The Walls That Hold Can Set Us Free
by anonymous-unknown
Summary: Post 6x22, a 'What Happened Next'. Simply because the finale has me reeling from Cas becoming evil and I feel that it is total BS and my duty as a fanfiction writer to redeem our angel. My reason why he did it. Brotherly bonding and redemption. No slash.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: **I think turning Cas evil was total BULL. That's all I have to say about that. I just had to get this idea out of the way since it (and the season finale) seems to have stalled my other story 'When Our Prayers Go Unanswered' to a complete and utter halt. Even though I have the outline of the damn thing it just fried my muse and my plot bunny had to be buried in the backyard this morning. Forgive me for the major angst this story may bring. I was watching Constantine when I wrote it. Who ironically was the inspiration for Castiel's character in Supernatural. So let me know what you think. Enjoy, I hope.

**Written: **22 May

**Soundtrack: **None

**Word Count:** 2700+

**Category:** Castiel

**Content:** NO SLASH. (God knows I read it though.) Violence and adult language. (Just warning those in advance who wish not to read such material.)

**Disclaimer: **Obviously, I do not possess any legal rights to anything to do with this series especially its characters. I'm sure we are all aware of that but this fact must always be noted due to this websites guidelines.

**Genres:** Drama, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Family

**Characters:** Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Castiel, Bobby, Gabriel, Michael

**Rating:** T

ooo

**Title:** The Walls That Hold Can Set Us Free

**Author: **anonymous-unknown

**Summary:** Post 6.22 One-Shot, a 'What Happened Next'. Simply because the finale has me reeling from Cas becoming evil and I feel that it is total BS and my duty as a fanfiction writer to redeem our angel. What made Cas choose the option he ultimately took?

"_He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still."_

Lao Tzu (604 B.C. – 531 B.C.)

ooo

"I'm your new God. A better one. So you will bow down, profess your love unto Me, Your Lord. Or I shall destroy you."

Sam, Dean and Bobby simply stood there gaping.

What were they going to do now? This wasn't Cas, at least not the one they knew. This was not the Cas Dean told once upon a time to never change.

This Castiel was simply a soul filled, power hungry replication of him. Of their once naïve and innocent angel. And worst of all, he was their friend, their family once. Dean let him know, told him that, hoping that it could get the angel to understand what he meant. How he felt. To somehow pull him out of whatever this was. And the only reply the angel gave back was that he no longer had a family.

Dean felt those words sink him.

Just looking into those eyes, the now cold, dark eyes. Dean couldn't understand what had turned Castiel this way. Why he did what he did. The trust he had in him was now pretty much shattered and Dean didn't know how to handle it. He knew that his recent attitude towards him probably had something to do with it, and he simply felt broken. The angel remained loyal to him even after Dean constantly pushed him away, and he wondered, maybe he had pushed the angel enough for him to take things this far. He knew that what he had said was wrong. What he had done was wrong. But he was trying to help him. Trying to get him to see what he was doing and what could come out of his actions. He was being a friend, even if the angel couldn't see that.

Dean just stared at him sadly, wondering what he could possibly do to help him. But it was too late. He could see that now. Castiel was corrupt, a lost cause now and the hunter felt nothing but pain. He had lost so much already. And now, he didn't have a choice but to obey his instinct, no matter how much hurt it would cause him.

His disheartening thoughts were interrupted however, when a flutter of wings and a familiar angel appeared behind the new God.

He recognized that cold stare immediately. He had last seen it stand up against Lucifer and the question he had burning in his head besides how it was even possible for him to be there, was why he was there.

"Gabriel." Castiel slowly turned around to face his brother, the look on his face a blank and unreadable stare. "Hello brother."

"Hey bro." The smirk he gave was small at first but his brow suddenly furrowed and his expression was quickly replaced by sheer anger and disgust.

"Gabriel. What are you doing here?" Castiel slowly took a few steps towards him, only to put just mere feet between them. "How are you even alive?"

"I think you know the answer to that question." Gabriel slowly pulled out his blade and gripped it tight in his right hand. "Maybe you should ask the _real_ God."

Castiel eyed the angel sword and smirked quietly. "That blade won't work on me."

"It's custom made. Just for you. A gift from Dad." Gabriel tightened his grip around the hilt, a look of sadness in his eyes.

"Our Father is dead. I'm the new God."

"You know as well as I that that's not true." Gabriel said flatly. "I also know, that you're not Castiel. Are you."

Castiel made no expression. He simply tensed his shoulders ever so slightly, aggravation clear in his posture. Dean and Sam could only stare between the former angel and formally dead archangel. Bobby focused his attention on both hunters, their thoughts rummaging through their frail minds. Trying to understand what was unfolding before them. Sam simply looked at Gabriel standing just feet in front of him while Dean focused his attention on Castiel. Or not on Castiel as the archangel had pointed out. If this wasn't his angel, then who the Hell was it?

"I know it's not him." Gabriel sighed softly in sadness before his anger returned once again. "I can hear him screaming in there."

The only response he got from Castiel was a small grin tugging at the edge of his lips. Dean, Sam and Bobby could only continue to watch.

"So, begs the big question here." Gabriel could feel the sword growing hot in his grasp. "How did you get out of the cage…Michael."

The air around them suddenly felt intense, like gravity was weighing heavily down on them. Dean could literally feel the hairs on the back of his neck rise as the name of the archangel who was once meant to possess him rang through his head. How was this possible? How was it possible that he had even returned?

Before another word could even be said, the small sad sound of Sam's voice disrupted the silence.

"He killed Lucifer."

Dean and Bobby simply stared at him as a small smile creaked from the corner of Castiel's lips.

"You killed Lucifer, and you were set free."

Sam could only look at him as the memory of their battle flowed freely behind his eyes. All those memories of Hell that he himself had warned him of were seeping in his brain and remembering the sad look in Lucifer's eyes before Michael struck him down, Sam almost felt sorry. Sorry for the Devil who wanted nothing of the fight. A fight that he ultimately lost.

"How long have you been screwing with Cas you son of a bitch?" Dean snarled, taking in the look Sam had written all over his face. "Damn it HOW LONG?"

Michael waited a moment before even bothering to respond.

"Not long at all." He whispered, as he slowly turned back to Dean. "You see, Castiel here was starting to have some doubts so, he asked the only person he thought could give him any answers. He prayed to God."

The mimic on Michael's face only pissed Dean off more. Even though he claimed to be the most loyal towards God, he mocked the faith any other angel had towards their Father. It made Dean feel physically sick.

"And guess what? God didn't answer him. _I_ did," he grinned. "And all it took was a little _push_, to get Castiel to give in."

He brought his attention back to Gabriel who had yet to move, the hilt around his blade glowing white hot against his palm.

"I'm gonna kill you."

"You can't kill God Dean. No one can."

"Yeah well, you're not God. You're just a _dick_. You screwed with Cas, so I'm gonna screw with you." Dean didn't know how but he suddenly found the strength to actually walk up to him even though he was well aware of what he was capable of, putting mere feet between the two. Sam and Bobby stared down at the older hunter as if he had lost his mind. Even Gabriel thought the same. "If you did anything, _anything_ to hurt Cas then I swear to─"

"Castiel is dead." Michael interrupted, a look of abomination clear on his face before he smiled a hard grin again. It was nothing like the way Cas smiled, Dean thought. "Or at least, he will be." He turned his head to look at the youngest hunter. "Thanks to you Sam."

Dean suddenly froze in his steps and Sam just looked hurt at the archangels words.

"A stab in the back, literally; it's so sad it's almost poetic. Don't you think?" Michael taunted him. "As a matter of fact, I think you hurt his feelings. You too Dean." He looked back at him. "He was doing all of this for you. _For you_. And you didn't care."

Dean simply pulled back the guilt he could feel rising within him. "Cas, if you can hear me," Dean started, pleading that the angel locked inside could hear his words. "I'm so sorry."

"He can't hear you." Michael said cooly, clearly trying to upset him. "It doesn't matter anyway. No matter what you say to him, it's never going to make a difference." His next words entered Dean's veins like a burning venom. "He doesn't trust you anymore, Dean Winchester."

Dean nearly exploded in anger. It was bad enough toying with him and his friend and now he was toying with something greater than the friendship they had. Even though he knew that he had no power against him as a human, Dean knew that he wasn't going to let him take the last thing between he and Cas away that stood even the slightest chance. Dean still trusted him even if it didn't show, even after everything the two had been through. He hoped that the angel still felt the same.

"It doesn't matter." Gabriel said as he lifted his blade and Michael turned back around to face him. "I'm gonna take you out here and now. So that your ass can go back to the Pit you piece of _shit_."

Michael wasn't even amused. "You can try little brother, but I must warn you. If you attempt to release these souls then Castiel will perish with them as well. And considering his," He looked down at the wound still pooling around his stomach and down his shirt. "Current condition, it's pretty safe to say that he's done for."

Michael's mocking only caused every one of their angers to rage. Gabriel's especially was quickly becoming violent.

"If anyone is going to be God, it's going to be me."

Gabriel merely stared at him, the air around them quickly growing thicker. "Yeah well, not if I've got something to say about it."

Before anyone else could even flinch Gabriel (who in their eyes, was completely out of his mind to be fighting the newly God Michael) quickly lunged at him with his blade. Michael easily flew out of the way and threw Gabriel across the room like a rag doll, causing heavy destruction and the air to fill with choking dust.

Gabriel quickly got up, his grasp around the blade growing tighter as his adrenaline surged.

"Foolish little brother." Michael simply raised a hand and snapped his fingers.

The hunters waited for the bloody explosion but got nothing. Even Michael was surprised as Gabriel simply stood there smiling. "Sorry bro, but I got the real _God_ on my side."

Michael grew furious and Gabriel flew towards him again, the blade swiftly lunging upwards towards Michael's chest. Again, Michael stopped him with a simple fling of his hand and pinned the archangel against the opposite wall.

"Do you honestly think you can defeat God," he said through gritted teeth. "You can join Lucifer dead in Hell."

"No, I can't defeat God." Gabriel said as he looked down and smirked. "But I can defeat you."

His last words came from behind and Michael quickly turned around to find Gabriel thrusting the tip of the blade into his chest, piercing his skin and temporarily paralyzing him. "You forget Michael." He grasped both hands around the hilt and thrust the blade in further. "I learned a few tricks from our brother. You should remember that."

With one final push Gabriel drove the remainder of the blade inwards and the room quickly filled with his screams, as well as the burning golden light. The power of the blade quickly drew out the millions upon millions of souls harbored inside of Castiel's vessel, leaving nothing behind. The building began to quake from the impact as the blade pulled out and all the souls were taken with it. Gabriel yelled at them to take care of Castiel as the force of the light and the sword grew stronger in his hands and the spirit of Michael was torn out as well. Gabriel quickly took hold of it, his grasp now tightly around Michael's throat and with that he disappeared, taking the souls and the archangel with him.

The last of the extraction faded out and the impact of the attack slowly dissipated along with the blinding light.

Sam, Dean and Bobby slowly uncovered their eyes and looked toward Castiel, the deathly pale angel simply standing there slightly swaying and staring down at the floor with dull blue eyes.

"Cas?"

Dean slowly walked up to him, the angel making no movements except to huff in weak breaths, the blood from his mouth slowly dripping down his chin.

Castiel's knees gave way and he landed hard on them. Dean immediately ran up to him and caught him before he could completely fall face first into the floor. Sam and Bobby quickly crowded them as well, the reality of Castiel's condition quickly unfolding as he coughed up a small amount of blood onto Dean's right shoulder.

Dean tightly grasped the man's waist, the warm sticky blood flowing from his back quickly covering his palm and seeping through his fingers.

The angel only wheezed in a breath from the touch, the pain it caused clearly evident through his half lidded eyes.

Dean looked down to his side where a large pool started to form by his knee. The exit wound was just as gruesome and the hunter held onto the angel tighter, the heavy flow of blood now staining the front of his shirt. He was immediately brought back to the moment where Sam first died, stabbed in the back as well, and the fear he experienced as his brother lay dying in his arms. It was the night he made the deal and it was probably the moment that ultimately brought the two of them into each other's lives.

Dean never imagined history repeating itself like this.

The angel literally trembled in his embrace as Dean continued to grasp his hand tightly against the hole in his back. He had already lost Sam the same way. Even if it sounded selfish, he was going to redeem himself that moment now with Cas. He would not let it end the same way. He would die to save any one of his loved ones, but not today. Dean wasn't going to have to face that today.

"It's okay Cas." Dean whispered softly. "I gotcha. I gotcha, everything's gonna be okay."

The words being exchanged between Sam and Bobby were a complete blur to both Dean's and Castiel's minds and the hunter barely processed them until he could hear Sam rushing up the stairs and Bobby telling him to hurry. He assumed that his brother was getting a car to get them the hell out of there, as he continued to hold onto the angel. Bobby carefully took his hand and wrapped it around Castiel's wrist, feeling the cold clammy skin that shook underneath it. Bobby had pretty much forgiven the angel after what had happened to Robin, knowing that the torture she had been put through was more than likely not under his influence.

Bobby simply put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "It's okay son. We're gonna take care of you alright?"

If Castiel heard the old drunks words, he made no indication of doing so. The only thing he gave in return was a lone tear falling down his left cheek and a faint whisper falling through painful, forced breaths. "I'm not an angel…anymore."

Bobby simply froze at the young man's broken words and Dean only tightened his embrace, the words spoken softly against his neck sending piercing jolts of cold down his spine. That, and the fact that his angel was quickly falling into shock from everything he had been through, only made him grasp onto his faith that much stronger.

"Don't worry about it Cas. We're gonna fix it." Dean's voice softly cracked, the threat of tears wanting to fall freely as much as the blood of his friend did between his now heavily stained fingers. "I promise you were gonna fix it."

Castiel huffed out two barely audible words as he closed his eyes and let more tears fall. "Thank you."

The next few moments between them remained in silence.

Dean didn't care that he wasn't God or that he wasn't an angel anymore, or even that Castiel was entirely human now. So long as he got his friend. He got his Cas back, they got their brother back.

And that was all Dean gave a damn about right now.

**The End…I think**

**Authors End Note:** I know that I never continued on to see if Cas lived or not because let's face it, he was bleeding to death so, I'm thinking that I may need to go just one more chapter on this to fill in the couple of loop holes. What do you guys think?


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note:** Well this story was originally intended as a one shot but it looks like I'm gonna be adding another or even a few more chapters from here on in simply because my imagination has officially taken off here. One good thing that has come out of this besides that my grief from the finale is healing is that I have managed to salvage my original story 'When Our Prayers Go Unanswered', thank God. The _real_ God, lol. Anyways, sorry for the little bit of torture you may (or should I say, will) find in this chapter. Again, I was watching Constantine over again when I wrote it. Enjoy. 8)

**Written:** 23 May

**Soundtrack:** None

**Word Count: **3200+

**Chapter 2**

If this night could get any more stressful then Bobby Singer was gonna have to start checking his blood pressure more often.

After managing to find a car and securing a connection to get the busted up Impala the older hunter and the Winchesters managed to race back to Sioux Falls and deal with all the crap that was currently piling on their plate. To say that he was on edge was simply putting it mildly and the old drunk was really in the mood for drinking down half his liquor cabinet.

Currently however he was a bit tied up, with an angel (or should I say, former angel) currently in his panic room bleeding out. No matter what methods they tried they could not get the hemorrhaging to stop and the three of them were getting desperate. Bobby immediately sent Dean to the hospital to get what they needed and medical supplies was just the tip of the iceberg.

After collecting a little bit of Jimmy Novak's blood from the wounds that were still seeping, he informed the older Winchester that he needed it tested for blood type and that once he had it he needed to speak to a doctor named Andrea Altec. She was apparently a connection in the hospital he had and that if he ever needed any help in that department then she was the one to see.

Dean only hesitated for a moment but figured that it was for Cas' benefit now that he wasn't healing on his own and knew that they were going to have to fix this themselves. He quickly assured his friend that he'd be back soon and left with the idea of hauling ass, the ex-angel left in the care of Sam and Bobby.

"Damn it." Bobby mumbled under his breath.

No matter how much he tried to sew the wound currently sported on Castiel's back it seemed to do no good. The blood vessels had been torn severely when Sam drove the angel sword into his back and thus caused heavy damage. To say that Sam was feeling guilty as hell was the understatement of the century right now.

Currently, Castiel was laying on the rooms small bed, pale and shivering. They had removed his coat, jacket, tie and dress shirt and were horrified at what was hidden underneath. His entire front and back side were drenched in blood and Bobby immediately went to work. They lay him down on his stomach, several thick towels were placed under him to help with the bleeding but was not doing much good. Bobby had gone to start patching up his back but every time he tried to wipe away the blood even more seeped up. He couldn't even see the damn hole simply because of it. So, Bobby decided that unfortunately worst had come to worst. He knew that Dean would probably be against it which is why he had sent him specifically to get the blood. What he was about to do was gonna be painful and Bobby knew that it was the only option.

"Sam."

The younger hunter looked up at him from his seated position next to the bed. He was currently trying to coax the angel who was simply breathing difficultly and trying to mask his immense pain. The look the younger hunter saw in Bobby's eyes was almost a bit chilling.

"I can't stop the bleeding boy. I don't have a choice now." He whispered.

"What are you saying?" Sam's thoughts immediately went to Castiel, whom he wasn't even sure could hear them right now.

"I'm saying that unless I get the bleeding to stop then this is pretty much hopeless. The only option I have is to cauterize the wounds."

Sam immediately stiffened. He knew what the hunter was telling him but also knew the immense pain it would bring to their friend. He had to think about it for a moment before he looked down at Cas, the man simply laying there with his hand near his face and looking down with dull, half lidded eyes. If the pain of everything that had recently happened was bad, then this was going to make it so much worse. Sam looked back at Bobby, who stared at him as if asking for his approval. Sam had no choice but to give it and slowly nodded his head.

"Okay." Bobby said as he pulled out a box of matches from his shirt pocket. "Hand me the shells over there."

He pointed to the shelf across the room and Sam slowly got up. He hesitantly picked up the small box of shot gun shells and started to collect a few in his hand. He slowly put the box back down and walked back to Bobby, handing him the ammunition. Bobby gulped and then sighed at what he was about to do but knew in the back of his mind that it was the only option at this point. Sam simply watched him with sadness in his eyes, knowing that this was not going to be an easy task for either of them. Bobby grabbed a small hunting knife from his back pocket and began to pop the caps off of each shell and placed them on the floor by his feet. After doing so with a couple of shells he looked back at Sam who got up and walked over to the desk on the opposite wall. He opened one of the front drawers and pulled out a plain piece of paper. He quickly walked back and handed it to the older hunter who took it and poured some of the gun powder from the shells. What he was about to do would most likely scar him for life. But he kept reminding himself that there was no other way.

Bobby looked back at Cas as he popped another shell and poured the powder onto the paper. Sam couldn't even look at him and instead sat back down next to Cas and started to talk to him. The least he could do was try and prepare the angel for what was to come. He deserved a little warning, after all, this was gonna hurt like Hell.

"Cas, listen to me." He started softly as he put a hand on the angels left shoulder and got him to meet his eyes. "Bobby is going to do something that will help you but I need you to stay strong okay?"

The small bit of fear he saw in those blue eyes only pained him more and made Sam more nervous.

"I'm not gonna lie to you okay? It's gonna hurt, _a lot_. But I need you to focus okay. Focus on me." Sam nearly pleaded with him. "If you focus on me then this will all be over soon okay. I promise." Whether he would be able to keep that promise, Sam didn't know but he prayed that the angel would understand. Castiel simply nodded slightly as his already weak grip only tightened on the edge of the mattress.

Sam then looked over to Bobby who carefully lowered the quilt that was currently covering the angel and brought it down to just below his waist. Bobby took a deep breath before he whispered. "This is gonna sting a little Cas."

Castiel simply closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable.

Bobby quietly started to pour the gunpowder into the wound and Cas immediately felt the sting of it against his blood, a wince immediately coming forth from the trickles of pain it caused. Bobby was finished soon enough but then gave Sam a look and he immediately knew what it meant. Sam slowly got up from his chair and carefully braced both hands on Cas' arms, holding the angel down so that he could not move when the next step was applied.

Cas started to grow scared at the hunters gesture, knowing that if he had to pin him down then it truly was going to hurt. He could feel the vibrations coming from his friend and knew that he was scared as well. The next thing he heard was the scraping of a match and the flame that quickly resulted from the friction of it against the sandpaper. Castiel squeezed his eyes shut, knowing what was coming next.

Bobby gave another sigh. "Here we go."

He quickly joined the fire with the gunpowder, now being shoved into the wound with the pocket knife and growing sticky with blood. The only thing that could be heard over the reaction it caused was the angel screaming, his cries of pain heard clearly throughout the house.

* * *

><p>Dean quickly made it to the hospital and immediately asked the receptionist where he could find the doctor Bobby had told him about. She was very helpful, even smiled at him to flirt back but even though she seemed like his type he just wasn't interested right now and thanked her for the assistance.<p>

He quickly found the office of the doctor on the fourth floor, running up the stairs two at a time instead of taking the overcrowded elevator, but found it empty and he felt his heart sink a little. He gritted his teeth and walked towards the front of the hall where he found a sandy brown haired, female doctor at the front desk filling out some paperwork and another female brunette nurse on the phone. He quickly tapped the doctor on the shoulder. She looked to be about in her late thirties, maybe early forties and the look she gave back at him behind soft caramel orbs was a look of concern. She could clearly see the small tinge of panic on his face.

"Yes sir. Can I help you?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm, I'm looking for a doctor Andrea Altec. Do you happen to know where she is?" He whispered quickly, almost pleadingly.

"You're looking at her." She simply replied, tapping on her nametag with her pen.

His face dropped and grew almost ten shades of pink at his immense relief. She couldn't help but chuckle at his reaction.

"Oh thank God." He whispered, but furrowed his brow at the pathetic joke. Really not the time.

"May I help you with something?" She asked kindly as she handed the nurse the clipboard she was writing on.

"Yes, my name is Dean Winchester. I was sent here by Bobby Singer. He said you could help me with a little, _issue_ I'm having."

Her face immediately went calm as her smile disappeared and looked over to the side towards her office. "Come with me."

Dean immediately followed her down the hall and she stopped in front of the elevator, pressing the down button to head downstairs. "So, if Bobby Singer sent you I'm guessing he needs a little, _medical_ favor?" She whispered, not meeting eye contact with him.

Dean thought it better to do the same and sighed, also looking at the elevator doors. "Yeah. You see, a friend of mine got hurt so Bobby said you could help us with a few things."

The light above the door dinged and the two walked into the empty elevator together. She pressed on the button that read basement and she looked back at the hunter as the doors slid closed.

"Well what is it exactly that he needs?" She asked softly.

"Well um, he sent me with this." Dean carefully pulled out the small vile of blood from his inside pocket and showed it to her. She carefully grabbed the vile and looked at it. "My friend is in really bad shape and, I need to get his blood tested so I can find out the type and─"

"You need a blood donation." She cut off.

"Right." Dean said slowly.

A moment of silence passed before she spoke up again.

"Okay then," She slowly pocketed the vile into her coat pocket. "I can have the blood tested here. It'll only take a couple of minutes. Then I'll see what I can do about getting your friend the blood." Her reply was cool and collective.

"Thanks." He said softly, wondering how the hell she even knew Bobby and what connection they had for her to pull stunts that could ultimately get her in trouble.

"It's no problem. You hunters always manage to get yourselves into some sort of trouble." She softly smiled as she watched the doors slide open.

Dean stopped. "You know he's a hunter?" He quickly said before realizing his mistake. His mind was so preoccupied with Cas' wellbeing that he completely forgot the idea that there were other types of hunters out there. Not just hunters who killed monsters but also wild game. He literally wanted to kick himself at that moment.

"Well of course I know," she said as she stepped out and he followed. "You're not the only ones in Sioux Falls who goes after things that go bump in the night." She smiled back at him and he gave her a look as if to say he was impressed. Who would have guessed that someone as kind looking as her knew how to take out a monster or a demon.

"This way." She said as she walked down the cold, gray painted cinder block walls and turned left to a white lined, cold glass room.

Dean immediately saw that this was clearly one of their labs and with a swipe of her keycard she went inside and he hesitantly followed. She walked further down, entering a small doorway that separated the lab from the brightly lit, refrigerated storage room. When he caught up with her she was already in the back, pulling a small kit out of a top drawer of one of the blue counters and taking out the vile of blood.

"This will only take a few minutes." She said, as she popped open the top of the kit. After putting on some gloves she then popped open the vile, carefully pouring a drop of the blood onto the test strip.

A few minutes seemed like hours to him as they watched and waited. Finally the test was done and she picked it up with both hands, examining the results.

"Your friend is AB positive." She said as she put the test back down and started to remove the gloves. "I'm afraid I don't have much of it here but I'll give you what I can."

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it." She smiled softly as she tossed the gloves into the wastebasket and walked over to one of the many shelves towards the back.

She quickly read through the labels, each drawer holding liquid drugs and other medical supplies. She finally found the one she was looking for and grabbed a small silver key from her pants pocket, opening the steel lined glass door and taking out a couple bags of blood. She quickly shut it closed and headed towards the other side of the shelf, grabbing a temperature controlled bag hidden in the back of one of the bottom cabinets and slipping them inside. She quickly folded it up, but not before adding an unused IV drip along with it and handed it to Dean, who took it graciously.

"You tell that Bobby Singer he owes me dinner." She smiled jokingly.

"Right, I will." Dean replied and smiled back as he felt the contents in his hands that would ultimately save his friend, if he wasn't too late that is.

"Okay then well, good luck."

"Thanks again." He said.

"No problem." She grinned again. "Look, uh, just so you don't get caught with that you might want to take the security door at the end of the hall." She bobbed her head to the right as she folded her arms in front of her. "It's only meant for doctors but you could use it to get out of here. The code is 7455."

"Okay. Thanks." Dean said again, obviously very thankful for her help.

"Might wanna get going before someone sees you." She said softly and Dean quickly took that as his cue to leave.

He had already made it to the door when she locked up and was at the elevator to go back upstairs. He quickly left the building with the bag in hand and was careful not to draw any attention as he made his way around the parking lot and back to his car. As soon as he dropped into the front seat he flipped open his cell and called Sam, who didn't pick up until it almost went to voicemail.

"Dean."

"Yeah Sam, I got the blood. I'll be there in a few."

Before he could say anything else the sound of a scream interrupted the background and Dean immediately tensed up. "Sam? Sam, what the hell is going on?"

Sam didn't want to say but knew that he had to, knowing that his older brother would be pissed once he found out. Sam now found himself pacing around the basement, trying his hardest not to look back towards the panic room where Castiel let out another scream.

"SAM!"

"Bobby couldn't stop the bleeding." He quickly replied, trying to hide his guilt. "So he had to," He stopped.

"He had to what? Sam!" Dean was growing angrier by the second as another scream reached his ears.

"He had to cauterize the blood vessels. It was the only way to make it stop." He said quietly, a hint of remorse in his voice.

Dean suddenly felt enraged. "You're burning him?"

"We didn't have a choice Dean. It was either that or let him bleed to death." He countered.

"Why the hell didn't he just try to sew him up?"

"He tried that but it didn't matter. He was still bleeding too much." Sam huffed out as the gravity of the situation started hitting him again. "I'm sorry Dean but, we didn't see another choice here."

Dean huffed out a sigh of his own as the background went silent. "Did you at least warn him?" He said somewhat obviously.

"Of course I warned him! We're not gonna start jabbing him with a red hot poker and not let him know Dean." Sam said as if he could be that heartless. For Heaven's sake he did a have a soul, again.

Dean released a sigh of frustration and swiped a hand over his eyes. "Okay. Look I'm gonna be there in a few minutes. Try to hold out until I get there. I don't need Cas freakin' out anymore then he already is." He said calmly.

"Yeah okay, I'll wait for you." He said softly.

"Alright. I'm on my way now." Dean quickly hung up and started the engine, practically racing out of the parking lot with the bag in the passenger seat beside him.

Sam hung up as well, just as Bobby called out to him for help. He had already quickly finished stitching the entrance wound on the angels back. Now he needed help to start the process all over again with the exit wound in his front. Sam felt his own gut tightening, the sound of the angels screams and the pain he was clearly in burning into his already frying brain.

**To Be Continued**

**Authors End Note:** I think I have an evil mind right now. I'm scaring myself. What the hell is wrong with me? 8( Please review and let me know. Thank you to everyone who has read, favored, alerted and reviewed. I never expected this much feedback honestly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note:** Wow, the idea of a one-shot with this has definitely been thrown out the window. This story will more than likely be about 5 chapters max (unless something else should come up knowing me), according to the outline I've drawn up. As for how Cas is currently, no one freak out please. I love Cas and there is no way I would keep his wings cut off for long. Human Cas is only something I like to explore, not keep permanent. That goes for this story, as well as 'When Our Prayers Go Unanswered'. So no panicking please. :)

**Written:** 24 May

**Soundtrack:** None

**Word Count: **3100+

**Chapter 3**

They were trying to help him. He had to keep telling himself this. They were only trying to help. The pain he was experiencing right now was excruciating and it only got worse. No matter how many times Sam tried to tell him that it was okay and to just relax he could not seem to get those words to process for him. He was in so much pain and the only thing he could think of at that moment was to let it all go. He wanted so badly to just curl in on himself and rid himself of all the evils that were currently surrounding him but he refused. Or perhaps it was his pride that refused. It's what got him in this situation in the first place. If he was going to die then he would do so fighting. But he felt so incredibly weak, both physically and mentally and he began to ask himself why he should even bother.

He didn't seem to notice how his grip around the younger hunters forearms as he held him down seemed to slacken, but Sam noticed immediately the moment his screams started to die down. Bobby was almost finished with the second cauterization but Cas seemed to have had enough. Bobby had noticed the silence as well and his head immediately shot up, one hand still gripping the red hot blade inside the burning wound while the other lay carelessly on his stomach. The flesh around the puncture was angry and red but the blood was becoming less sticky and more clotty. The procedure was working for the most part, but there was still some stitching to be done to fix the internal organs that had been damaged.

"Cas?" Bobby stopped.

"Cas!" Sam moved his grip from the angels arms to the sides of his face, trying to get him to open his eyes. "Cas, come on. You gotta open your eyes."

"Please," he whispered, his voice cracking from the pain. "Stop."

Sam literally felt his stomach drop but knew that he couldn't let his emotions get in the way.

"I promise Cas we will, but you need to hang on just a little bit longer. Bobby's almost finished." Sam shot the hunter a look, the older man simply staring at the angel as he pleaded for mercy from the pain.

His hands lay still, the need to continue quickly dying as both his guilt and sorrow started to get a hold of him. This must have been what it felt like to torture and in all honesty, Bobby didn't feel up to it, even if it was for the right reasons.

"Bobby!" Sam continued staring at him as his gaze finally met the younger hunters. He had to finish off what he had started, even if it would be painful for the both of them. "Just do it."

"No," Cas breathed out, as the ache in his lungs and throat started to throb. He had been screaming non-stop and now it appeared as if the energy he had had all but left him, leaving his voice to sound small and weak.

"I promise Cas." Bobby's voice sounded almost just as broken. "I'm almost done."

He carefully repositioned himself over the wound and pressed the knife back down into the flesh. He expected Cas to scream again as Sam braced his hands back over his arms, but Cas had been completely drained and all that came out next was a pathetic whimper as heat met gun powder. This made Bobby's heart drop and the moment he knew that it had been enough he immediately pulled away.

Cas' arms finally dropped lazily to his sides and Bobby started to wipe away the excess blood that had pooled around the wound. Sam remained with his arms grasped around the angels but there was no reason to do so now. Sam just couldn't seem to let go as the angels half lidded eyes finally dropped completely closed. His breaths were shallow at best and Sam prayed that Castiel had simply slipped into unconsciousness after everything he had gone through. This was actually a welcome miracle in his mind.

Bobby was finished. Not just with the cauterization but completely finished, with all of it. He couldn't continue even if he wanted to, the weight of the situation proving to be a little too much for him. Thankfully however Dean showed up in the panic room, bag in hand and eyes glaring at his brother and older hunter standing beside the angel.

He didn't know whether to be angry or thankful, but either way he could see it in Bobby's eyes that he had had enough and thus decided to take over. Dean didn't even say anything. He simply took over the chair that Bobby had now vacated and picked up the suturing needle and thread as the older hunter left the panic room, more than likely to head to the kitchen for a much needed drink. He couldn't really blame him.

Sam slowly removed his grasp and sat down as well, his eyes refusing to move away from Cas' still and stark white face. Whether it was because he was afraid to look away in case something happened or because he couldn't face his brothers eyes right now, he didn't know. He knew this much though. Dean was less than happy with the turn of events but deep down he knew it just as much as Sam and Bobby did. It was necessary. Even if the glaring stare that Dean was burning into the back of his skull right now was intentional, he knew that deep down he would be forgiven. He had to be.

Dean was careful with the angel, trying his hardest not to inflict any more pain than was absolutely unavoidable and passed his stitching as carefully as he could. He had never sewn a wound so gently before in his life. Not that he didn't think the angel could handle it. He just didn't want to have to put him through that, considering everything else he had already gone through. He took a lot longer than necessary but when he had finally finished he found his tense muscles finally unwinding. After carefully checking his work and applying the peroxide to disinfect and wipe away the little remnants of both fresh and dry blood that remained, Dean then carefully applied the gauze over it and then sealed it with tape. It looked so damn professional he could laugh at himself if he were in the mood to. His work would barely leave a scar. The ones around it however from the burning blade were ones he would never be able to take away. The angel was stuck with them.

Finally he was done and he let out a huge sigh of relief. His friend was now all patched up and the only thing left to do was to hook him up with the IV. Bobby had already had a drip available in case of emergencies and left it out on the coffee table in the living room for the hunter when he returned. Now they also had the blood and Dean reached down to the bag by his feet and started to take out all the contents. He grabbed the drip first and placed the bag of IV fluid on the bed. He then went about unwrapping the small tube and connected the needle to the end of it.

Sam finally looked over to him. "Do you need any─"

"No," Dean abruptly cut him off as he opened a small bottle of alcohol and started to pour some on a soft cotton ball, disinfecting the skin above the vein in Cas' left hand. "I don't need your help Sammy, I've got it." He whispered as he concentrated on his task.

Sam knew he was angry, even if his voice didn't say so and he attempted to cover it with his little nickname. Whatever was going through his head had obviously been a lot but Sam decided not to press on and chose instead to get up from his seat to escape upstairs. As soon as he turned around to leave however Dean spoke up, his eyes still not leaving his work as he carefully inserted the needle into Cas' hand.

"Can you do me one thing?"

"Yeah sure, anything."

"Grab me a pair of pajamas from my drawer upstairs. I don't think Cas is gonna wanna sleep in bloody clothes." Dean sounded so gentle it almost scared Sam, who spoke up after a moment.

"Yeah. Sure."

"Thanks." Dean went back to concentrating on the angel and had now taped the drip to his hand securely.

By the time Sam returned with the clothes he requested, Dean had already gotten Cas to lie on his right side, his arm tucked safely under his head and his eyes now partially open. He looked dead tired and was still paler than the sheets underneath him but at least now he was awake, if barely. Dean had just finished attaching the blood bag to the pole now holding the IV fluid as well and he gently checked the needle attached to it, now feeding the blood through the vein in his arm. Castiel simply focused on his breathing, his eyes locked to the floor as not to look at anyone. He purposefully tried to hide his gaze, his guilt from his recent misgivings plaguing him deeply. Sam could only look at him in sadness but Dean chose to ignore it as he taped the second needle securely in place.

Not another word was spoken as Sam handed Dean the clothes and quietly made his way upstairs.

He found Bobby right where he expected him. Sitting at the kitchen table finishing half a bottle of whisky and pouring himself another glass.

"Care if I join you?"

"Not at all." Bobby said as he picked up another glass from the counter behind him and filled it up for Sam, handing it to him from across the table. He sighed as he slumped against his chair and bit the bottom of his lip. "I don't ever want to do that again."

"Which part?"

"All of it." Bobby replied matter of factly as the younger hunter downed the shot in one gulp, the burn quickly aggravating his throat as he slammed the glass back on the table, the older hunter quickly filling him another glass. "How's your head?"

Sam scoffed at the question. He had almost forgotten about it considering everything that had happened in the past few hours. "Awesome."

He didn't know if that was him really talking or if it was the alcohol currently rushing through his system. There wasn't any food in his stomach so the beverage was already kicking in full swing as he downed his second glass. He kept it floating in front of his face as he exhaled, the burn of the liquid quickly passing. He finally managed to get his already slurring mind to focus again and put the glass back on the table.

"Another?" Bobby offered as he lifted the bottle, ready to fill him up again.

"I'm good."

"Suit yourself." Bobby then poured himself another glass and then sealed the cap over the bottle, swearing to himself that he had had enough for the night. He didn't even finish half the glass by the time he was satisfied. "How's he doin'?"

"Which one?"

"Both of them." Bobby replied matter of factly again. He didn't know when they would get to touch on the subject so he figured that they might as well start now.

Sam sighed as he tried to clear his brain. "Well Cas looks like crap, but that's to be expected."

"And Dean?"

Sam paused for a moment before he even bothered to answer. "Not even dealin' with it." He said sadly. Dean was feeling guilty, that much he could tell, but it was to such an extent that he could see right through him. Dean was blaming himself and Sam hated that.

"And how are you?"

Sam didn't even want to answer but figured that if he could tell anyone how he was feeling right now then it could be Bobby. "I drove a sword into his back, Bobby. How do you think I feel?" Sam replied somewhat miserably. "I nearly killed him."

"You didn't have a choice son. Cas went straight up AWOL."

"Yeah except it wasn't Cas." Sam said somewhat forcefully, his gaze now looking outside the window at the darkness hanging over them. He let out a sigh of frustration until he let his eyes meet back with Bobby's. "I didn't think twice about any of it, and I decided to kill him right then and there. I didn't consider _anything_. Anything that we've been through. How many times he's saved our asses or been there for us or even that we were friends Bobby. _Family_ even." He paused as he tried to find his next words. "I didn't think about any of that. Because I was angry. I was angry for what he did, for breaking the wall and it turns out that it wasn't even him." Sam looked away again as he bit his top lip and looked down at the table, his next words coming out sad and broken. "I nearly killed my brother."

Bobby didn't really know what to say, the conversation becoming incredibly uncomfortable. "Technically he's not your brother Sam."

Sam just laughed as he took his gaze off his hands and looked back at the older hunter. "Aren't you the one who said that family doesn't end in blood?"

Bobby seemed a bit taken aback at those words and he gave a sigh of his own. "I did say that to you once didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did." Sam whispered somewhat sarcastically, trying to lighten the mood a little. "I could use another."

He picked up his glass and slammed it on the table in front of him, just out of reach of the bottle. Bobby slowly unscrewed it and poured the amber liquid for him. He then went to refill his own.

"I could use one more myself."

They both clanked their glasses together and poured it down their throats in one take, each one trying to numb the pain of their emotions.

* * *

><p>By the time Sam made it back downstairs Dean had already helped Cas out of his blood stained clothes and changed him into the pajama pants that he had brought him. He had left the angel shirtless however for the time being, considering that he really didn't want to have to rip the needles back out of his arm and hand. He instead brought the blanket further up and now covered the angel up to his chest, his left arm laying above it on his hip as to not interfere with the IVs. Dean had even managed to get Cas to drink some water from the supplies they had stored down there and the angel quickly found himself falling asleep. Dean could finally breathe a little easier.<p>

He left the panic room for only a minute, as he went to collect one of the dusty cots that Bobby had stored in the basement to sleep on. He wasn't leaving his friends side, not when something could possibly happen. He didn't want to take the chance.

As he dusted off the makeshift bed Sam sluggishly walked in, bracing his hand to the door for a second so that he didn't trip.

"Hey Dean."

He quickly looked back to see his brother and then turned around to continue dusting off the tarp like material he was going to sleep on. "Hey Sammy."

"Whatcha doin'?"

Dean didn't notice it earlier but if he was hearing right, he could have sworn that his little brother sounded a little off balance. He arched an eyebrow and looked back at him. "Sam." His head shot up to look back at Dean. "Are you drunk?"

"A little. Maybe a lot." He grinned widely as he chuckled.

"Nice, Sammy. _Nice_." Dean turned back around and collected his jacket from the chair he had draped it on, folding it to use as a pillow.

"Shut up." He slurred. "It was Bobby's fault."

"Sure it was." Dean couldn't help but grin a little at his brothers behavior, even though he did try to hide it.

Sam just smiled and left the room, going to get a cot of his own and placing at the foot of both his and Cas' bed. He didn't even bother with the dust like Dean had and simply swiped a hand through it, taking off as much as he could without going overboard.

"You're gonna sleep down here?"

"Why not? You're doing it." Sam replied innocently as he took a seat on it, folding his hands in front of him and looking back at his brother.

"How's your head?" Dean asked as he sat down as well, the cot just a couple feet apart from Cas.

"It's fine." Sam replied, raising his hands in the air as if to insist on it. "I'm okay."

Dean just eyed him for a good minute and shook his head in amusement. "Man you are so totally wasted."

"Yep." Sam smiled and laid himself down, resting his head towards Dean's bed and crossing his arms in front of his chest, his eyes quickly closing shut.

"You know that we're gonna talk Sam. Maybe not now but, later, we _are_ gonna talk." Dean said somewhat seriously, not even knowing if his little brother could even hear him right now. Whatever was going through his head was obviously troubling him, if he was willing to get himself smashed like this. He figured that it was the remembering Hell part, but a feeling in his gut told him that this was something else entirely. He did get a response from Sam however, even if it did sound a little clumsy.

"Okay."

Dean just stayed up for a few minutes longer until he could hear the soft snores coming from Sam and the even breaths coming from Cas. It felt so much like a sleepover, except this one involved a nearly dead ex-angel and a drunk brother who would more than likely wake up with the world's biggest hangover. Story of Dean's life. He simply sighed, rubbing a hand down the side of his face and talking to himself.

"Well I don't know about you two but," Dean fluffed up his jacket a bit before laying down. "This has been a hell of a long day and I'm tired so, I'm going to sleep."

He lay their quietly, fingers intertwined and folded gently on top of his stomach, the hunter simply staring at the ceiling above him. This had been a hell of a long day and tomorrow would probably be just as long, knowing their luck. He simply allowed his eyes to close as sleep happily greeted him.

He could deal with it all tomorrow.

**To Be Continued…**

**Authors End Note:** Holy Hell! 595 hits for last chapter alone. I'm impressed. I honestly never expected this much feedback much less for me to actually carry this on past the first chapter. You guys are awesome! You know the rules. Reviews make me happy and help me to update faster.


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors Note:** I really should be working on my other story right now but I am just so hooked on this one. Seriously doubting that my max of 5 chapters is gonna hold here. 8P Anyways, let the major angst end and the reconnection of family ties begin. I think I'm finally at the point where I can stop scaring myself here. 8)

**Written:** 25 May

**Soundtrack:** None

**Word Count:** 3700+

**Chapter 4**

When Dean meant tomorrow, what he really meant was in a week.

Sam had woken up the next day with a massive hangover, (as he expected) which had nothing to do with his nightmares of Hell. Castiel had yet to awaken and Dean doubted that he would even be able to at least for another day. He wasn't as pale as the night before, thank God (the _real_ God) but he was still a far cry from where he should have been. So Dean did the only thing he thought he could do. _Should_ do.

Whenever Sam found himself returning to those dark distant memories Dean and Bobby would help pull him out of it. Sometimes the alcohol would help, but even Dean knew better and started to flat out refuse to allow his little brother to take out all his frustrations on his liver. Sure. He knew that was like the 'pot calling the kettle black' but right now he _just_ didn't care. He was the exception, the knowledgeable one. If Sam couldn't deal with the memories then Dean would help him through it, simply because he had already been there and done that (for the most part).

Bobby of course would help as well but neither man could do a damn thing but let it pass when the worst of the flashbacks sent Sam screaming in agony. It was now coming to a point where they had to deliberately put Sam down just so he could sleep, his under eyes quickly having dark, puffy circles beneath them. Whenever he knew that Sam had been dealt with, then Dean stepped in to take care of their other issue. Castiel.

Dean had been dividing his attention and now he felt it only fair to give the angel some. As he suspected, Cas barely stayed conscious during the first day. He was healing well enough but the pain was still there and Dean decided that Castiel had regained enough of his strength for his body to start to accepting pain relievers. There was only one issue with that.

Dean knew that the angel had still not eaten and there was no way he was going to be able to let him take any drugs without something in his stomach. That's where the problem started. Castiel was refusing to eat. Dean had been fighting him for two days before he had finally gotten fed up and threatened to force feed him if necessary. The angel only glared at him, as if challenging the hunter to 'try it' and Dean only glared back as if to tell him 'you're on'. Considering his still weak condition, Castiel easily lost. That, and also because of the headache that had popped up just the day after.

Dean yelled at him like a child, saying that the reason his head was pounding was because he hadn't eaten. As a matter of fact he was so fed up that he even went as far as calling him a 'moron'. He knew that he was more than likely hurting his feelings but right now, he didn't care. Cas nearly died from getting stabbed by his own sword. There was no way he was going to let him die because he was refusing to eat any food. It wasn't until the morning of the third day when his stomach violently cramped in protest and his headache had grown into a full blown migraine that he finally gave in.

Dean had managed to get him to eat half a bowl of chicken broth and some crackers before he was satisfied enough to take the dishes away. But it wasn't until his second meal of toast, (which he actually managed to mostly finish) that Dean finally let him take one pill to start. Not until he was eating whole meals and actually able to keep it down did he move him up to a regular dose.

He wouldn't even allow Sam or Bobby to medicate him. He was careful, making sure that Cas never got more than he needed simply because Dean would get the flashbacks of a drug addicted, sex crazed human Castiel, and he really didn't need to deal with that right now. Not above everything else.

The pain still lingered even with the help of the medication but at least it had reduced from a jagged ache to a simple throb. At least now it was tolerable, more so than Dean's Mother Henning. Not that Castiel would ever admit that. His guilt trip was more than obvious and Dean found himself having to relax the angel from a headache or his physical tension. When medication didn't work or it was too soon to give him anything above what he had, Dean would simply let his fingers do the relieving. As weird as it was, although he did the same for Sam anytime he had one of his famous migraines, he would massage the tightly corded muscles in the back of the angels neck until he was satisfied that they were relaxed enough.

He always had him lying on his stomach since it was the most comfortable position for him at this point and he always found the angel falling into sleep a lot faster each and every time. Thankfully by the early hours of the fourth day Cas didn't need the extra blood supply and Dean found himself removing it. The needle had been embedded deep in his forearm and Dean was careful to remove the massively large needle very gingerly. After taking everything out and securing the small hole with a cotton ball and some first aid tape, he went back to check on the IV drip and decided that it was best that Cas stay on it just a couple more days.

Since when the hell did Dean become a freakin' nurse, he thought. But of course he assumed that after landing in the hospital so many times that you would tend to pick up on a few things. Any experience was helpful, even when you really didn't want it.

Finally a week had passed and Dean found himself right where he wanted (and didn't want). It was time for the _talk_.

Dean was the first to try and start, but of course he had no support.

Cas was avoiding it. Sam didn't wanna talk about it. Dean was the only one trying. Since when did their roles reverse? Castiel had barely let out a peep since that oh so famous night and Sam well, you couldn't get the kid to stop. Especially when he had alcohol in his system but his words were never about what truly bothered him. He took his frustration out on the angel first.

"God, you know what?" _Pun so intended_. "You're more stubborn than a kid."

"You would know."

Dean _had_ to rewind. "I'm sorry. Was than an attempt at a joke?"

Cas simply blushed slightly in embarrassment. "Sorry."

Dean didn't even bother to ask. The angel had to be sorry for a _lot_ of things, but right now all Dean wanted was to lay everything out on the table and for _everyone_ to do the same. Yes, that meant _him_ too.

After finally removing the IV from his hand and nearly shoving the angel into a much needed shower, Dean was the one who tried to instigate the potential verbal beat down. He now gathered everyone into the living room, much to their dismay. Cas was sitting on the end of one of the couches, now wearing a pair of Dean's old jeans that he hadn't fit in like five years and a plain black shirt with a faded navy zip and hooded sweatshirt. Sam was on the other end, trying to avoid everyone else's gaze and failing miserably at it. And then there was Bobby, who was sitting in one of the armchairs fully drunk up, knowing that the younger hunter would more than likely not allow booze at this party.

It was _his_ damn house but he soon learned that when Dean was motivated, the kid got creative. And his creativity went out on hiding all his stash. The only alcohol he couldn't hide was the one in the flask in his front pocket, but even he had finished that up soon enough. Dean had even gone as far as hiding all the keys to every possibly moving vehicle in the lot. Not even the still busted up Impala was an option. They were going to have this conversation whether they wanted to or not.

"Am I gonna have to start or is someone else here willing to step up?" No surprise there. Dean was the one that started.

No one said anything, just avoided all possible eye contact and Dean found himself sighing in frustration at all three 'ninnies' surrounding him. So he did what he did best. He started to pick on them one by one. Cas was the unfortunate runner up.

"Cas, you screwed us. I mean you _majorly_ screwed us." Dean started, the ex-angel still avoiding his gaze and kept his eyes concentrated solely on his hands and the floor. "Look, I know you didn't exactly pull the trigger, but you did load the gun so, you're not 100% innocent here."

Dean tried his best to keep calm but it was incredibly difficult considering how much he had been hurt in this whole damn mess. Sure, he lost Ben and Lisa. But he also lost his best friend and nearly lost his brother, and right now, he wasn't so sure that the angel could ever redeem that title.

"I tried to tell you, _explain_ to you why what you were doing with Crowley was _wrong_. But you obviously didn't hear me."

"I heard you Dean," Castiel cut him off, finally able to look back at him. "I heard you. I just," He sighed at himself as all the events of the past few weeks unfolded in his head. "I wasn't listening."

"Damn straight you weren't listening." He added as Cas went back to avoiding his gaze.

He felt guilty. That much he knew but Dean held some guilt as well. If this was going to work then the two of them would have to compromise to settle their differences and with how stubborn the two of them were, he knew that it wasn't going to be easy.

"But I'm not exactly 100% percent innocent here either."

Everyone's heads shot up and this time it was him who found himself avoiding their gaze and picking at the peeling skin of his palm.

"Look, I screwed up too," he said, looking back at the angel whose eyes were now locked on his. "But I was trying to help you. To see the error of your ways Cas. I mean, you should have _known_ this would turn out bad. You've seen what happens when you make a deal with a demon. I don't think I need to remind you of that."

To say that this conversation was getting downright weird and extremely uncomfortable was an understatement.

"Sam and his issues with Ruby. Me and my issues with the crossroads. Dad with Azazel. You and yours with Crowley. _Crowley_." Dean stated disgustingly. As much as the guy had been a help for them when trying to stop the Apocalypse a couple years back, he proved them all again what they already knew. You just can't trust a demon. "You _had_ to have known that he would screw you over Cas. They _always_ do."

The sad guilty look in Castiel's eyes confirmed that he was getting through to him but he didn't want to finish until he was absolutely sure that he had gotten the message. Even the one he wasn't saying.

"I went to Hell. Sam released the Devil. You became a God, with an _ego_. Cas I don't think you understand how _big_ this is." Dean was now going to point out the big elephant in the room. "You literally trashed your biggest faith here. The faith you had in your Father. And yeah, I get it. The guy is not around, but that was no reason to take things this far because you thought you were doing the right thing."

Castiel looked like he wanted to say something but kept shut instead. It hadn't been his intention to proclaim himself a God, but it was too late to take it back now. Even if it had been under Michael's influence, he still held some responsibility.

"I'm, _thankful_, that you were doing this for us. To _save_ us, but you didn't have to go down this road to get what you wanted. You could have come to me for help. Why you didn't─"

"You were out." Cas said softly, finally able to ante up a little courage to speak up. "You were _out_ of it Dean. You finally had a normal life. A life with someone you could love and a child and where you didn't have to deal with monsters or demons or Heaven and Hell." Cas confessed whole heartedly, hoping to get the hunter to understand why he couldn't turn to him. "You were out. I didn't want to be the one to have to drag you back in."

Dean wanted to say something stupid about sacrificing his happiness which wasn't truly happiness but he decided to stand down on that otherwise.

"Cas. Seriously, I would have eventually been dragged back in sometime." He kept his eyes locked on the angels, hoping that he could see that he was telling the truth. "I just preferred that it would have been by _you_."

"Yeah, not by soulless me." Sam added, finally joining the conversation. "Look Cas," Sam paused, trying to find the right words to say here without sounding too spiteful. "I'm, _thankful_, that you went back for me, and tried to pull me out of Hell. Even if it was for Dean but…I understand why you couldn't go back for my soul. I'm sure you, didn't mean to leave it behind but I remember a _lot_ of shit from when I was down there." Sam sounded like he was about to pile more crap on his plate but what came next was almost a surprise. "I know you tried. And I don't hold anything against you. Not anymore."

A moment of silence passed between them before anyone spoke up.

"Thank you Sam. I really did think that I had brought you back but, I was naïve. I didn't see that your soul was missing until I started to notice how different you were." He tried his hardest to keep his eyes on the hunters. "I should have seen it sooner."

"You didn't know Cas." Sam replied before the angel could sink himself deeper into his guilt.

"It doesn't matter. I still failed you, as a friend."

"I'm still here aren't I?" Sam joked. "Sure I may have a few bad memories now but I am still your friend. And I want it to stay that way." Sam said honestly, swallowing hard at the next thing he was about to say. "You're like a brother to me too Cas, just as much as Dean thinks so but," He paused as he tried to get his bearings straight. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

Sam couldn't believe it. Did the angel really not know or was he simply pretending not to for his benefit? "Cas, I _stabbed_ you in the back. Both literally and figuratively. I nearly killed you with the idea that I didn't give a damn about you." Sam confessed, knowing that this was going to be the hardest thing of all. "Even after everything you did, everything you've ever done for us I turned my back on all of it and I forgot who it was I was really angry with." He paused again. "I was angry with myself. And I took it out on you. Everything I did when I didn't have a soul I suddenly blamed you for when it wasn't even your fault. I just hope that, after everything I've done that…you can forgive me. Because I've already forgiven you."

_Total_ chick flick moment coming.

"I already _forgave_ you Sam. There's no way I couldn't."

Sam looked like he was on the verge of tears but strongly held them back for the sake of everyone there. Finally it was Bobby's turn. Thankfully his speech was a lot shorter.

"Hell I forgive you too Cas but, I need some closure myself."

"Bobby I forgive you too, it's been forgotten." Cas quickly cut him off.

Yes, again he had doubt in him when they first started suspecting his alliance with Crowley but he was right to doubt him. And yes, he practically _tortured_ him when he was already in enough pain but he knew his reasons and forgave him for that too.

"Yeah well, on an end note," Bobby said as he was getting up from his chair. "Your brothers are dicks."

Cas nearly chuckled at the old man's ways to lighten the already lifting mood but always found it to be amusing.

"Now where the hell are my booze boy? This is my damn house and I want my damn whiskey." Bobby said somewhat gruffly.

Dean just went about pulling a small silver key from his front shirt pocket and handed it to him. "It's downstairs in the basement, behind all your broken radios and old Elvis records. You'll find a newly patched up piece of wall behind the shelf with a safe now in it."

See, _creative_.

"Whatever, idgit."

Dean just chuckled to himself as the man went to go get a much needed drink, leaving Sam and Dean with a still flightless angel on their hands.

"So, where do we go from here?" Dean asked, looking over at Cas who looked over at Sam and then back at Dean.

They didn't even get an answer before they were interrupted by an annoyingly high pitched voice.

"Can't we all just get along here."

The three of them immediately turned around and saw Gabriel standing in the study, leaning against one of the walls. Dean was the first to speak up.

"Gabriel?" He quickly got up from his arm chair and walked over to him. "Where the Hell have you been?"

"There actually." He chided, impressed at his own sense of humor. "By the way. You guys are gonna need to start rewriting your books." Gabriel pointed fingers at the two hunters and swinging them across each other.

"Our books? Why, what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Michael being the new Lucifer." He replied simply with his small snarky bit of sarcasm. The look he got from the hunter in return was pretty damn priceless. "Sorry to burst your bubble."

"Wait a minute." Dean interrupted before he could continue, waving his hands in the air to stop him before he could process another thought. "_Michael_, is the new Lucifer?"

"Sorry to break the bad news Dean-o but, _ye-ah_." Talk about unforeseen circumstances of the guy who was once gonna be your prom date. "What can I say? When you got that much power one day it will eventually go to your head. Michael straight up _screwed_ that shit."

"_So_…" Dean had to pause again at the new revelation. "Michael really is the new _Devil_?"

"Well he _killed_ the old one." Gabriel replied as if to say 'someone's gotta take over right'. To say that Dean was not amused was putting it lightly. I mean, the Devil was dead. Couldn't they just leave it at that?

"Did you scramble your brain?" Dean asked, wondering why the hell they didn't just leave well enough alone.

"Actually it was _Michael_, who was doing the brain scrambling." Sam added as a light joke as he got up and walked over to stand next to Dean, Cas trailing just behind him.

"You're tellin' me." Gabriel winced, the memories of seeing his dead brother in the cage before throwing his other one in being quite unpleasant. "Was not a pretty sight."

"So what happened to the souls?" Dean asked, seemingly forgetting about that one little detail for a second.

"The souls? What souls?" All three gave Gabriel a look before he smiled jokingly. "I'm just kidding. Of course I know what souls. Like I don't know what you're talking about." He chuckled, loving his sarcasm so much right now. "They're back in Purgatory with every other supernatural son of a bitch you've ever sliced, diced and shish kabobbed." He grinned widely. "_You're welcome_."

"Yeah, well. Great to hear." Dean said. That was as much of a thank you as he was gonna get at the moment.

Castiel however simply hung his head and looked away, avoiding their ever watchful eyes. He still felt guilty and didn't know when he would ever be able to forgive _himself_.

"Seriously bro. Stop moping." Gabriel said as he patted Cas on the back, soon turning into an awkward stroking as Gabriel caught onto something that seemed to be off. "Huh, you seem to be missing something back here."

Castiel just looked at him as if telling him it should be obvious. He should have known, right?

"_Ohhhh_. Your wings got clipped." Gabriel replied as if he was just now realizing it. "Well that explains why you didn't _die_. But, who ripped out your feathers?"

Gabriel looked at Sam who looked at Dean who looked at Cas and all three simultaneously shrugged as if to say 'we thought you knew'. That obviously wasn't the case.

"You know what. I think that might have been my fault." He admitted in his oh so 'you know I did it but didn't know I did it' sense of tone. Only this time he looked a little more confused and tilted more towards 'I really didn't do it'. "But hey, for good measure why don't I just go ask Dad and get right back to ya on that."

Before anyone could even say another word the archangel disappeared and Bobby had come back upstairs from digging out his stash, pulling out the whiskey as they first suspected.

"Anyone else want a drink?"

**To Be Continued…**

**Authors End Note: **OMG! I've just been so encouraged by your reviews! I still can't believe all the feedback I've been getting here! You guys are absolutely AWESOME! I don't think I've ever been so confident that I find myself updating every single day with an idea that was only intended as a onetime thing. You guys really are the best. Went to bed at 2:00 and woke up at 7:00 because I just couldn't contain myself. So you know the deal. Reviews make me happy, ideas keep me flowing and updates come in faster. 8)

**Authors 2nd End Note:** News just released via Twitter on TV Line about Season 7. Supernatural team, I hope you know what you're doing. *shakes head* 8(


	5. Chapter 5

**Authors Note:** Okay so I think this may be going up to 7 chapters now simply because as I said previously, my imagination tends to run unintentionally and I have just fallen in love so much with this piece that I wanted to do just a little bit more. As you can already tell from the previous chapters that I am really into the drama and hurt/comfort and angst so when Cas does start to get his wings back, don't expect it to be easy for him. I'm not trying to punish him but I just don't believe that simply giving them back will do. So please be prepared. Sorry for the delay but this chapter is the longest yet written so I hope it makes up for everything. Thank you again and enjoy. :)

**Written:** 26 May

**Soundtrack:** None

**Word Count: **4400+

**Chapter 5**

The next two weeks passed by rather quickly.

Life around the Singer household was business as usual. Well, more like the usual of the usual, with a bit of madness and mayhem mixed in for good measure. (Like their lives were gonna start hashing them out some good luck _now_. You might as well paint the skies with rainbows and tell them that there was a pot of gold at the end of each one. And that all the open fields were filled with unicorns and butterflies and happy thoughts. Pa-lease. Talk about a load of─well, the Winchesters could dream. Although that particular image seemed more like a nightmare fantasy come true, one that Gabriel might throw them in like he did with TV Land. Yikes. _Thanks Dean-o_. Crap.) Speaking of said archangel, he returned soon enough with news on Castiel's newly found humanity and how, well, maybe I should start from the beginning here.

…

Dean was with Cas in the panic room, carefully removing the stitches from his back, while the former angel did quick work of the ones in the front. Dean figured that he could pull them out himself without much worry, so allowed him to do so while he took care of the mess Bobby had left behind.

For someone without his angel mojo, Cas had been healing pretty well the last few days, and his skin around the wounds began to grow smoother and less pink from the scarring. Dean thought that they could be impressive leftovers of battle wounds to any ladies he might introduce the ex-angel to (although they would obviously keep out the details). If only Cas would actually let him, (which not to his surprise) the former angel refused. _No more dens of iniquity_. Killjoy.

"Man, Bobby really messed you up back here."

"I believe Robert's work was adequately done considering the circumstances Dean."

_For the thousandth time, what was with calling him by his full name? That's like that douche bag Robert Singer from our trip to that alternate universe where our lives were a freakin' TV show. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts. _Thanks again Dean-o. Wish I would have thought of that._ Damn it Gabriel!_

Anyways. Only a guy who had been used to healing his own wounds with a single thought would think that using medieval methods to fix them now, and still survive through the pain would think that. Even now, Cas was removing the stitches that Dean had made from his torso with ease, the work of the procedure barely leaving any trace of it behind on his skin.

The angel however, wasn't able to see the less than appealing scarring on his back where the sword had entered, and Dean simply frowned at them. The old man must have been pretty bad off nerve wise for it to turn out like this. "He did a crappy job."

Dean just shook his head and continued to carefully extract every piece of thread that was once the only thing holding the man's skin together. After finishing off with that and assuring that they could prevent any chance of an infection deciding to ruin everything, Cas got up from his seated position on the bed and put his shirt back on.

The brothers had gone shopping for the angel the day after they had their little "talk", figuring that the man would need something of his own since they didn't know how long it would take for him to get his wings back. He certainly couldn't keep borrowing clothes from _them_. Sam's clothes were fit for a sasquatch and Dean was bigger both in height and mass for him so that wasn't going to work either. To say the trip was interesting was an understatement. Cas had looked so confused and asked so many questions as to what was appropriate and what wasn't that Dean and Sam had to pick out things for him and just shove him into a dressing room to figure it out himself. It was the longest shopping trip they could ever remember in their lives. In the end they ended up paying for 2 weeks worth of clothes for him and Dean had even tempted him with a hunter green jacket with gold angel wings painted in the back, but all he got was a look from him that said "If I could still smite you, I would". He immediately threw it out. He had almost forgotten that the man was once capable of throwing him back into Hell whenever he wanted. He should probably be nicer considering that this was more than likely not going to be permanent. Or so he hoped.

That's when Gabriel decided to pop in for a visit.

"Well boys, I've got good news and I've got bad news. Which one do you want to hear first?"

"That depends, what do you consider good news?" Dean asked from his seated position on one of the arm chairs, head propped up onto one of his fists.

Castiel was sitting across from him on the other armchair, his hands folded neatly in front of him.

"Well for starters, I got some news for you from Dad." Gabriel looked over to Cas who looked a bit nervous under his usual stiff façade. "Turns out he did have a hand in taking away your wings bro. Sorry." And he actually looked it. "All those souls had attached themselves to your Grace and well, priority was getting them out of there so."

Castiel simply looked down at the floor, clearly disappointed but knowing better. Father always had his reasons and he learned early on to never question him. Even when their Father wasn't actually talking or even listening. Not that they would know anyways.

"But don't worry little brother. I'm sure you'll get it back soon enough." That made Castiel shoot his head up to look back at Gabriel. "Don't get me wrong," he placed his hands in front of him before shoving them in his pockets. "You'll have to earn them back, but think of this as a lesson. Dad knew what was going on the whole time with you and well, _everything_. He gets it okay. But he's not exactly happy with the steps you took. Honestly who could blame him." He ended his chit chat with a shrug of his shoulders.

Castiel simply looked away, knowing that Gabriel was trying to give him one of his rare 'big brother' lectures. Not that he wasn't expecting it.

"Anyways, Dad didn't want you dying either, _again_, considering that an angel sword should have done just that." Gabriel cleared his throat. "He thought the only other way to keep you alive was to take away your wings so, he did, and he made sure to leave you in the care of these muttonheads." He smiled, pointing at Dean who only glared back. "Simply because he knew they'd pull you through, even after all the crap you threw at them." Gabriel was joking now, trying to lighten the mood a little and swipe the frown off his little brothers face.

Castiel was taking the news pretty hard, both for his wings and the actions he took in the past year working with Crowley, but he had to face them whether he wanted to or not. It was the only way to come to terms with it all. His Father had ultimately saved him, removing his wings and leaving him with the Winchesters to help him, who didn't think twice about doing so even after everything he had put them through. He had valued their trust and with one secret had lost it all, but they turned their heads on everything the moment they discovered that in the very end, he had no control over his actions and didn't think twice about bringing him back. He was still their friend, their brother and that seemed to trump everything else in their book. No matter how bad those strings were severed, they always came back to that one thought: family was still family. No matter what they've done, you still love them and Cas had found out soon enough that he had fallen under that circle with them. It was a comforting fact considering they weren't even blood. But it didn't matter. In their eyes he was family and thus had to be taken care of as such.

His thoughts were soon interrupted by Dean, who noticed a tiny smile forming on the edge of the former angels face.

"So Gabe, you wanna tell me _where_ exactly God is." Dean asked, now propping two fingers against his temple to lean his head on. Even Castiel looked up, eyes searching Gabriel's for an answer.

"Yeah _sure_, let me just give you his _address_." Gabriel replied sarcastically. "Guys. I don't know where he is. Okay. No one does."

Figures. "Yeah well, if you do happen to see him. Give him a message for me will ya."

"_No_ thank you. I would recommend you be careful with what you say but knowing you, I highly doubt that." He grinned. "I haven't seen him Dean. Probably won't either. I'm just getting my message from Joshua like everyone else."

"I'm sorry but, aren't you 'The Messenger'?" Dean said seriously, although joker to joker, Gabriel could tell that he was very much trying to amuse both him and himself.

"Ha ha, very funny Dean-o. But seriously. I don't know where he is and if someone did, they sure as heck ain't talkin'."

"Then where'd you get the sword from?" Dean asked, this time dropping the jokey attitude from his tone. He had recalled Gabriel saying that the sword he had pulled all the souls out of Cas with was custom made from their Dad so begged the question, if he hadn't seen him then how did he get it?

"I had it when I woke up okay." Gabriel answered, acting as if that should have been obvious. "Look, I'd tell you more if I could, but I don't know anything."

Dean remained unconvinced as always but didn't question him any further as he took his amber eyes off Dean's green ones and focused them on the burning blue of Castiel's. "Take care of yourself bro, and good luck."

With a flap of his wings he was gone, leaving Castiel to think about his words to him. Gabriel always was a mysterious one with a poetic sense of humor but when it came to being a brother, he was one of the very few Castiel knew he could turn to. It was simply how they grew up to be.

"So, looks like you're stuck with us for a while." Dean said, breaking him out of his thoughts.

"I can think of worse places to be." He whispered.

"I mean let's face it. You didn't have anywhere else to go anyways." Dean replied somewhat firmly, knowing that he was right even if the angel never wanted to admit that he did have to depend on someone now that he was cut off.

"I'm actually very grateful for your hospitality Dean as well as Bobby's." Castiel started. "But I think I am capable of taking care of myself." He eyed him, as if trying to prove a point but failing miserably at it.

Dean saw right through that crap. "Oh please, you wouldn't last two minutes out there by yourself."

"I think I can manage Dean. I've always managed." Castiel tried to urge, as if his point made sense. But in Dean's eyes, he was back to being a baby who needed taking care of. Not that he didn't appreciate the help, but he had lived the life of an angel for millennia and thus was more than capable of learning how to get by on his own. Even if he wasn't ready for it just quite yet, he was secretly glad that he had found friends he could turn to and depend on and to remind him that he didn't have to go at everything alone.

"That's when you had wings Cas." Dean argued his own point across, though he did keep his tone down. He wanted to help his friend, his brother to get through this now that he had lost everything he'd been accustomed to as well as his own family. It wasn't fair to just leave him alone with his own problems. In this family, when one person had something to get through then they all pitched in to help, no matter how much effort it took or how long it took until they were back on the right path. "Heaven forbid someone tried to hurt you, you can't just zap away anymore Cas. You gotta fight back, and that's what family's around for."

Castiel looked back at him, taking in the notion that Dean had just verbally mentioned that they were family again.

"We may still have a lot of issues on the table to take care of, but we've got plenty of time for that. What we need to do right now is get you back in God's good graces and only He knows how long that's gonna take." He smiled, trying to assure him that he was serious on his actions. "I told you we were gonna fix this. And I meant that Cas." Another chick flick moment was coming, and this from the master of refusing to do chick flick moments. "You're a part of this crazy family now. You know how it works."

And that he did. He had seen so much the past few years that he still couldn't understand at times how the brothers hadn't already killed each other, but that was just their way. They didn't have anyone else except each other, so whenever they hit one of those many speed bumps they simply put both their hands back on the wheel and straightened it out. Sure they had other choices they could follow to prevent anymore of such incidents, but they ultimately always chose to go back to the other. They were family, and nothing was capable of tearing that apart. _Nothing_.

"You pulled me outta Hell," Dean smiled, looking up from the floor and looking back at Cas, staring straight into his eyes with as much sincerity as he was capable of giving. "It's only fair that I try and get you back into Heaven."

Those few little words had the former angel feeling like he was soaring.

* * *

><p>Weeks had passed since that conversation. Since then, Sam's nightmares took a lot of precedence from them and whenever Dean or Cas couldn't help him through it, Bobby always tried to in his own ways. Sure sometimes there was alcohol involved but sometimes there were words involved too and Bobby was pretty good at putting the younger hunter at ease.<p>

Dean had gone to trying to help Castiel with his problem but the most they could do really was wait it out and see, considering there wasn't actually a rule book on the subject. So they spent their days performing their regular routines.

Until one day when the former angel started to feel a bit off.

Castiel started off the day feeling normal, but as the day progressed he began to notice little subtle changes in his body. It first started when the angel realized that he had no appetite when he awoke and even went through the majority of the day without so much as eating anything.

That afternoon is when he started to feel the slight change in temperature. It was barely noticeable at first but as the hours ticked on and the day turned into night, Castiel started to feel it more and more. He had a fever, but he knew that it wasn't very much alarming so he didn't think to tell anyone.

He recalled Dean suffering from one a few months before and after taking a little bit of medication and a little bit of rest he was back on his feet in no time at all. Same concept, he figured. Sometimes these things just popped out of nowhere Dean had explained, when the angel had found out and gotten worried.

So he followed his example. Just for added measure he had also stepped into a cold shower, hoping that by the next day it would dissipate completely.

He woke up the next morning feeling even worse.

His limbs now felt sluggish and his temperature had climbed even higher from just a few hours before. He wondered if maybe he should say something now that everything he had tried had accomplished nothing. But again, he kept it to himself and decided that perhaps he just needed to rest a little while longer. So he decided that a couple more hours of sleep was necessary.

That was the first thing that Dean had noticed. Dean was usually the last to wake up since he was still spending much of his late nights to early mornings trying to help Sam get some peace from his nightmares. This time he was the first and even though he expected Cas to already be downstairs and eating breakfast with Bobby, he found the angel to still be sleeping in his room next to theirs. Except this time the curtains were heavily drawn and there was barely any light entering in, except for what little peeked through the bottom of the door. When he had finally woken up just shortly before Sam did, Dean asked him if everything was alright and Cas simply pretended that he had just had a headache and nothing more. Dean remained unconvinced however but let it go, not wanting to act like the man's baby-sitter. So the two of them simply sat at the table quietly, Dean with his plate of bacon and eggs and Cas across from him with his small bowl of grain cereal. The former celestial never did find the meal of meat very appetizing for waking up to.

The two of them were done soon enough and went their separate ways for the day. Dean had gone to fixing up his baby, the Impala still a mangled mess and Cas had decided on spending his time in the study with Bobby. The man had quite the impressive collection of books but Castiel found many of them to be incredibly inaccurate and helped the older hunter to correct them. Sam had soon joined them, using Cas to help translate a lot of the old text they had and found it all quite fascinating how much he knew. Cas could speak every language known to man and then some and the hunters couldn't help but take advantage of that while they could. It had stayed that way very much until the afternoon until Cas had to excuse himself and headed upstairs.

His stomach had been bothering him for a couple of hours now and besides the cereal from the morning, he had nothing else in his stomach except for water. He found himself letting it all go into the toilet until there was nothing left but dry heaves. He had tried being as quiet as possible but apparently after being gone for a little longer than expected he found Sam knocking on the door asking if everything was okay. He had apparently heard the heaving and immediately grew concerned. Castiel simply picked himself up on his now trembling knees and flushed the evidence away, rinsing out his mouth and passing a towel through his sweating face. The fever had remained throughout the day, not going up but refusing to go down either.

Castiel simply chose to ignore it all. The heat emanating from his skin, the cramping in his stomach, the tiny prickles in his muscles, he assumed that this was all just the cause of some bug and decided that he would simply sleep it off. It was still early to everyone else in the household, but by the time Bobby went to bed around nine Castiel decided to turn in as well. He had now been feeling a little drowsy for hours but did not want to arouse suspicion so waited until one of them turned in first. Castiel didn't even bother to change out of his clothes, quickly falling onto the bed in his jeans, shirt and the navy hooded sweater that Dean had allowed him to keep. He eventually found himself digging under the covers, this mysterious ailment now adding chills to wrack his body along with everything else.

He just let himself fall easily into sleep, hoping that the next day would bring an end to this cursed misfortune.

To his slight surprise, he woke up the next morning feeling fine. The shakes had receded and so had the pain in his stomach and the jolting shooting through his nerves were now also gone. Even the fever remained just a little out of reach of normalcy. Instead of making him hot and uncomfortable, it felt more like a simple blush over his skin and he felt that it was much more tolerable this time around.

He spent the majority of the day with Dean, the hunter still working on his car while Bobby worked on the other side of the junkyard and Sam remained inside looking for possible hunts for them. Sure they couldn't get around without the Impala but Bobby had a whole yard full of vehicles they could use. When Sam brought up the idea Dean just gave him a look as if to tell him that he was flat out, out of his mind and that there was no way he would consider it. The answer was no, period. Not a maybe, not an I'll think about it, not an I'll see, just flat out _Hell No_. Sam had tried but Dean wasn't budging and decided that hunts would have to wait a while until his baby was back in working condition. He wouldn't take her any other way.

By mid afternoon Dean was satisfied with her enough to take a break and went inside to shower, change and eat. Castiel of course followed him, needing to get out of the heat a little, while Bobby remained outside working on the engine of an old 79' Corvette. Sam had gone out to get supplies and some groceries, noticing the hunters fridge was absent of quiet a few food items and filled with more than enough other little ingredients. While Dean had finished with his cleaning up, Castiel remained occupied in the study again, a book on angelic lore sitting on his lap and another on old Enochian magic pressed in front of his face.

By the time Dean had come back downstairs and prepared himself and the former angel some lunch, Castiel had already halfway finished correcting his latest project and gently put the book down. He and the hunter conversed a little while eating, not talking about anything in particular but nothing insignificant either. It was simply just to talk. Castiel enjoyed them, especially after everything the pair had gone through and especially recently, he always found these conversations to be light and nice. It was over with soon enough as Dean went about scouring the internet to see what Sam had picked up on his little tirade and found quite a few interesting stories floating around. He found one in particular that he liked (of course it had a few dozen damsels in distress) and decided that maybe they could hit the road and check it out, Cas included.

While Dean went about checking the possibility of them leaving soon, he asked Cas to retrieve something from the panic room for him and the angel happily obliged. It was a simple pick up. Head downstairs towards the basement, pass the shelves and into the panic room. Short and simple. Except it wasn't so simple the moment he was about to leave back upstairs.

Castiel suddenly felt a flush of heat wrap over him like a wave and it felt like someone had suddenly cranked up the heat by 20 degrees. The dizziness is what hit him next and Castiel found himself pressing his palms into his sockets to relieve himself of the headache starting to spring up out of nowhere. It crippled him, so much so that he quickly found himself falling on his knees and pressing his hands against his head, hoping by some miracle that it would help relieve the pain. However it did nothing and Castiel felt that heat from the day before come full circle, now engulfing him in its fiery hell. He felt his skin burning, but before he could do anything else he felt his eyes shutting closed and the next thing he knew he was now fully on the ground, passed out from high fever and sudden exhaustion. The last thing he remembered before falling into the darkness, was wishing that he could call out to Dean.

The elder hunter remained upstairs, waiting for the ex-angel to show up with what he needed. But after several minutes had passed and he still heard no approaching footsteps Dean started to get a little annoyed. That annoyance quickly turned into being antsy and Dean immediately got up from the table to head downstairs. He was wondering what could possibly take so long for the angel to get just one little thing, but the answer became immediately evident the moment he made it to the bottom of the stairs. Right across from him was the panic room, door left completely open from its last visitor and Dean could clearly see that on the other side lay Castiel, passed out on the floor.

"Cas!"

Dean immediately ran over to him, hoping to God that his friend was alright, but the moment he reached him Dean knew that he was far from it. Tiny beads of sweat rolled down his face and his skin had paled to such a degree that Dean would have thought that the angel was worse off than when Sam had stabbed him, or even worse, dead. He called out to the man again as he carefully turned him over from his side onto his back, but got no response from him as he tried to rouse him awake. Castiel was completely out, and Dean was so focused on trying to wake him that he never noticed the two shadowy figures protruding underneath from either side of Castiel's back.

**Authors End Note:** 784 hits last chapter! I am just absolutely flabbergasted that I'm beaming. I cannot thank **everyone** enough for favoring, alerting and reviewing. You guys make me so happy that it's contagious. And to Feathered Filly, who wrote one of the most jaw dropping reviews I've seen of late, I also suffer from FCMD, so you are not alone. 8P Again, you know how this works. Reviews are love so start typing away. 8D For those waiting for an update on 'When Our Prayers Go Unanswered', please be patient as I am already 7000 words in and still need to add a few more touches before I can start editing. Also, updates may take a bit longer now that I am officially employed again so I now find myself with only 2 days out of the week to focus on writing than my usual 7. I apologize in advance for the delay. Thanks again everyone. 8P


	6. Chapter 6

**Authors Note:** I can't believe I just saw this but I am just now realizing how pissed off I am from the finale now that I am actually allowing myself to look back at it. As a matter of fact, I've been pissed off with Supernatural since 'Mommy Dearest', when Castiel performed his first torture. I can't believe it. I am just ticked off at how much they changed Castiel and I have to say that I hate it. And I am someone who doesn't even like to use the word in reference to anything, but it's the truth. I absolutely **hated** what they did. Castiel is an angel, and even though we've been shown that some of them are capable of such cruel acts they should have **never** contemplated that about Cas. **Never**. Even in the finale when Robin discussed how Crowley tortured her and how she held, but then broke when the angel stepped in was absolutely mind boggling. That was their first **mistake**. They tried to show us reason in 'The Man Who Would Be King', but again I am just realizing that that was not enough to me personally to rectify his actions. And the gloomy sarcasm. I mean really? "It's simple. Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it." **WTF!** Speaking of mistake, the rumors I've heard (although I don't know if it's actually true or not) are that Sera Gamble has an infatuation with the character of Sam and thus was the reason why the season was so Sam-centric in the beginning. The inside joke was even noted in the episode 'The French Mistake', when Sam's line about the show when he first saw his house was "I must be the star of this thing." Pa-lease. It takes two to tango people. You know what, I'm mad. So I'm just gonna stop my ranting **now** before I get more pissed off. Damn it, The Singing Duck, I think you were **right**. I was just holding it in and didn't even realize it. I'm officially banning myself from watching Supernatural until September, lest I want to fall into a depression. Geez. The writers better fix this whole mess that is called season 6 and if they don't, well, then I'm afraid that I must bow out. I agree with you Feathery Filly, they **destroyed** three hard working years of character development this season in just one episode. Tragic. It's just complete bull $#!+. Sorry for the rant guys, I just had to let this out. :(

**Written:** 27 May

**Soundtrack:** None

**Word Count: **4000+

**Chapter 6**

Dean couldn't even begin to explain what this was.

One minute Castiel appeared to be fine, and the next minute he was unconscious and burning with fever. The first thing that popped into the hunters mind was that this wasn't normal, _couldn't_ be normal. Not with how fast this had fallen on the once angel. The man was literally boiling in his own skin, and from the moment Dean and Bobby brought him upstairs to now, the younger hunter could have sworn that his temperature had gone up at least a couple degrees. It was rising too quickly and would soon reach dangerous levels if he couldn't get it under control. Castiel remained deathly pale, the only color in his too flushed skin being the rose red tinge of his cheeks.

Whatever the hell this was, Dean knew that it could potentially kill Castiel and if anything was going to take out the former angel he sure as heck wasn't going to let it be this or even let it be now. His friend needed his help, and after all the other crap that had been served to them these past few years, Dean wasn't going to let _anything_ take anyone else away from him. He had already lost enough.

Cas, had already lost enough.

His thoughts were soon interrupted by Sam, who quickly walked in through the front door carrying a brown paper grocery bag and placing it on the foyer table.

"Bobby just told me what happened. Is he alright?" The younger hunter asked as he entered the living room and rounded the couch to stand behind Dean, who was currently sitting on the coffee table dabbing a wet brown paper towel against Cas' left cheek and neck.

"No man, he's burning up." He places it back in the water bowl and wrings it out with his right hand, his left still on the angels right cheek, repeating the action on the other side.

"Is he sick?"

"I don't know yet." Dean answered honestly, dipping the towel and wringing it out again, this time dabbing his left temple and forehead.

In all honestly, Dean couldn't be sure of anything right now and deep down Sam knew it too. They had been anticipating for Castiel to earn his wings again but weren't sure how that was actually going to happen. Gabriel had mentioned that it wasn't going to be easy but as to what they should expect, well they weren't really given anything to rely on or look forward too. This fact was what scared the two brothers, and they wondered if Cas was going to be tested in some way. And ultimately, was this test going to be something that Cas could actually get through. Even though the former angel was one of the most powerful, determined and strong-willed individuals they had ever met, and as stubborn as any Winchester could be to add, Dean just had to wonder. Would Cas be able to get through it, even with their help?

Castiel moaned weakly as he started to regain some small form of consciousness, but still his eyes remained closed. Dean shushes him, telling him to relax as he continued dabbing the paper towel against his sweaty forehead and holding it there. His skin literally felt like it was on fire.

"I'll get you one of the small towels from the bathroom." Sam offered and immediately went to retrieve one.

"Thanks." Dean replied as he continued with his ministrations.

Bobby had gone to get ice after realizing just how quickly the fever was rising and promised to be back soon enough, knowing that the small supply they had currently would be nowhere near enough. Dean only hoped that the trip wouldn't be a waste of time but quickly bit back his tongue, not wanting to even give that thought the smallest bit of precedence. Castiel wasn't going to go out like this, this he swore to both the angel and himself. His family had already gone through Hell and back, literally, and if anyone was going to take any more of its members then they had better be prepared for a fight to come their way. Even God could go screw himself in his eyes and Dean knew that whatever test both his blood and spiritual brothers would go through in their lives, they both had one thing in common. Dean would be there for both of them, no matter what crap came flying their way. After everything they had gone through, in all honesty, what else was there to prove.

…

Castiel was trapped in his own mind. The images of the events unfolding around him as Michael took control of him quickly flooded his brain, and he tried so desperately to rid himself of them.

Castiel had found himself at a crossroads, unsure of what to do at this point. He wanted so desperately to win the war against Raphael, but at the cost of his own soul and small form of humanity, he began to wonder if it was truly worth the price. If it was worth it to the one true person he was willing to sacrifice everything for. Sacrifice himself for. He turned to the only person he could think of to get an answer from, but in the end even he remained silent, and Castiel found himself on his own.

Or so he thought.

The pain was quick, but nowhere near painless. He had recognized its Grace almost immediately, but it felt so different now that he wasn't even sure it could be the one he thought possible. He quickly got his answer however when he felt it clawing its way into his very Grace, taking over his delicate mind and trapping him within himself. Michael had been vicious, making sure to give Castiel to punishment he thought he deserved as a once fallen angel and he made sure to not leave anything to waste.

Castiel was in agony, body hooked and chained from every limb as darkness descended over him and an overly amused Michael watched on as Castiel's Grace quickly began to die. He tried to cry out to anyone, hoping that someone would listen and set him free but Michael simply mocked him at his attempts to free himself. Castiel was trapped and deep down, the lesser angel knew it. Even so he struggled, trying desperately to gain his freedom, but even the most determined angels could only fight for so long. Castiel's body received much of the punishment but it was his wings that got the worst of it all. Michael was determined to teach Castiel a lesson and he played his part beautifully, screaming as he carved into the delicate appendages protruding from his younger brothers back.

No matter how much Castiel cried out, Michael assured him that no one would hear him. Even more so, no one would care.

"Just stop Castiel. Let it go." Michael whispered, using his finger to slowly lift up Castiel's chin and get the angel to look at him, fresh blood dripping down the left side of his face where he had just made his latest carve. "Dean can't hear you."

The look on Castiel's face was a mix of sadness and regret, but he couldn't think to believe that his charge would give up on him so easily even after everything that they had gone through in the last year with Crowley. The profound bond the two had shared still meant something to him and he prayed that deep down, Dean still felt the same, even if it was in some small measure. Whatever little hope he had left in that idea was quickly shattered as Michael brought him back to reality, another carve through his suddenly delicate flesh carrying out another scream from him.

"Don't bother Castiel. Dean stopped trusting you a long time go."

Tears now joined the blood still seeping from his forehead and Castiel found himself letting his brothers words persuade him. Castiel knew that he had betrayed the one person who actually believed in him, and even though he was going through it all to save him and his world, he wondered if the hunter would even care anymore. Dean had told him that he would have to do whatever it took to stop him, but had he truly meant it? Castiel couldn't even begin to think about it as Michael took another slash at him, this time carving right through the base of his wings and causing them to sever from his back completely. He watched as the delicate pieces that once made him who he was fell to the ground beside him, blood seeping from his shoulder blades and staining them a dark red. Castiel didn't even bother to hide the tears anymore.

He didn't even bother to scream this time either.

…

Castiel suddenly found himself hearing voices, and the sound of them immediately had his heart feeling lighter. He found that they were drawing him out of his nightmare and he tried so desperately to cling onto them as if his sake depended on it.

"Cas?"

It was Dean's voice. He recognized it almost immediately.

"Castiel?"

Sam. Sam was here too. Both of their voices held tones of worry and Castiel wondered what that could be for. He tried to open his eyes, but his lids felt like heavy weights and he found himself struggling to perform the seemingly simple task.

"Cas."

Dean's voice again. He was calling to him, trying to bring him up to the surface, but Castiel was failing miserably at getting there. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't seem to get himself to focus. A sudden tap to the cheek drew himself out of his haze, and he found himself slowly opening his eyes, now glazed from sleep and fever. The first image he saw was Dean, or so he thought. His vision was incredibly blurry, but after blinking a few times he managed to see a little clearer and saw that it was indeed the older hunter, standing above him, his eyes holding a look of concern. Behind him stood Sam, the same look falling from his eyes, and Castiel wondered what it was that had them so worried. That's when he remembered his body suddenly feeling like it was engulfed in flames.

"What happened?" Castiel managed to whisper, his voice sounding so hoarse it was if he had suddenly been gargling nails, and sandpaper to add to that.

"You took a swan dive." Dean replied, wetting the small dish towel, wringing it out and folding it, placing it over his forehead. He continued dabbing his cheek and the pulse point in his neck with the paper towel as Castiel merely gave him a look, as if to say that he didn't understand that reference. Oh how Dean missed that. "You fainted Cas."

"I fainted?" He asked innocently, not actually remembering the moment. The last thing he recalled was Michael, but then it all came flooding back to him and the fear he recalled experiencing as he slipped into the darkness quickly consumed him.

Dean must have noticed because his hand suddenly found itself on his shoulder, as he tried to get the former angels attention.

"It's okay Cas. You don't need to worry about anything alright? Just try and rest a little bit."

"I don't understand." Castiel whispered as he seemed locked within his own thoughts, his eyes no longer locked with the hunters. Dean simply stared at him, trying to understand what the angel was suddenly talking about. "I thought it was going away."

"Going away? What was going away Cas? What are you talking about?" Deans anxiety suddenly heightened a bit, knowing that the fever was high enough for him to probably start experiencing delusions and hallucinations. This couldn't be a good sign.

"I thought this was going away." Castiel whispered again as Dean cupped the paper towel against the left side of his neck. Castiel looked like he was completely out of it and Dean could feel that under the paper that the fever was only getting higher. "It wasn't as bad earlier. Why does it feel so bad now?"

Did he just hear right? Was the angel actually telling him that this wasn't the first time he had had this? Dean looked at him with a look of bewilderment and then back at Sam, who simply shook his head and shrugged his shoulders at him. He then went back to looking at Cas, who still looked like he was in another world.

"Wait a minute. What do you mean from earlier? You mean you've had this for a while?" Dean asked, a tinge of annoyance masked behind his worry.

"Just a couple of days." Castiel breathed lightly, locking his eyes back on the hunters.

Dean was about ready to bitch. Nope, screw it. He _was_ going to bitch. "A couple of days? Why the hell didn't you say anything?" Dean suddenly felt his chest swelling, and he found himself getting pissed.

"Because it was going away." Castiel whispered, as if the answer had been obvious. His expression quickly changed however from revelatory to somewhat ashamed. "I didn't want to worry you."

"Damn it Cas!" Dean hollered, trying hard to control the harsh tone of his voice. The man was more than likely feeling miserable enough. He really didn't need to be scolding at him. "I've told you that if you feel bad or if anything seems off you need to tell me."

"I didn't think it was that bad." He said innocently. "I'm sorry."

"No Cas you just didn't think." Dean definitely scolded this time, taking in the hurt expression on Cas' face. He bit the inside of his cheek as he tried to control his aggravation. Even if the angel had good intentions, he really didn't need to keep doing this. The last time he did it nearly tore everything between them apart. "Even if you thought that it would just go away, I'm gonna be worried if you hide it from me Cas. I don't need you doing that to me anymore. From now on, you say something to me. I don't give a damn what it is. Even if it's a toothache I want to know."

Castiel thought the older hunter was overreacting, but then again he was feeling downright miserable right now and thought against saying anything, the heat from his fever only growing higher. Castiel moaned weakly again as he shut his eyes and Dean removed the now dry washcloth from his forehead, quickly rewetting it and placing it back.

Castiel tried to focus on ignoring the heat he felt swallowing him whole but found it nearly impossible to do as he started to shiver. It was slight at first but he soon felt his joints aching and his body began to shake almost violently. Castiel shut his eyes even tighter as Dean called out to him, noticing the shaking under the one blanket that covered him.

Even though his whisper was barely audible, Castiel managed to bring one out and complained to the older hunter that he was cold. Dean didn't even wait for him to ask twice and immediately looked back at his younger brother.

"Sam go get the blankets from upstairs."

Sam didn't even wait, and quickly sprinted up the stairs to their room. By the time he was back down Castiel found himself covered in the original blue blanket, the blanket from the downstairs closet, both of the brothers blankets from their beds and even the quilt from the panic room. He was literally buried in blankets but they only managed to reduce the angels shivering to a small degree. His fever on the other hand was continuing to spike and Dean began to wonder exactly what it was that was causing it to climb so high so fast.

Bobby had returned shortly after with the bags of ice as promised and Dean immediately took the initiative of trying to cool their spontaneously combusting ex-angel down. It seemed to work for a while but after only just a couple of hours Dean found the ice doing nothing for him and Castiel found himself starting to slip back out of consciousness. Drugs weren't helping either and even though Sam, Dean and Bobby tried everything they could think of to bring the fever down, every effort had been in vain.

Castiel was now also starting to complain of pain in his back and after a short while was refusing to lay on it. Sam and Dean had helped him to roll over onto his right side to face the back of the couch but still he complained of the pain. Dean carefully lifted the back of his shirt, Bobby's eyes immediately falling down to the ugly scarring on his lower back until they met up with the two red rashes reaching down from Castiel's shoulder blades all the way down to his beltline. Dean didn't know what the hell it was, but if he didn't know any better he would have to think that this was where Castiel's wings should have been.

"Maybe I could call Andrea. Ask her for another favor." Bobby said as the younger hunter turned around to look at him.

"You still owe her dinner for the last one." He tried to joke, but failed miserably as he took one of the ice packs that Sam had handed him and pressed it lightly against Castiel's back.

The angel immediately flinched away but Dean held him down with a firm grip on his arm and tried to coax him to relax. The only thing it did was make Castiel shiver even more and Dean found himself having to pull it away. Running out of ideas, and out of options Dean decided that it was time to take some drastic measures and wondered if maybe the hospital was the best way to go. Castiel immediately shut the idea down and even though Dean insisted that it might be their only option Castiel tried to talk him out of it, revealing that if he truly was in the process of regaining his wings then without his Grace to support them that he very well may reveal them. That was enough to get Dean to stop. Though he didn't know if the angel was telling to truth or simply trying to trick him in getting to stay, Dean eventually gave in and decided to take a different approach.

If Castiel wasn't going to go to the hospital then the least they could do was make sure that the former angel didn't actually have some sort of infection or anything, and decided that drawing blood was the only way to be sure. Dean was the one to do it, and after getting the supplies from Bobby's stash and collecting what he needed from Cas' arm, he immediately pocketed the tube and headed out with Sam, leaving Castiel in Bobby's care.

The former angel didn't even much as acknowledge the desertion and simply let his mind slip under his heavily fevered mind. Bobby continued to try to lower his temperature with the ice, which had now reached a staggering 107 degrees but still found it doing nothing. It didn't matter to him. Even though Castiel protested the cold and only caused him to shiver even more Bobby insisted that he couldn't allow him to fry his brains and continued on with the ministrations.

Dean had reached the hospital soon enough, calling Andrea on the way there and informing her of the situation. She of course felt obliged to help and was there waiting for them at the front door as they pulled up. She immediately took the two of them downstairs to the lab, Dean following the already familiar halls downwards and reaching the double doors to the glass room. Why this place always looked so deserted was beyond him, but at this point he wasn't complaining and quickly handed her the vile.

Andrea asked curiously why they couldn't just bring their friend in and Dean immediately answered that he wanted Castiel resting as much as possible, and considering that he hated hospitals, didn't want to add to his stress anymore than he had to. Even that excuse sounded legit in Sam's eyes though both of them saw the doubt in hers. Dean kept his façade however, knowing that telling her the truth would only put her in an awkward position. Even with her expertise on the supernatural, maybe dealing with angels was above her pay grade, no matter how high it was.

After performing just a few tests and an hour studying the blood under a microscope, she claimed that she could find nothing to answer for the sudden fever and chills and told Dean that this may be something 'not medical'.

Figures. Dean quickly nodded his head and thanked her, quickly dragging Sam out and calling Bobby to inform him of their lack of finding anything useful. What he hears next coming out of the older hunters mouth nearly has his blood running cold.

"Dean you might want to get some heavy duty fever reducers while you're there because Cas' fever is raging out of control."

"Well how high is it?" Dean asked, the panic he was trying to hide quickly surfacing and betraying his tough façade.

"It's at a 110, and still climbing." Bobby replied as he started placing small bags of ice around the angel, covering him as much as he could without the angel protesting. Then again, at this point Castiel couldn't much as move now, his joints locking on him. His breathing was quickly becoming erratic and the shaking had only gotten more violent as he tried to curl his body in on itself. He had even begun complaining about pain in his chest and the rashes on his back now sported ugly bruising of both purple and black. "Dean get your ass back here now!"

Dean didn't even wait for him to hang up and quickly got back to the car with Sam in toe. Dean passed every street sign, red light and even ignored every speed limit as he raced to get back to the house. Even Sam was getting nervous at his neurotic behavior behind the wheel but the brothers found themselves getting back in less than 20 minutes. That was all it took for the fever to rise another five degrees to reach up to 115 and Bobby was now on the verge of a full fledge panic. Castiel was having trouble breathing, the pain in his chest and back more than doubling in intensity and the fight to hold back the screams from it all had all but fallen. Castiel now found himself crying as he could literally feel his insides ripping apart and being engulfed in merciless flames. It was like being tortured by Michael all over again and this time, Castiel couldn't hold in his anguish any longer.

He started to scream, even as Dean and Sam tried to hold him down to keep him from hurting himself. They were surprised when they suddenly found themselves being thrown across the room and the screams now coming from Cas had an echo following right behind them. Dean, Sam and Bobby quickly found themselves having to cover their ears as the next scream Castiel gave was so electrifying that it literally shook the house, rattled the windows and blew out the lights. The three of them could do nothing as they tucked their heads between their arms and pressed their hands tightly against their eardrums. The sound was intense and soon after that Dean found himself looking up as Castiel's eyes and mouth suddenly found them filling with light.

The whole room was soon engulfed in it and the last thing Dean knew before tightly shutting his eyes was the blinding supernova that engulfed them, and the shadows of wings appearing behind Castiel.

**Authors End Note:** I'm so fucking cruel that it's scary. 8( Your reviews have been such an inspiration for me. You really have no idea how much I appreciate them. Next chapter will be the last one so if you've been around this whole time and until then, then I am eternally grateful. Again, thank you so much for the touching reviews. Also, even though I've never actually thought about it, Feathered Filly, I would be honored to take on the challenge of taking suggestions from you or anyone here. As you can already tell I am very much into the hurt/comfort and angst and drama with a mix of brotherly bonding so I would certainly take anyone up on it. I already have another one shot idea in the works (of course it involves Hurt!Cas and angst) but I would like to finish at least the first part of my verse (which I just thought of a name for but can't yet give away) so before anything, 'When Our Prayers Go Unanswered' will have to be done. Again, you know what I love so if you love this chapter please review and let me know. Thank you so much again. 8)


	7. Chapter 7

**Authors Note:** Well here it is, the last chapter. *sniff* To be honest I never would have thought that I would write a story such as this and I am really glad I did. This was fully intended as a simple one shot only, nothing more, but you guys asked for it and I have to admit, I wanted it too. I am really happy with the result and I certainly hope that you are too. Again, you guys have been absolutely incredible. Not just those who have reviewed but also those who have favored and alerted and have just read this piece. It may have been a little dark and heavy for some of you, I know I had the idea that I may have been crossing the line a little much in some instances but ultimately I really found myself surprisingly inspired. And that's all thanks to all of you. Your responses have all been really amazing. So I dedicate this story to every single reader who visited and I certainly hope that you weren't disappointed. This is for you. Hope to see you again in the future. 8)

**Written:** 28 May

**Soundtrack:** None

**Word Count:** 2900+

**Chapter 7**

The pain was intense. So much so that Castiel was sure that he would not survive it. It was like every mental, physical and emotional hurtle he had ever endured and all that pain combined up to this, only double. He couldn't even take in his surroundings, everything within those four walls a complete and utter blur to him. He could feel his ears ringing, bleeding almost at the sound of his true angelic voice and the light that shot from his eyes and mouth burned him even hotter than the fever ever did.

It all felt so surreal and by the time it was all over he felt himself falling back into the darkness, where neither the pain or his newly regained essence could reach him. Nothing registered for him for that one, simple second, and the first thing he could feel besides the Grace now pulsing in his chest were the wings now protruding from his back. That's what he felt the most, the graceful additions to his body that felt so light and free, it was as if he was carrying nothing but air.

The idea took some getting used to considering he had spent weeks without them, and after hearing a soft gasp coming from Dean behind him, he knew. He slowly started to uncurl himself as his wings spread apart behind him and slowly started to retract back into his vessel. The physicality of them must have affected his friends, for all he heard was dead silence behind him, the sight of an angels trademark clearly taking them for surprise.

He slowly opened his eyes, his body still feeling a bit like lead, but managed to slowly sit up from the cushions and turned his head to face the three men who stared at him; both with curiosity and awe.

If there was anything to say amongst the four of them, nobody spoke up.

At least not a first. Several moments passed before anyone could actually say anything and it was Dean who finally spoke up.

"Cas?" The angel slowly looked up to face the hunter, both their eyes locking on each other simultaneously. "Are you…okay?"

Castiel merely looked down at his hands, almost as if they were the most interesting things in the world and slowly started to move the heavy pile of blankets off of himself, sliding his bare feet to the cold wooden floor beneath him. He carefully gripped the edge of the couch and pushed himself up to stand, his legs still feeling a bit shaky but otherwise steady. Everything just felt so different and as he slowly started to pass his hands through his chest and stomach he felt that there was something missing. He slowly lifted the bottom of his shirt and the first thing he noticed was the same thing that the others had as well.

His body was free of any scars and even as he walked over to the mirror hanging in the foyer and turned around to look at his back, he noticed the same. Every indication of their altercation all those weeks before were completely gone, all that was remaining of them but a distant memory. He strangely even found himself passing his hand over that very spot where his injury first stood, but again, felt nothing but smooth skin beneath his fingertips.

He carefully lowered his shirt back down and turned around to look back at the three hunters still standing there. In response to Dean's earlier question, Castiel gave him a simple nod.

Dean could only look back at Cas, the idea that he was now back to angel status taking a little time to process after all this time of the man being human.

Everything was pretty much silent after that.

Castiel had gone back to sitting down on the couch, his body still feeling a little fatigued from his recent ailment but otherwise in better shape. His skin was now cool to the touch, almost as if the fever had never happened, but it had left him feeling incredibly tired. Bobby came back from the kitchen with a mug of hot tea and carefully handed it to him, indicating for him to drink it even though the angel really didn't need to. He said nothing however and did so anyways. He immediately felt his eyes wanting to droop from the hot liquid now filling his chest and stomach but he resisted its pull and fought to stay awake.

He wouldn't last very long.

Sam, Dean and Bobby could see that Cas wanted to fall asleep and instead of bombarding him with questions, Sam and Bobby chose to get up and busy themselves elsewhere and left Dean behind to talk to him.

Even though he couldn't really think of much to say except, 'hey you've got wings again', he knew that he didn't really have to say anything. Castiel was trying so hard to hide a smile under his usual blank facade but Dean saw it clear as day. Cas was soaring in his mind right now and deep down, he knew it was both in the mental and emotional sense. Dean simply just sat there, staring back at his friend as he looked down at the warm mug still half full in his hands.

That's when he finally saw it.

Castiel still didn't take his eyes off from the tea still warming his fingers but the smile he had been hiding came out just slightly, along with a small amount of tears welling around his eyes. He was practically radiating with happiness and with the thought of Dean seeing this vulnerable side of him only made that one tear that threatened to fall actually do so. Dean knew that this was definitely a major chick flick moment for him, maybe even for both of them, but he went along with it anyway and slowly got up to sit down next to Cas.

Before doing so however he stood standing before him, bending down just a little and wrapping his arms around the angel, embracing him in one of his signature hugs. For a chick flick moment, he figured the two of them could actually use it and was not the least bit surprised when he felt the angels tense muscles relaxing almost instantly under the embrace. Cas felt pretty damn happy and that in turn made Dean feel the same.

He _definitely_ felt a smile this time, as well as a couple more tears. _Maybe_ some coming from him too.

He hesitantly let go after a moment and sat down on the couch beside Castiel. He tried not to acknowledge the fact that the silence between them was strangely comforting and only just a little awkward but before he could break it for them Cas decided to do him the favor.

"I wanted to thank you Dean." Castiel started, letting the mug only slightly slide down his hands. "Even after everything I did…you still didn't give up on me." Castiel slowly turned to face him, his eyes holding a hint of appreciation and even admiration towards his friend. "Michael was wrong, wasn't he."

Dean paused only for a moment, trying to interpret what the angel was really asking him. His answer was obvious. "Michael was a dick."

Castiel could only chuckle at the hunters constant reference of his brothers. It had always been his favorite term he supposed.

"I mean sure, you had me going there for a while but, even if Michael told you something that wasn't true," Dean looked back at him, trying to find the right words to say. "I hope you know that he was full of crap. No matter what it was I hope you knew better than to believe him."

Dean looked at him almost stone faced, as if telling him that he didn't need to question his loyalties. Even though the two of them had pretty much been given the biggest betrayals between them, it still wasn't enough to erase what was actually there. Their 'profound bond' as Cas had once put it was a pretty damn strong one, and if anyone was willing to challenge it, well then they would be up for one hell of a fight.

"None of that matters anymore Cas. At least to me, that door has been sealed shut and…I'm hoping that the same goes for you." Dean said honestly, still making sure to keep his eyes locked on the angels so that he could tell that he was being truthful. "I don't want any more of that feeling guilty crap, alright? It's over and done."

Castiel said nothing and went back to staring at his tea, wondering if he should tell the hunter exactly what Michael had told him when he was trapped behind the archangels ferocity. It still very much lingered in his mind and he felt that the only way to get rid of it was to finally let go of his fear.

Dean knew that there was something deep on his mind and carefully put a hand on his shoulder to let him know that he could tell him. In Dean Winchester lingo though, it sounded more like 'Just spill it already'.

It didn't take long for the angel to give in and he finally sighed as he confessed his doubts. "Before Michael tore out my wings," he started, gaining a look from the hunter as if saying that he was surprised but also pissed at the angel that he was once the true vessel for. Castiel even felt the hunters hand tensing a little. "He told me that you didn't trust me anymore. I didn't want to believe him but, after everything I had done─"

"Let me stop you right there Cas." Dean cut him off, raising his hand as if to stop him from going any further. "First of all, he's an asshole." Dean said somewhat forcefully, disgusted at the thought of what Castiel had gone through when Michael had torn out his wings, let alone what else he had probably done. "Second of all, he told me the exact same thing about you. Now I didn't want to believe it either, and even though yeah, we were dealing with a lot crap, that didn't matter to me. I wasn't going to believe him. And you have no reason to either."

Castiel half expected Dean to scold him again, but to his surprise, he didn't even come close to doing so. He only tried to assure him of where he thought they currently stood.

"You pulled me out of Hell. Does that not mean anything to you? Because that means a heck of a lot to me in reference to you. Everything after that, it's just an added bonus."

Before Castiel could even ask what those 'bonuses' were, Dean explained himself and said that he had seen a friendship between the two of them probably the moment since they met. Sure they didn't get along at first, and sure the angel had been an annoying stick in the ass from time to time, but he was still his friend nonetheless and began to trust him before anyone else he had ever encountered in his travels. Maybe it was because he had saved him, maybe it was because he had literally put him back to together and brought him back to his life and family but whatever it was, Dean couldn't help but feel a little respectful, if not appreciative. Cas was his friend, his family now and even if the two of them ended up taking blows at each other as they had almost done it wasn't going to matter. Nothing else was going to change the fact that what the two of them shared was beyond anything Heaven or Hell could throw away and that was a fact. The angel needed to remember that.

Castiel had many questions considering that human emotions still confused him a bit, but at least this he understood for the most part. Dean was an expert at lying through his teeth, but when it came to such things as these he knew that the hunter laid it all out on the line even if it was awkward. Now was one of those moments. Before Castiel could even say anything else he found himself suddenly yawning, the tired feeling from before coming back full force.

He could feel the tea pulling him under again and Dean noticed it the moment he saw his eyes start to droop. Without even asking, he removed the mug from his hands and placed it on the coffee table, maneuvering Cas to just lay back down and go to sleep.

"Angels don't sleep Dean." Cas replied as he slowly plopped himself back on the pillows, still finding his most comfortable position to be his side.

"Yeah, yeah, tell that to someone else." Dean replied jokingly, pulling back the blue blanket from the bottom of the pile and draping it over Castiel. The man looked dead tired and after the event of the past few hours, the guy could use some real rest. Dean didn't even need to count to ten when he found the angel snoring slightly, completely passed out. "Sleep tight." He whispered after placing a careful hand on his shoulder and quietly walking away.

That must have been some strong ass tea Bobby gave him.

The rest of the afternoon was spent with the angel sleeping peacefully and Dean, Sam and Bobby spending their time in the study and dining room. They weren't really doing anything in particular but simply went about their usual routine, searching for hunts, studying up on lore or whatever else seemed to ring its ugly little head at them.

Dean went about looking over his shoulder to stare towards the living room from time to time and Sam and Bobby couldn't help but notice. It was like the hunter was expecting Cas to just zap away any second now.

"You think our lives could get any weirder?" Dean finally asked, whether it was because of the weeks past events or something else they couldn't really tell.

"What do you think? I have an _angel_ sleeping on my couch." Bobby replied flatly as he went back to scouring through his books. "Idgit."

Sam and Dean could only chuckle as they went back to their own work as well, wondering what else the cosmos had in store for their weird little circle. What they didn't know was that Castiel was already fully awake and was simply just laying there, listening to the hunters converse amongst each other. He wondered how he had become a part of this family in the first place but simply let it go and pretended to be sleeping again.

He felt pretty damn happy, if the smile still plastered on his face didn't give that away.

The next morning when Dean woke up and walked downstairs he was not the least bit surprised to find the living room completely empty and the blankets folded neatly in the middle of the couch. Cas had dipped early that morning to do God knows what but Dean didn't question it and went down to the kitchen to start breakfast.

Castiel had popped in for a visit early that afternoon, dressed in his usual tax accountant getup and Dean couldn't help but smile a bit. Not that the jeans and hooded sweatshirts weren't a nice relief from the suit but he had to admit, Cas just didn't look the same without the backwards tie and trench coat. They were as much a trademark to the angel as his wings were.

…

Flying had never felt so light and carefree in all his existence. He had almost forgotten what it felt like, and now that he had his wings again Castiel found himself flying around just to do so, with no destination in particular.

There were still several things that needed to be taken care of in his agenda, but at least they no longer felt like the world's biggest burden to him. After shortly returning to Heaven he found that a lot of things had changed and even though the angels no longer had any leadership under Raphael and learned of Michael's falling, he found that the atmosphere seemed to feel a little lighter. Gabriel had taken over the house for now and even though Castiel half expected him to turn Heaven into his own little personal party, he was surprised to see that he had quite a few leadership qualities of his own as well. Even Balthazar had been resurrected and after a little chat between the two, in which the angel insisted that they share martinis to lighten the mood, (and chardonnay and wine and…what the hell is a cocktail?) they found that they were able to get over their differences and put it all aside as a sign of forgiveness.

Castiel definitely felt like his heart was lighter now, as well as his mind too, but that was probably just the alcohol. Maybe just a little.

If only God could see them now. Castiel still wondered where he was, and if he was watching, what he must have been thinking. Gabriel eventually interrupted that thought as several groups of angels gathered around to hear his latest little 'suggestions' of what changes Heaven could use.

This should be interesting.

"Now who wants a little lesson on the delights of the human delicacy of chocolate? You'll be so hyped up on it you'll be wondering why you didn't fall to Earth sooner."

_Oh boy_.

**Authors End Note:** Sera Gamble and team, I leave it to you from here. *bows out*


	8. Chapter 8

**Authors Note:** Okay, so I know this story is labeled as COMPLETE but this deleted scene has been bombarding me forever and would not leave me alone until I wrote it. So here it is, a deleted/alternate scene that takes place in the weeks of chapter 5. I originally took it out because I decided to take a different approach on it, hence the scene in chapter 6 with Michael and the end of chapter 5 with Cas feeling sick, but I never really got to explain the whole scene where Dean told Cas that whenever he felt bad or sick and such, that he had to tell him. I thought it could stand alone, but apparently my brain disagreed. So, here's the explanation to that line. I hope you like it.

**Written:** 17 June

**Soundtrack:** None

**Word Count:** 3700+

**Chapter 8: Deleted/Alternate Scene**

Dean knew that something was up with Cas, and he figured that it had something to do with the bags growing more and more darker under the former angels eyes that Dean had been noticing for days. Cas wasn't sleeping well, this much he knew for sure. He wasn't sure if it was because the angel just wasn't used to it, although by now he really should have since he spent most of the first couple of weeks doing just that really, or if it was actually something else entirely. Sam was having the same problem, but that's only because he was still being tormented by nightmares of Hell.

It seemed like no one in the house was getting any sleep.

That's when Dean first started to notice it. Cas was looking more tired, worn out, run down. There were times that Dean actually thought that the man might actually keel over, but Cas always kept his stubborn façade up and just brushed it off. Dean knew that something else was up too, but for the life of him couldn't get his friend to talk to him. Cas was irritable, sometimes miserable, but never once did he show it. He hid it, just like he did all his other unchecked feelings and issues, and frankly Dean was getting restless about it. Not just restless, but sick and damn right tired of it. Cas looked completely exhausted, and Dean could only wonder why. Even Sam and Bobby had been noticing, but knew that out of the three of them, Dean was the most likely candidate to actually get any answers out of him. So in old Winchester fashion, they left it to the older hunter to deal with, knowing that they sure as heck would only waste effort in trying.

Dean eventually approached him, asking him if everything was okay. Cas simply replied that everything was fine, but Dean couldn't help but notice the angel trying to hide a yawn at the end of his reply. Too bad the former angel hadn't mastered that talent of 'playing it off' quite yet. With that small sign of proof, it was obvious to Dean now. That and the dark bags, as well as the smalls shakes his body wracked sometimes that he would notice. The man obviously wasn't getting enough sleep for _some_ reason and recognized the symptoms of Cas' problem almost immediately. His body was giving it all away. Sleep deprivation.

Cas wasn't sleeping. _At all_.

Dean knew that for _sure_ now, what he didn't know was why, or if it was even on purpose or unintentional. He tried to talk to him about it, but Cas insisted that he slept just fine and let it stay at that.

Dean wasn't convinced. Not by a _long shot_.

There was obviously something that the former angel wasn't telling him, and the day it finally took the hunter to do something about it was the day his friend finally collapsed.

Castiel suddenly felt incredibly dizzy, more so than the usual, and his legs gave out from under him as pure exhaustion finally took its toll on him both physically and mentally. Dean had heard the man fall, the sound reaching his ears from where he was upstairs, and immediately ran downstairs to find Cas in the study trying to pick himself up on unsteady legs.

It was crystal clear to Dean now. Cas needed to take at least a 12 hour nap, like _last week_.

"Why the hell do I even bother to say these things?"

Dean approached Cas to help him up, his expression showing the angel that he was more than just a little irritated for not listening to him. Castiel of course ignored it and tried to hide his problems behind his own façade, though his looked more sheepish and vulnerable than anything else. Dean helped steady him, the former angel using the front of Bobby's desk to help support his weight and balance until he was finally able to brace himself up on his own with what little strength he had.

Again, he tried to brush off to the hunter that he was fine, but in Dean's 'oh so fancy' way of putting it, _the angel was full of crap_.

Dean was going to get him to sleep, whether he liked it or not. Cas may have once had his tap to the forehead trick when it came to rendering someone unconscious, but Dean had his own tricks on how to do it. Cas noticed the small smirk on Dean's face, and before he could ask what it was about he felt the hunters hand on his shoulder and heard him softly apologizing for what he was about to do.

"This is for your own good man."

The next thing he felt was Dean's hand squeezing, and within just a second or two, the room fell into darkness as his eyes fell into the back of his head. Castiel didn't even feel himself fall a second time, as Dean quickly caught him and carefully hoisted him over his shoulder.

He couldn't help but notice at that particular moment that Cas felt a little lighter, and little was putting it nicely.

Just great, he thought. Not sleeping _or_ eating. Just another issue they would have to discuss and another concern to add on his list along with everything else. It just never got any easier.

Dean didn't very much like this approach, but if carrying the guy to bed and forcing him to sleep by rendering him unconscious was the only way to go, then Dean would gladly do just that. It was obvious that the man needed to sleep, but the reason as to why he wasn't still wasn't apparent to him, and Cas obviously wasn't talking. Not now anyway. He figured he could leave that mystery for another day as he carefully headed upstairs and plopped Cas onto the guest rooms bed, which had now become his bedroom, quickly draping the covers over him. (The living room couch would have been much easier, no stairs for one, but that piece of furniture had quickly been covered in more of Bobby's literature collection lately. Just another unforeseen inconvenience for the time being thought Dean.) After making sure that he was comfortable and undisturbed, Dean left him be to sleep and headed downstairs.

Never would he have suspected what was about to happen.

* * *

><p>By the time Sam came back from running errands in town, Cas had already been sleeping for at least a couple of hours and Dean had remained at Bobby's desk pouring over research on a quick hunt the older man was dealing with in a small neighborhood one state over. He insisted on taking it when he got the call, claiming that he really needed to get out of the house for a little while. Dean of course agreed, knowing that their current troubles of a mentally tortured Sam and a disconnected angel and their issues, was enough to drive anybody nuts. This obviously left Dean to deal with both, but he could really care less at this point in the game. He had obviously dealt with worse, and accepted the responsibility of playing both therapist and mentor to his brother <em>and<em> his friend.

As Sam came into the study and unloaded the bags of supplies on the table in the kitchen, he was surprised to see Dean alone and immediately asked where Cas was since the two of them were usually attached to the hip in most instances. Dean simply claimed that he was upstairs sleeping, and Sam couldn't help but feel a little surprised considering he knew of the former angels insomnia. Unlike Dean, Sam had a suspicion of what had truly been bothering Castiel, and offered to go check on him just in case.

Dean didn't even bother to ask what for, and went back to checking on the information Bobby had requested. It wasn't even two minutes later that Sam came rushing down the stairs and quickly headed for the kitchen, obviously in a panic about something. Dean shot his head up and dropped the book he had been searching through, immediately asking Sam what was wrong. He noticed the younger hunter grabbing a washcloth and rinsing it under the tap, and Dean quickly put together what he thought might be happening. He immediately got up from the desk and rushed over to him for an explanation, this time Sam speaking before he could even ask for sure and claiming that Cas was upstairs burning up with a fever.

No good deed ever goes unpunished, was Dean's first thought. _Damn it._

Sam was almost ready to bitch him out for not checking up on him earlier, but chose to hold his tongue since he knew that Dean wasn't aware of what else was going on. Dean hadn't been noticing like he had, simply because he was the one who had been looking for it and not the other way around. Sam had suspected it, but after going into the angels room and seeing for himself, now he knew for sure. The angel was suffering through the same horrors that plagued _him_ almost every night, but had obviously been hiding it a lot better than Sam could (for the most part).

Dean immediately flew past him and ran upstairs, quickly heading over to Cas' room where he found the former angel not only delirious from his insane temperature, but trapped in what looked to be an ugly nightmare, the man's ramblings coming out rapid and incoherent. His body was covered in a bright sheen of sweat and was also trembling, his teeth chattering as if he were cold, but body burning as if he was boiling in his own skin.

Dean had never seen it this bad before, and quickly placed his left hand over the angels forehead, while the other felt the pulse point in his neck. To no surprise he found the angels heartbeat pounding and racing, and knew that in his already weakened state (both by the lack of rest and still recovering from his stab wound), that the man would not be able to fight whatever the heck this was, off. Sam quickly went around to the other side of the bed and placed the washcloth over Cas' forehead, having to use both hands to keep it in place when the angel tried to pull away.

Castiel was so engrossed in his nightmare that Dean actually found himself having to keep the former angel pinned down, the man fighting so desperately to free himself from whatever was plaguing his dreams. Unfortunately for them, he also thought that part of that nightmare were the two men holding him down, which only caused him to fight harder. He couldn't bear anyone touching him, the evils and sins of all the souls he had possessed literally tearing his mentality to shreds.

As much as Dean hated to, he knew that he had no choice but to wake him up, knowing that Cas' heart would not last much longer if the nightmare got bad enough to actually scare him to death.

That was the last thing they needed.

Even though the angel obviously required rest, this was also obviously not the way to get it, so Dean immediately started shouting his name, both in an attempt to calm him down as well as to wake him up. Cas was so absorbed in his terror however that Dean was not even reaching him, and the hunter started to wonder if he maybe needed to force him awake. Cas' ramblings were starting to become shouts of their own, his sayings unbeknownst to either brother since they were not even coming out in English but clearly frightening from the tone each word possessed.

"Come on Cas." Dean nearly pleaded. "Wake the Hell up!"

Castiel made no indication of hearing him, his body now shaking almost violently from the combination of fever and mental torment. Dean tried again, shouting louder this time and saw that he was making some form of progress when the angel stopped thrashing for just a second. However when he went back to fighting, his efforts in getting Sam and Dean away from him almost impossibly doubled.

_Sonofabitch_. "Come on buddy, you gotta wake up." Dean repeated, his hand now on the angels left cheek as he lightly tapped it, trying desperately to get the man to wake and the nightmares to let go. "Come on Cas!"

Sam remained where he was, unsure of what else to do and still trying to hold the washcloth over the angels burning skin while also trying to keep his head still and keep him from thrashing even more.

Instead of attempting to help Cas awaken, he bizarrely found himself silently praying.

He couldn't help but wonder, if this was how Cas' nightmares could get by possessing a few million souls, how bad would his nightmares get in the long run if he couldn't keep them in check? Knowing that if whatever torment Castiel was going through was this horrible, that his full memories of Hell would more than likely destroy him as well.

It was a thought he really didn't want to consider tempting fate at.

After just a few more minutes, and a lot of what seemed to be too close a call, Dean was finally able to pull Castiel out of his torment and the former angel woke up screaming, eyes wide open and upper body flying straight up, his fist clenching over his aching chest. Dean immediately caught him, bracing his arms around his back and shoulders and attempting to calm Cas' violently shaking body. Dean urged him to relax, the angel snaking his free arm tightly around the hunter as he tried to focus on catching his breath and steadying it as he slowly came back to reality.

How he prayed that the man before him was real and not just another cruel fabrication in his head.

Dean continued shushing him, helping Cas to calm down and relax as he tried getting his breathing to suppress the ache still building in his lungs. Sam slowly and hesitantly made his way over and started to rub soothing circles on his upper back right between his shoulder blades, his body tense beneath his hand. His other hand lay on the angels left shoulder, as if silently trying to assure him that everything would be okay now, the angels arms still wrapped around Dean like a vice grip.

Sam knew what he was going through. Essentially because he was going through the same thing himself, and decided that he would need to talk to the former angel later and let him know that it was okay to be afraid to tell someone about what plagued him. He was in that same boat, and figured that if anyone could help him now it would be him and Dean. The two of them had both literally been to Hell and back, all thanks to him, and if they could get through that then there was no reason to leave the former angel trapped in his own personal Hell to deal with it on his own.

He had already done so much for them. It was only fair that they pay the favor in return.

Castiel still refused to let go of the older hunter, the memories of the nightmare beginning to subside but still too fresh in his mind to simply turn away. Cas' head remained on Dean's right shoulder, his breathing still coming in heavy and erratic as he continued trying to calm down.

It was now that Dean finally understood why Castiel wasn't sleeping. He was trying so desperately to avoid the nightmares that the hunter never knew the former angel was having, more than likely saying nothing because he felt that Sam's nightmares took more precedence. _Self sacrificing bastard_.

Dean seriously needed to have a talk with him about salvaging his own mentality when comparing it to someone else's, and reminded himself to also kick his former feathery ass. The guy could have seriously just killed himself by keeping secrets from him, _again_.

He also considered kicking his own ass for not paying attention sooner.

Castiel eventually calmed down, his body feeling heavy as his arms fall slack, his right hand slowly making its way to the scarred handprint on Deans left shoulder. It doesn't move away as Castiel slowly lets his half lidded eyes fall closed, quickly falling asleep from the disappearing adrenaline rush and utter exhaustion. He remained right where he was; wrapped in Dean's arms as the trembling still plaguing his body started to subside. No way was he ready to let go of the only thing keeping him together at the moment, not yet.

Sam looks over to Dean, who looks back at him, and knows what the older hunter is thinking.

Dean, knowing that the nightmares will more than likely return refuses to move, leaving his friend to simply lay there in his embrace. As awkward as it was, it was what he had done for Sam as a kid whenever he had a nightmare. He figured that this was no different, considering he saw Cas as a brother too.

Sam leaves him there after a few minutes, heading back downstairs to leave them be.

Dean stays that way for almost an hour, his muscles stiff and knotting but not daring to move as Cas' breathing finally steadies and evens out in synch with his own, his body now completely calm and relaxed. His fever had even dissipated, Dean slowly removing the now dry washcloth from the back of Cas' neck and placing it on the nightstand beside him. He knew that it was more than likely caused by the nightmare, and knowing what such ailments could do, knew that it had more than likely left the former angel incredibly weakened but was otherwise okay for now.

Dean eventually removes his arms from around him and gently places Cas back down on the pillows to rest.

He knows that the man needs a good night's sleep, especially after everything they had gone through in the past few weeks, and covers him up to his neck in the blanket. He stares down at his now only slightly pale face, his breathing coming out in shallow and steady wisps and his expression the epitome of tranquility.

It was just what the hunter wanted to see.

After watching over him for just a few more minutes, Dean hesitantly peels away and leaves him to his hopefully peaceful slumber.

* * *

><p>Cas does not even wake until the next day, sleeping for almost 18 hours without disruption. Dean checks up on from time to time, so does Sam, just to be safe and sure that he is not experiencing another nightmare, and finds Cas sleeping peacefully either on his side or on his stomach. Dean even finds himself needing to rearrange the blankets a couple times, and can't help but grin at how much Cas looks like a kid when he sleeps.<p>

"Big baby." He joked, again covering the angel up and adding another blanket over him since he could feel the temperature dropping a little outside, the sun already starting to set. The last thing he needs is Cas catching a cold, now that he's actually capable of doing so.

When Castiel finally did wake up he found himself feeling a lot better than he had in weeks, although he was a little hungry (more like a lot), and Dean was surprised to find him heading downstairs to talk to Sam first. It didn't last for long, but his brother and the angel seemed to be discussing quietly what had happened and what looked like to be coming to terms with some form of agreement. Whatever the hell it was, Dean didn't think to pry, and left his brother and angel to sort out their troubles as well as their ideas. He more than likely knew what the two were talking about and simply decided to let it be.

This family was like a web. When one couldn't deal with something, then they always had someone to fall back on and now Cas had become a part of that, in every sense of the word.

Castiel chose to talk to Dean next, thanking him for what he did and Dean assured him that it was nothing. _Just never mention it_. Castiel half expected him to scold him for not saying something earlier, but was surprised to find the hunter not even turning to look at it.

Dean did however tell him that the next time he felt bad or something was bothering him, to tell him, no matter what it was. He didn't need to repeat himself in telling him that he wasn't alone, and that whatever problems they had they could face better when they were working together to fix it. It was a fact that really didn't need to be said over and over again.

Cas eventually agreed, and found his trust in both hunters so much easier now that he felt he could actually tell them about _everything_, without worrying about taking any attention off of their own problems. Similar occurrences continued to happen from night to night, and Castiel found both brothers there to help him each and every time. He in return did the same for Sam when things got to be too much for him, and both men helped him through it as well.

After that one particular incident, Castiel found it easier to talk to them about how he saw things and how he felt, and how much he loathed allowing himself to be so easily swayed and naïve into taking in all those souls. Sam and Dean attentively listened, only telling him that it was over and something that he shouldn't even be bothering himself with. Everything was a done deal and was a situation that he just had to let go of, and a wall he himself had to break if he was to free himself from his guilt.

It would take a few weeks, but the nightmares never did return after that.

**THE END**

**Authors End Note:** I know, I know, I love to torture Cas. It's not my fault that my mind is heinous sometimes. Feedback is appreciated as always. Oh, and anonymous reviews have now been established as well for those who do not have an account here, so I can hear from all of you too. Now onto focusing on the real task at hand, the sequel to 'When Our Prayers Go Unanswered' as well as another project called 'Even Angels Can Bleed' which I am co-writing with another author here. Look out to see both 'Sacrifice Thyself to the Lamb, So That Others May Rise' as well as 'Even Angels Can Bleed' to come out soon. I certainly hope you will enjoy them as much as I love writing them, although 'Even Angels May Bleed' may have an M rating for those who cannot read such material, since it will involve a demon Bella with a vengeful Anna and a lot of torture against Dean and Castiel. Just a warning. Until later. 8)


	9. Chapter 9

**Authors Note:** Here we go again. Just when I thought I wouldn't add anything else to this story this scene just pops into my head out of nowhere while trying to relieve my writers block from my first verse and dare I say it, my slash verse. Ugh. My brain is just running in too many directions at once.

Now a warning, I don't know how the hell I came up with this, but this chapter scared the holy Hell outta me when it came out after I dreamt it (been having a lot of weird Supernatural death dreams lately 8/), and I'm someone who never remembers dreams. But this one was just too damn vivid to forget. It's virtually just one of Cas' nightmares after angels take him to teach him a lesson, and a pretty dark one at that. You'll see what I'm talking about as you read. It's nothing but pure angst and I apologize if it may be a little disturbing for some of you. It was definitely that way for me, that I hesitated to even post it. You've been warned.

Also on a side note, if you've already read chapter 8 then I recommend you read it again only because it was heavily tweaked to emphasize more emotion and whatnots and ended up becoming another 400 words or so. Here is where I would tell you to enjoy but, I really don't know about that here. 8/ Also, I guess I can attribute some of the panic here in the knowledge that I've learned in recent S7 spoilers. Death will be making an appearance this season (more than likely old news by now). First thought in my head was of course: "Death will reap God (or in this case, more than likely Cas)." Needless to say, I'm very much panicking and strangely enough, induced a freakin' migraine on myself in the process. Not good. That, and I re-watched the S6 finale. Stupid move on my part.

**Written:** 12 July

**Soundtrack:** Give Me a Sign by Breaking Benjamin (thanks to Capitano for introducing me to this song, really one of my favorite bands)

**Word Count:** 4600+

**Chapter 9: Deleted Scene**

Dean tried replaying it all in his head, every last detail to what the Hell had happened.

It had been days now, almost a week, and he found himself still in that very same spot. Standing in Bobby's living room where his former angel had last stood, until he suddenly disappeared. But it wasn't that Cas had zapped away. Oh how Dean _wished_ it had been that. No. It was _angels_. Always freakin' angels. They had just popped out of nowhere, disrupting a simple conversation between the hunters and Cas before snatching him by the shoulders and dragging him away to God knows where. There wasn't even enough time to process what the heck had just happened. The only thing Dean caught was the fear in Cas' eyes, and the rage coming from theirs. The sneers on their faces didn't exactly help either, and Cas was gone before a word of protest could even be said.

Now here stood Dean, still pacing around the room on creaking floorboards, wondering what could possibly be happening to his friend right now. His thumb and forefinger pulled at his bottom lip as he tried to drown out every evil image from his head. He had had nightmares, scenes of Cas being tortured, and his brothers merely mocking him that he was simply receiving his just punishment. Dean couldn't take it. What was he going through? What was he feeling? Dean knew he was scared the moment he saw them. That was his only clue. But the look they had, that look of pure triumph, of pure, menacing, scornful cynicism; it only reminded Dean of the look he used to hold when he tortured souls in Hell.

This thought _terrified_ him, almost to the verge of wanting to cry or scream, or maybe even both. He had broken in Hell. He only prayed that Cas didn't do the same, whatever happened.

He, Sam and Bobby had tried finding every which way to get some sort of method to trace them and Cas, hopefully to help him before anything could be done. So much time had passed however, and Dean couldn't help but feel it in his gut that this was never a good sign. It told him so much more than he wanted to hear. So he did the only thing he could do. He waited. He waited for a sound. A voice. Anything really that told him that everything would be okay and that there truly was nothing to fear. Dean found himself even turning to God for some sort of answer, just as Cas had did before he devoured all those souls, before he opened the gates of Purgatory, but like him, he received no form of answer.

Dean just wanted something, something to hold onto while he waited. Anything. So he did something he never thought he would, something that Sam and Bobby weren't even aware of. He prayed. To who, he wasn't entirely sure. At this point, he didn't even much care. All he wanted was for Cas to be returned, safely.

By the seventh day Dean had pretty much met the end of his rope. Sam and Bobby had found nothing. They had even called Gabriel, but the archangel didn't seem to hear their prayers. Whatever reason for, he just wasn't listening, and Sam had to assure Dean that it wasn't on purpose. The archangel may have been a dick to them in the beginning when they first crossed paths, but when it came to Cas he never hesitated. Never turned away from them. It was just sibling instinct, and the better half of it thankfully. But even now, he was nowhere to be found either. This tortured the hunter just as much as his still missing friend.

By noon the next day Dean was at the point of wanting to break something, but just as he was about to stop his pacing he heard a familiar sound just feet behind him, and quickly turned around expecting the archangel.

What he saw before him was _so_ much worse.

It was Cas, but not as he remembered him. Dean could see it through his once bright blue eyes, which now looked empty and hollow through half opened lids.

He was being supported by each limp arm by two of his brothers, both with the same stupid grins on their faces as if to say that they had just come from having a little fun with their brother. They quickly let him go, allowing Cas' knees to give way from under him as Dean quickly rushed over to catch him before he fell face first into the floor.

"Cas!" Dean called out to him as he wrapped one arm around his back and the other around his trembling shoulders, hoping to God that the former angel wasn't too far mentally gone from whatever ordeal he had just come from.

Oh how he hoped. Prayed.

There was blood trailing from Cas' nose and the left side of his face, staining his all too pale skin in a bright stain of crimson. Dean found his fear quickly turning to rage as the man whimpered under his touch, the pain from his recent tribulation no longer able to keep itself from being voiced.

"What the Hell did you do to him?"

Dean half expected his voice to come out almost sad and broken, but to his surprise found it coming out as more of a growl than anything else. Cas looked terrible, and Dean hadn't even seen the full extent of his injuries yet.

The grins they kept plastered on their faces only angered him more.

"We taught him a _lesson_, he'll be sure to never forget."

The stupid smirk remained on his pathetic excuse for a face, his words immediately clicking into the hunters brain and bringing back memories that he never thought he'd cross again.

"_I've learned my lesson Dean."_

Dean didn't even know how to respond to that question, as both angels dug their hands deep into their pockets and quickly flew away, leaving Dean to deal with the mess they hoped would leave a scar. And not just those that were inflicted on Castiel.

Dean looked down at his friend, eyes still only half opened and breaths coming out shallow and wispy as if trying to hold back pain.

It was a look that Dean found himself quickly despising, above so much else at the moment. The only thing he could think of to do right now; just help him, whatever it was. Just help.

"It's okay Cas. Everything's gonna be okay." Dean tried to assure him (and maybe even himself) as he carefully tried to flip the man over onto his back and help him up. The moment he pressed down on his back however, the angel gave out a yelp of pain and squeezed his eyes tight as tears shed down his lids. His nails dug into the floorboards, leaving faint marks in the wood as Dean tried to keep his head propped up on his lap where he had fallen.

It was at that moment that he had felt the warm dampness slowly seeping at his finger tips.

Cas shuddered as Dean carefully trailed his hand down the back of the navy blue sweater that the angel was wearing, tiny specks of blood coming to the surface as he reached the hem of the fabric and carefully pulled it up to about half way.

What he sees almost has him traumatized, as the fresh slashes of both thin, thick, and even already healed cuts are revealed to him, causing Dean to feel almost sick to his stomach.

And he hadn't even seen the worst of it yet.

"_Cas. What happened to you?"_

* * *

><p>After calling out to Sam and Bobby for help, Dean had carefully maneuvered a barely conscious Cas onto the couch, being very mindful of his back as they lay him down on his stomach. Cas had still refused to make another sound, as if afraid that he will be punished for it, and Dean tried to coax him that it was alright, that the former angel was safe now. Cas refused to listen however, closing his eyes as he tried desperately to ignore the pain going through every nerve in his now too delicate body.<p>

Dean really didn't want to, but Cas was human now, and the hunter knew that whatever it was he was bound to see couldn't be left alone and untreated. He urged Castiel to relax, gingerly pulling the angel out of his sweater as the pain it brought caused beads of sweat to form on his brow, revealing the blood soaked t-shirt from underneath. Even through the dark fabric, all three men could see that the amount of blood sticking to him was staggering. Dean bit down on his lip as he carefully brushed both hands underneath the man's shirt, carefully pulling it up and away to reveal the true extent of what they had done to him.

Dean quickly placed his fist over his mouth, more than likely to keep himself from screaming, as he took in every scar, cut and gash that now decorated the angels back, barely a trace of skin being left untouched.

Dean remained where he was, sitting down on the coffee table, unsure of whether to cry or hurl at the moment. The scene was just so dramatic and mentally scarring, he couldn't bear to look at it. He had seen plenty of gruesome scenes in his life…but this _had_ to be the worst.

Sam's own hand found its way clapped over his mouth, while Bobby bit down on his lip, the images of what may have happened almost too heinous to even think about. Through all the crusted and still seeping blood, the most obvious injuries are the two that every hunters sees. Past the words, and the gashes, and even every wicked slash, were the two most deep and calculated cuts reaching from the man's shoulder blades to his belt line, obviously indicating where his wings once used to be. Words like "traitor" and "blasphemy" and even "new Lucifer" are clearly carved in, one over the other and over the other. Words can't really begin to describe it. The only thought ringing through every one of their heads, is how Castiel was even able to survive it.

Dean is immediately reminded of what he did in Hell.

It only serves to enrage him. And take pity.

…

After carefully explaining to Castiel what they would have to do, Sam and Dean carefully removed the rest of the fabric covering the angel from the waist up and started the process of stitching. And Cas needed _a lot_. Dean started on the two deepest ones, the gashes starting at his shoulder blades becoming top priority when they refused to stop seeping blood.

Castiel continued slipping in and out of consciousness, the pain from Dean's ministrations causing him to squeeze tightly on the edge of the cushions, his face turned away from them and contorted in teeth gritting pain.

He still refused to make a sound, not even a whisper as his breaths continue coming out harsh, slow and heavy, the pain quickly building as Dean continued stitching. They had offered the angel pills to help, but they didn't seem to do much than simply take the edge off. In reality, nothing could help him at this point. It wasn't the physical pain from the ordeal or the blood loss that had him half scared out of his mind right now. It was something so much deeper than that.

Sam and Bobby tried to help, but Cas couldn't stand more than one person touching him at the moment, the mental torment clear to all three men behind him.

_What in the world did they _do_ to him?_

Cas still refused to meet their gaze, his concentration solely on blocking the pain and drawing in on Dean's attempts at trying to physically erase what had happened. Dean had a feeling though, that even when the scars finally healed, there was no way to take them out of his mind. They were already burned deep within his brain, and he doubted that he would ever be able to take them out.

With how monstrous this act was, there wasn't a chance he'd forget.

_Fucking angels_.

The hunter tried cleaning away as much as the blood as he could, slowly passing a warm soaked washcloth through ever section of shredded skin and exposed muscle, ever careful not to cause his friend any more pain than was avoidable. When one was too soaked to use anymore, Sam replaced it with a fresh one and Bobby came back from the kitchen with a clean bowl of water.

Dean half expected the injuries to start healing themselves like they once did when Cas still had wings, but the thought was a foolish one he knew, the man now laying in front of him no longer able to.

Dean remained being as careful as possible, Sam still handing him everything he needed as he worked. Sam got him everything from the peroxide to the thread, and even the ointment and bandages to cover up the remainder of the mess. By this point Cas had fallen asleep, Bobby helping out a little by nearly forcing him to down half a bottle of his best whiskey and putting the angel out of his misery. Not that Cas didn't appreciate the gesture, but after everything that had happened to him in the past few days, he still couldn't help but feel if not a little scared at anymore than one person approaching him and crowding his personal space.

In a sense, he understood why Dean hated it so much. It was like being vulnerable to anything and everyone near you, and it only served to scare him even more. As an angel, he found himself able to believe that there was good in everyone, even those with evil intentions.

As a man…he found that he _couldn't_.

Dean finishes soon enough, just as Cas finds himself in a very deep sleep, passing an arm through his sweat soaked forehead and looking down at his hands, each finger and palm covered in quickly drying blood. The hunter is just happy enough that it's over, and after cleaning himself up in the kitchen and leaving Sam to stay watching over him, is finally able to put himself to rest.

As Sam and Bobby went about warding the house from angels as they once did for Castiel before that whole deal with the souls and Purgatory, Dean remained where he was, sitting in an armchair across from the couch and watching over his friend. Even with the dark quilt that now covered most of his still trembling body, Dean could still picture all the lacerations that hid underneath. Even under all the bandages, the fresh t-shirt, and the sheet that was draped over him under the blanket, Dean still saw them clear as day.

His back just shivered at the thought that came playing next.

All he found that was missing was the blade in his hand, and a proud Alistair staring back at him.

"_Congratulations Dean. You've finally found your calling."_

* * *

><p>Castiel didn't know what to think or how to feel. He felt safe under the watchful eye of his former charge nearby, but he still felt like he had to (in some small form) keep a certain distance from the man. The last several days had proven that, no matter how much you think you can trust those you deemed family, literally were family, their true intentions were always revealed eventually to you. In this case, his brothers found it justified, and even entertaining as they studied the limits of his newly claimed body, carving at the flesh and bone that now held him grounded on this plain.<p>

He remembered screaming at the top of his lungs, his voice higher than he ever thought he'd made as an angel, as their blades drove through his skin and carved away at his back, drawing out blood. No matter how much he begged for them to show mercy, they simply ignored his pleas and dove in deeper, just to hear his human voice break out once more.

They taunted him, claiming that it was the most beautiful thing they had ever heard, and Castiel found himself weeping at their cruel words, blood continuing to trail down his body. After days, time that seemed more like weeks, Castiel found that he had had enough of everything and finally broke at their actions. They continued on, healing his wounds only to carve them back in, and adding words of insult to his injuries.

In their eyes, Castiel was now a pure work of art, in every physical and mental way possible.

Throughout it all, Castiel tried holding onto the one thing that made him feel any sense of hope, no matter how much his brethren tried to damage it. The one thing he knew against all odds, would never make him truly break. That was his new family. Three men that would never turn their backs on him, no matter what the actions. What he had received from them in the most recent months, forgiveness, was proof enough for him.

All that mattered, was that he still had Sam, Dean and Bobby.

Behind everything else, he still had them to turn to.

Above everything else, he still had them.

* * *

><p>Under the watchful eye of his former charge, Castiel found himself able to release the chains that held his fear in place and finally allowed himself to slip back in the darkness. Weeks of torment had left him physically, emotionally, and mentally fatigued, and after a little reassurance from the hunters, Castiel found himself being coaxed into eating something light before he was allowed to fall back asleep.<p>

What was days to the hunters, were weeks for him, much like how time in Hell passed and Castiel was somewhat marveled at how long he lasted; how his human body survived without any nourishment for so long. He couldn't help but wonder if his brothers played some part in that role, wanting to keep Castiel alive along enough to keep hearing his screams. The former angel only lasted so long, his voice quickly giving out on him as he gave every effort to get them to stop.

Castiel tried desperately to keep the memories at bay, and concentrated only on the here and now, safe under the watchful eye of Dean and his family.

The former angel looked so incredibly fragile to the hunter, Dean quickly noting the moment he laid eyes on him again that he was so much thinner than the last time he saw him, telling him everything he needed to know. There was no way that seven days could do that to the angel. Not by a long shot. This was much longer, much like his time in Hell; four months becoming forty years. He wondered how Cas could last so long, knowing that if a man like him could break, and he wasn't easy to do so, then how could someone like him last so long an onslaught by his own family. That enough should have made the experience all that much worse.

Dean tried not to think about it, as he simply remained sitting where he had been for hours, watching over Castiel. Sam and Bobby had finished warding off the house, making quick work in ensuring that no _dick with wings_ could come anywhere near them or their friend. Castiel needed to feel safe, be safe, and if that meant leveling half the house then so be it. The important thing was making sure that this would never happen again.

…

Castiel found himself dreaming, much like he always did now that he was human.

Every one was different. Whether it was Heaven, or nightmares from the souls, and even of things unrecognized, he always found them interesting, comforting, or downright unwanted.

Unfortunately, _this_ was one of those times.

He found himself standing in the middle of Bobby's home, the old man's study right in front of him and the living room behind; the house looking just about the same as it always did. He was dressed in his signature clothing of dark suit and trench coat, looking every bit the angel he once was.

He could hear whispering in the background, soft sounds of humming coming from the kitchen, and above it all, the small innocent laugh of a child. The next voice he heard was one he could never not recognize, the voice of his hunter and that of a woman talking back to him. Castiel slowly made his way around and into the study, noting the prepared dining room table now in the center and the five seats that accompanied the soon to be occupied furniture.

He turns his head toward the kitchen, seeing a blonde haired woman preparing a meal over the stove while Dean stood beside her, a younger girl held in his arms.

Bright green eyes stare back towards him, orbs of joy flaring as a huge smile plays across her face at the sight of the angel.

"Uncle Cassie!"

Deans turns around, the woman does as well, as the young girl quickly squirms out of his arms and runs over to him, wrapping her arms around the angels legs and looking up at him.

"How ya doing Cas?" Dean calls out to him as he smiles down at his daughters infatuation with the man.

Castiel simply looked down at the little girl, her eyes as bright as that of her fathers and her soul ever more so like his own. Castiel immediately recognized her as the hunters child, the creation of life between him and his now wife evident in his eyes. She couldn't be more than four or five years old, clinging onto the angel as if he was her best friend and most loyal companion.

"Why hello Castiel. Did you care to join us for dinner?"

The young woman beside Dean smiled as she invited the angel to join them, her bright brown eyes staring back at him in a caring and delicate manner.

"Of course he will Mommy," the little girl answered for him, causing the angel to take his eyes off her mother and then down back at her, the child still clinging onto him. "Won't you uncle Cassie?"

Castiel didn't know what to say, Dean only laughing as he recognized that same confused look on his angel that he had seen for years.

Castiel could literally feel the happiness radiating from his charge, the man turning his attention back to his wife as she was finishing preparing their meal. Castiel continued to stare down at the little blonde haired girl, her eyes still staring up at him with such pure innocence as he slowly bent down to pick her up. She quickly took a likely to him, wrapping her arms around his neck as she smiled at him, telling him everything about her day and what she had done and what she had learned, talking to him as if knowing that he would listen to her entire story without so much as a hitch.

Castiel didn't know what to feel at that moment. He felt happy, seeing that his hunter was now married with a wonderful woman and a beautiful daughter, the child currently in his arms smiling at him, and he couldn't help but give a smile in return.

It seemed that Dean had found his happiness.

"I love you Uncle Cassie."

It felt strange, a child referring to him in such a manner, a feeling of completeness radiating from his very chest. It was strange to see. Never had he imagined himself being an uncle to a child he barely knew, but apparently knew everything about him. It just felt so, complete.

"Why would you hurt us?"

Castiel's brow furrowed, looking back at the girl still perched on his hip as she stared down at him blankly, her voice now deadpan and just as emotionless.

"What?"

"Why would you hurt us Uncle Cassie? We loved you. Didn't you love us?"

Castiel isn't sure what to say as he starts to feel something wet trailing down his hands, the bright crimson quickly covering the floor beneath him as the young girl continues to stare down at him with an empty look. He looks down at his right hand, quickly seeing the blood covering it and then stares back at her, a look of fright quickly replacing his look of joy.

He doesn't understand this feeling, but it feels so much like fear.

The scene then changes, the once pristine house now looking disheveled and heavily damaged, the smell of death evident throughout the home. Castiel looks down at himself, fresh and drying blood coating the front of his suit and coat and continuing to wash down his hands. He can smell the metallic aroma it gives off, panic quickly gripping at him as he recognizes its source almost immediately.

He looks again down at his hands, the blood covering them wet and sticky against his palms. Across the room is the small child, lying in a pool of her own blood, blank wide eyes staring out at nothing. Her mother is just feet away from her, her own blood pooling under her body as she remains facedown and lifeless on the floor.

Castiel doesn't even need to question it; he can feel it. The evil in his hurt, the joy of what he's done, the happiness in knowing that he has taken it all away from Dean, just as he feels he deserves for refusing to acknowledge him as his new God.

It's all too much for him to bear.

What he hears next only makes it worse.

"Why?"

Castiel looks up to find the broken words coming from Dean, the hunter slowly lifting his deceased daughter within his arms and holding her towards his chest, quickly covering the front of his shirt in her blood.

"Why did you do it Cas?"

Deep down, Castiel knew the answer. Even though he refused to voice it, refused to acknowledge it as the truth, deep down he knew what his dark self wanted to say.

"It did it to spite you. To teach you a lesson Dean. To prove to you that I can be a merciful God, but only if you bow down and profess your love. I ask for only that in return, and you refused."

Castiel's words are cold and harsh, a small smile tugging at his lips as he slowly lifts his hand and presses his thumb and middle fingers together. Dean only stares back at him, his breathing surprisingly steady and even as his eyes fill with tears. For what other reason they could be, Castiel cannot really be sure.

"I am a merciful God Dean. You can join them now, in death."

Dean quickly lowers his head in defeat, squeezing onto his daughter tightly as he prepares for what he knows is coming next. Surprisingly, he is calm.

"Goodbye Dean."

Castiel snaps his fingers, the room suddenly slowing down as the body of the former hunter explodes in a mess of flesh and blood, the bodies of his wife and daughter soon joining him to stain the floor and walls in a flash of red.

Castiel simply remains standing there, an almost sad look on his face as he takes in the final words the hunter whispered to him, before he ended it all and took it all away.

"I forgive you Cas."

…

Castiel wakes up, screaming in torment.

**To Be Continued...**

**Authors End Note:** Don't ask me. I really don't know. 8/ Please review.


	10. Chapter 10

**Authors Note:** You know I may just have to remove the COMPLETE status from this story if this keeps up. Screw it, I am. Many of you have expressed a continuation of this piece and I am of course happy to oblige. No matter how many times I try to keep this story as is, these random in between one shots always seem to pop up in my head. So, of course, I have no choice but to continue since my brain refuses to leave me alone until they are written. Again, thank you to everyone who has stuck around and as always, please review. At least this time I am feeling a little more eccentric now that news from Comic Con has left me a little more relieved about the future of SPN and my favorite Winchester angel. Yay! (On some notes of course, but not on others unfortunately from the latest interviews, ugh…) That, and I finally broke down a personal wall of my own. A dear friend of mine here already knows what I'm talking about so I of course am incredibly grateful for that. You know who you are. 8)

Now here comes the warning. I wasn't even angsty when I wrote this chapter (believe it or not), but it's probably the darkest piece I've ever written. I don't really know what happened, but when I started rereading the last chapter, thought about the torture of the dream, and then the torture Cas' brothers inflicted on him I immediately thought: how can someone handle so much like it was nothing? Needless to say, my first thought was that they can't. Hence, the direction this chapter went. You'll see as you read but I am giving you a warning. This chapter is not for the easily squeamish and for those who are sensitive to the topic of suicide or attempted suicide. If you are, I suggest you do not continue and pass this chapter up until I post the next one (which is thankfully a lot more humorous and lighthearted, I hope). This is your warning. I am apologizing to everyone in advance.

**Written:** 26 July

**Warning: **Mentions of attempted suicide

**Soundtrack:** Hero by Skillet, Awake and Alive by Skillet (Again, a thanks to Capitano for introducing me to these songs and getting me to dig this chapter out of my head because of it. She is a certifiable freakin' GENIUS!)

**Word Count:** 6600+

**Chapter 10: Chapter 9 One Shot Part 2**

If Dean could recall the most terrifying sound he had ever heard, the one that had passed through his ears at that moment had beat it by a mile.

…

Dean had found himself falling into a light doze, watching Cas finally gain some small form of relief after his latest run in with his brothers and finally getting some rest, which he desperately needed. Dean found himself just about to fall into the same safe form of mind, until the sound of someone's blood curdling screams completely destroyed that idea.

He immediately shot up, eyes quickly searching around for the source and finding that it was none other than the former angel currently in front of him.

Dean panicked, quickly running over to wake him up, but was surprised to find the wide eyed man frantically lifting himself up from off of the couch and pushing Dean away with such brute force that it caused him to topple onto his back and hit the floor. Before he could even process what the hell had just happened, and where the heck Cas had gotten his sudden surge of adrenaline, he looked up to see that the former angel was gone. His eyes dashed around the room as he picked himself up and heard the slamming of a door just feet from where he stood. Castiel had run into the bathroom and locked the door behind him, effectively trapping himself inside and away from the hunter.

Why the hell had he looked so terrified? Why was he so scared to be around Dean? What had he _done_?

Dean felt his mind running a million miles a minute, each thought passing through his brain only causing his worry to peak ever more higher. He quickly ran over to the door, pounding onto the wood and calling out to Castiel, asking him if he was okay.

Dean really didn't need to ask. The question was _stupid_, and he knew that whatever was troubling his friend right now was far worse than what he had just endured for the past week.

Castiel had huddled himself into a corner, back pressed firmly against the wall and seated beside the tub. His knees were now pressed hard against his chest, his breathing coming out in harsh pants as he tried to control his own racing mind. The vivid images of the dream continued to plague him, along with the memories of the past several months of torture that he endured, and he found that it had all suddenly become too much. Too much to hold in, too many screams held back, and too many fears that could no longer be ignored.

His ears rang loudly from the sound of his own painful screaming, the pressure now building in his head completely muting the shouts he could hear just outside the door. Dean continued calling out to him, pleading and then demanding that he open up. Castiel couldn't seem to hear him though, the request going completely mute in his mind as he continued traveling back to horrible memories.

It had all become too much for him, and Castiel just wanted it to stop. He was now to the point of being desperate. He wanted it so badly just to end, so that he could finally fall into a deep oblivion where no one could hurt him, where memories couldn't touch him, where evils couldn't brace him. Where the blood would not fall from his hands.

_All the man wanted at that moment, was a way out…_

Dean's shouts continued to fall into the background as the minutes passed, Castiel slowly turning his head towards the tub and pulling back the curtain slightly to reveal the tiled wall behind it. There he saw what he was currently searching for, what he had caught at a glance once, hiding deep in the corner of the shower and hanging out just slightly as if in taunt.

Castiel slowly reached out for it, the small piece of cracked tile coming off fairly easily from the plaster that barely held it, and bracing onto it as he pulled it out of place. The edge of it was sharp, a perfect triangular cut shaped at a 45 degree angle. It glistened in the light of the bathroom that seeped through the small window against the far wall, taunting ever more so as he clasped it around his trembling fingers.

He knew what he was doing. He had had it done to him countless times, his brothers making such precision of each swipe that he practically had the act memorized. It caused him so much pain, but he always found that it numbed after a short while. His mind always felt foggy after the moment of drifting away, and he found it almost comforting, wanting to search for it. It was the only form of peace he could think of, the only way to finally make it all stop.

He could feel salty tears running down his lids, his hands shaking so hard as he met the tip of the object still clutched in his hand towards the sensitive skin just below his palm. This would not be the first time he would have blood dripping down, but it would be the first where the weapon was being held by his own hand.

He didn't care at that moment about anything else. He had had enough and endured more than his share. That dream had been the final straw that proved the consequences of his actions. That showed him what his decisions and his carelessness could lead him. He just wanted it all to end, for it all to finally leave him be, and he felt that this was the only way to do it.

All he wanted…_was a way out_.

He felt more tears fall as he closed his eyes, holding his head back towards the wall as he let his knees fall, his arms following suit as he carefully pushed the edge of the tile into his wrist, softly gasping as he pulled back and felt the warm liquid running slowly down his skin. The pain he knew would only last a little while, but the freedom he knew would come would hopefully last forever.

Whatever little form of comfort Castiel so desperately held onto for the past 30 months, had completely shattered at that moment. The only images he could now see besides the manifestation of his former self unsuccessfully reaching out to him as if to pull him away, was the site of his fingers now pooling with a deep red crimson. The only sound now ringing through his ears besides the horror of his own cries, were the shouts of his best friend still pounding at the door.

It would only take a little while, but in the end he would meet the darkness, and he would walk into it, with gratitude.

* * *

><p>Dean continued calling out to Castiel, demanding that he open the damn door as his shouts started turning into screams. He stopped his ranting for just a moment, pressing his ear against the door to see if he could listen to what was happening inside. Castiel's lack of heavy breathing was the first thing he picked up on, but it was the sound of his quiet sobs that had Dean's panic surging tenfold. He didn't care anymore if Cas was having an emotional episode, or experiencing his first true mental breakdown from the events of the past few days. His friend was in trouble, and Dean knew that is was bad, almost as if he was feeling it himself. The dread, the loss, the torment of all the things that he had in turn been put through. It was equal to time in Hell, and this Dean could feel practically radiating from the other side of the door.<p>

Soon he could hear nothing coming from the inside, and decided that enough was enough. If Cas wasn't going to open the door and let him in, then he was going to force himself in.

Dean started ramming at the door, his own rush of adrenaline surging as his fear picked up as well. Each push he gave with his shoulder caused the screws holding the door to its hinges to loosen more and more, to the point where it was almost hanging on with almost nothing.

Dean knew that it would only take one more, stepping back and kicking the door open to fly swiftly out of the way, only to reveal the small man huddled on the floor. What he expected was a partially broken man, crying at whatever torment plagued his recent dreams and that that would be the end of it. What he didn't expect was what he was actually looking at, a completely broken spirited Castiel, body shivering and eyes fuzzy and unfocused.

Dean swallowed hard, trying desperately to keep his eyes on the angels face instead of looking down at what he knew was burning into his peripheral vision. He didn't last long however, his own hot tears starting to seep at the corners of his eyes as his focus moved downwards, his vision immediately traveling to the angels wrists. And the blood that now covered them.

Dean went from being worried for his friend's safety from his brothers, to a full fledge panic of his safety from himself.

He had seen this once before, when ghouls had murdered his half brother and captured Sam in order to drink away at his brothers blood. But this time, this time was different. This time the bleeding cuts sporting Castiel's skin, had been inflicted by himself.

This was how far things had gone, and Dean found himself unaware of what to do.

"Cas?" Dean slowly walked over to him, voice cracking slightly as he slowly approached his friend.

Castiel didn't seem to notice him, the former angel trapped deep within his own mind as he focused on the pain now dulling from his very soul. It felt like such a comfort to him, the blood currently dripping from his veins onto his knees taking all the pain along with it, and leaving him with a sort of emptiness he never thought he'd feel.

But it was not the emptiness that he wanted.

It was not the peace he had been seeking, and he found himself starting to wonder why that was. He tried focusing on what he was looking for, the peaceful nothingness that he had experienced from his brethrens punishments. The deep void that pulled him into the dark and away from the pain. The darkness that took away his strength, and left him with nothing but pure, blissful emptiness.

This was not how it had been, and he found himself experiencing even more pain than he ever had in all those years of being tortured by his brothers. Castiel realized, that he may have made a mistake.

"Cas?"

Dean felt his lips trembling, his words faltering as he carefully kneeled down in front of the man who was now only a shell of his former self. Dean didn't recognize this person, his angel, the once powerful being that had inhabited this physical form now completely shut out from the world. Dean found his own spirit breaking, the look of desperation on his friend's face only causing him to feel broken himself. Dean couldn't understand why, but looking down at his former angels face, listening to the small wispy breaths that passed through his lips, the fading pupils of his eyes, Dean could feel it all. His pain. His torment. His sheer shattered will to have it all end, to have it all go away, to have it all disappear…by finally putting out the lights.

"Cas. Why would you do this?" Dean whispered this more to himself than to the former angel.

Castiel made no sound as Dean continued looking into him, his hands subconsciously reaching out to Castiel's and squeezing tight against the skin now caking blood onto his palms and under his fingernails. He didn't know whether to be angry or be afraid, but he knew one thing for damn sure. This was now too much for him to handle, and the next few words coming out of the angels mouth only made it an ever more worse experience.

"I can't make it stop." He whispered, more tears streaking his face as he closed his eyes, praying to God that the darkness would just take him and let him fall into completely. He wanted so desperately for it to end, for _all_ of it to end, and he found himself wishing for his own quick annihilation.

He kept telling himself, that it was the only way.

"Of course you can't make it stop Cas." Dean whispered back, listening to the now harsher breathing leaving Castiel's lips. "You're not an angel anymore."

"I just want it to stop." Castiel said brokenly, his voice heavy and desperate and he felt the weight of it all starting to build in his chest.

Dean didn't know what to say, his own words failing in his throat as he felt the warm sticky fluid now seeping through his fingers into his palms. Whatever this was, whatever had frightened the angel so much for him to take such desperate actions only had Dean's mind swimming. He knew that Cas wasn't talking about the blood currently pouring from his veins, the form of life that Dean was so desperately clinging onto as he pressed down on the torn open skin.

Castiel continued repeating the same phrase to him, over and over as if it were a prayer, his voice coming out softer and quieter as he started to allow himself succumb to the need for sleep currently inviting him. Dean held on more desperately, as the final time he hears his friend repeat the words he catches a change in them, the angel replacing the use of the word 'it' with the word 'them'. It sounded so lonely and quiet that he barely caught it, but Dean knew off the bat that Castiel was no longer thinking about the pain of his self inflicted injuries. This cut was deeper, heavier, and it flowed more freely than the blood now staining his jeans currently did. Dean felt his anger flaring, the hate he felt for Castiel's brothers almost making him forget where he was currently sitting.

He found his head falling as he tried to hold in his tears, a useless gesture as even more started to flow down his cheeks. Castiel was hurting, badly, and now, so was he. He barely heard the sound of doors slamming, the noise coming from somewhere towards the kitchen and Dean immediately looked up, seeing Cas now sagging against the wall as his head fell backwards and his hands went slack, his wrists still being held tightly in Dean's grasp.

He couldn't do this alone. Dean felt it was too much, and immediately called to Sam, his voice sounding utterly broken and ashamed. His next call came out in a shout, desperate and loud to Bobby as he heard the sounds of quickly approaching footsteps coming towards him.

"What the hell?," came Bobby's voice as he took in the busted out door currently sporting his first floor bathroom. He didn't get to say much else, as he noticed the desperate look on Dean's face and the pale angel he was currently anchored to.

His brain went on full alert as he and Sam took in the scene before them, the hunters unable to understand what they were looking at as Dean shouted at them, telling them to stop standing there and help him. Sam was the first to snap out of it, quickly grabbing onto the small dish towel on the sink countertop and kneeling down next to his brother, quickly pushing his hand away and pressing down onto the still seeping wound.

Sam virtually forgot everything else at the moment as he tried to understand what exactly it was that he was actually seeing.

Dean instructed him to keep pressure on it, quickly getting up but still not letting go to reach for another towel from the rack, pressing it down on the cut still sporting Castiel's right wrist. He sees the bloody tile hiding behind Cas' right knee, the coral colored piece of glass taunting him as he tried desperately to stop the blood still spilling out.

Dean was beyond panicked now. How was it that Castiel knew precisely where to cut, exactly where he needed to slice in order to draw the most amount of blood and guarantee that he would bleed out. Neither hunter wanted to think about it.

Each one continued to press down, Dean snapping his head to a still gaping Bobby and shouting at him to get the damn first aid kit. Bobby immediately fell out of his trance, and dashed for the hallway closet.

Dean continued focusing on Cas, the angel still staring up blankly at the ceiling as he felt his body going numb. It started with his limbs, his arms feeling like heavy weights while the pain radiating from his chest started to build. He was finding it harder to inhale, his breaths coming in sharper and heavier as the pressure continued to build.

Dean stopped short, looking up as Cas started to hyperventilate, his half lidded eyes now flashing wide open as he tried harder to take in a breath. He found the action difficult however, and started to fall into a full fledge panic attack.

_How could he have been so stupid?_

Dean let one hand go and braced it behind Cas' neck, pushing down on his head and forcing the angel to look down at him as he tried desperately to draw in air. His eyes cleared for a moment as he stared down at himself, his vision focusing straight on the blood now staining his forearms and immediately brought him back to that moment. To the dream still fresh in his memory and the evidence of the life he took away from Dean. And then of the life he ultimately took. His best friend, the man who was desperately trying to get him to look at him, but his eyes remained where they were, his body like a statue as his muscles started to stiffen up. He heard Dean shouting again, watching as Castiel's breaths started to become more shallow and desperate.

Dean now braced his other hand on the left side of his face, pushing it up and now forcing him to lock his eyes with the burning green orbs that were so evidently Dean. Castiel couldn't speak, couldn't breathe, the tightness in his chest getting stronger as he felt his body quickly growing weaker.

Dean forced him to focus on him, focus on his voice as he instructed him on how to breathe. Castiel couldn't seem to hear him though, his vision slowly going black along the edges as the sharp pain started to subside. The task of following Dean's instructions was unmanageable, and along with the loss of blood from his wrists as well as his back where he had pulled out some of the stitches, Castiel let himself fall into the inviting darkness, and promptly passed out.

* * *

><p>Castiel's body slumped over and Dean started to shout, Sam still grasping onto the angels wrists as Dean settled the now still angel against his body. His head rested in the crook of Dean's left arm, his already pale skin only getting paler as less and less oxygen started to course through his system. Dean was on the verge of his own attack, calling out to his friend as Sam stopped what he was doing and watched in desperation. Castiel wasn't breathing, wasn't moving, as Dean's own body trembled against his, waiting for the formal angel to take in a breath.<p>

It had been the longest 7 seconds of his life.

He continued calling out to him, completely focused on Cas as Bobby eventually joined them in the small room with first aid kit in hand and ensuing pandemonium.

Dean's index finger practically squeezed against the racing pulse in the angels neck, silently swearing to himself for Cas to just start breathing already. Nothing was coming out however and Dean feared that he may just have to do it for him, still unable to understand why Castiel felt so desperate to take such action.

_What was it that had him so scared? _

Before he could even get the opportunity however, Sam squeezed down on the bare wound in his right hand already starting to stop and Castiel let out a breath, sharp and shallow as Dean's right hand met back with the left side of his face, cupping at his cheek. Dean continued calling out to him, the angel unable to open his heavy eyelids as the hunter continued coaxing him to take another breath. Dean held onto his own until Castiel took another, although shallow and weak but a breath nonetheless. Dean continued talking him through it, his arms still bracing him as he started to feel the dampness now touching against his left forearm.

Dean knows what it is without even having to look. Besides the sweat currently slicked over his cold and clammy skin, Dean knows for a fact that the former angel has unintentionally reopened the wounds in his back, spilling even more precious blood that he cannot afford to lose. Dean chooses to worry about it for later, watching as Sam continues bandaging Cas' wrists one at a time along with Bobby who is still holding the towels to catch the blood still spilling, although barely.

All three hunters would like to think that maybe his blood is starting to clot, successfully stopping the flow, but in the back of their minds they know that the fact may be entirely different. That the angel may not have much more blood to spill.

Dean continued focusing on Cas' face, watching each shaky breath he took and counting down the seconds until he took another. His friend looks so incredibly fragile, beyond recognition really as his brother and surrogate father finally finished with wrapping up the cuts in his wrists. The scars will be deep, but they have a feeling that the emotional ones will be even deeper.

Dean feels his body trembling, but he isn't sure if it is actually coming from him or his friend. His palms are sweating and he holds on tighter to the cold body currently still resting against his own. Cas' eyes remain closed, the sad look he sports almost too tragic to step away from.

Sam eventually stands up, motioning to Bobby to go over to Dean and wake him out of his trace, hoping to get the former angel off the floor and into the living room. Dean hears him however, and quickly readjusts his posture to brace his hands under Cas' arms. Between him and his brother, the two of them carefully lift Castiel off the ground and back over to the couch.

Bobby stays behind to clean the mess from the tiled bathroom floor, wiping away the large amount of blood still spilt there and erasing all evidence. He finishes off by throwing the tiled shard that Castiel used on himself into the toilet, flushing it down and away from his sight.

Sam and Dean have carefully laid Castiel back on his side to face the couch, slowly stripping him of his shirt and find that he has indeed reopened many of his wounds, mainly the two large gashes against his shoulder blades.

They carefully go back to patching him up, the angel now remaining quiet and frighteningly still as they try and piece him back together. Dean knows that it will take a lot more than just thread to fix Castiel back to his former self. It will take more, much more, and Dean isn't sure if he will be the one who will be able to provide that.

That doesn't mean that he isn't going to try.

* * *

><p>Only a day had passed before Castiel finally woke up, mind numb and eyes glazed from lack of restful sleep. He again refused to allow anyone near him, the hunters keeping their distance as he eventually moved himself from the living room and locked himself into the panic room downstairs.<p>

Dean continued watching over him, careful to stay far enough away so that Cas wouldn't see him. It didn't take much effort really, considering that Castiel, now dressed in a fresh shirt and sleeping shorts, had huddled himself into a corner, his right side pressed against the wall as his back lay flat against the tall cabinet. He again had his knees pressed firmly against his chest, curling in on himself as if to keep himself from falling apart.

Dean already knew it though, that Castiel was far from repair. The man was now broken, for reasons still completely unknown to him, and the hunters found themselves at a crossroads. They were desperate now, seeing the angel wasting away and worrying that it wouldn't be long before they were unable to bring him back. Dean could only think of one thing, Sam thought the same, and both started to desperately pray to the one angel they were sure could help them.

…

In actuality, it took only a few hours, but those hours seemed to roll into days and then into weeks, and pretty soon both brothers were growing weary of their calls going unanswered. But it only lifted their spirits higher when the moment came, and Gabriel finally showed up after what seemed like a lifetime.

The first thing the archangel wanted to do was bitch and gripe on why the hell they were calling him so damn much, but the look he caught on all three of the hunters faces made him completely bite back his tongue. He was used to Sam's puppy dog eyes, even Bobby's unresolved look, but it was the face that Dean sported that actually had him growing worried and had the hairs on the back of his neck standing up.

If he didn't know any better he'd think that the elder Winchester had finally cracked, and this actually had him wondering what it was that he had missed.

He looked over at Sam who sat on the arm of Bobby's recliner, while Bobby was braced against a wall with his arms folded and Dean sat slumping in one of the armchairs. Gabriel took in the look on each one of their faces, wondering why they all had gone to calling him and were now not even speaking to him. It was a real buzz kill to say the least.

It was Sam that finally spoke up and broke the uncomfortable silence currently suffocating them.

"Where the hell have you been?" He asked, his voice blank except for a small tinge of sadness.

If Gabriel didn't know any better, he'd think that he felt bad for him.

"Sorry kid, I was out of range. This isn't the only universe I travel in you know." Gabriel didn't even try to joke, his voice flat and calm as he tried to figure out what the heck had all them so bummed out. It was then that he noticed someone missing from the party, realizing that amongst them four, their angel counterpart was missing. Where was Castiel? Why wasn't he here?

He immediately looked over at Dean, the hunter staying focused on the floor before he finally looked up to stare straight at the archangel.

The look he gave him had a shudder running down his back, as Dean whispered the words he never expected to hear.

"We can't fix him." He whispered, his voice small and shamed as if in utter defeat. He had failed, this much he knew, and tried desperately to keep the emotion from out of his voice. He failed, again. "They broke him Gabriel."

Gabriel immediately felt his body tense, his hands curling into fists as he asked what he meant by his words. In actuality, he already had the feeling that he knew, but was afraid to hear what the hunter actually had to tell him.

It was Bobby who broke the news to him.

"Your dick brothers kidnapped Cas for a week and had a little fun with him, while we called for your ass to help and you were a no show." Bobby didn't even bother to hide his aggravation, his anger, Sam and Dean both looking away as if too ashamed or either embarrassed to even meet the archangels eyes. "He's not even with us anymore." He whispered, but Gabriel heard loud and clear. "Whatever they did to him, we can't get him back from."

Gabriel didn't even need to ask, and immediately flew downstairs where he was sure he would find his brother.

Sure enough, there he was still huddled against the wall, quiet sobs escaping his frame as his face remained buried in his knees. His limbs looked so lanky and pale, evidence that he had lost a great amount of weight obvious by the way his clothes hung off him. Gabriel still didn't know what had happened, and was almost afraid to find out.

This was no time for chickening out however, and Gabriel slowly made his way over to him, careful not to scare him anymore than he obviously already was.

Castiel looked trapped within his own sorrow and mind, the images of killing his best friend and his family still haunting him along with his experience from his time being tortured. It didn't take long for Gabriel to notice how his brother seemed to draw away from sitting fully against his back, and clearly saw through the fabric holding him together the true tortures he endured.

Needless to say, Gabriel felt anger swell up inside him as he read the filthy words now carved into his flesh and even his bones, the archangel feeling hate roll in the pit of his stomach as he continued to take in the ghastly wounds.

He slowly kneeled down on one leg behind him, carefully placing both hands on Cas' trembling shoulders and assuring him that everything would be okay.

Gabriel knew that that was a load of _crap_.

There was no way that Castiel was okay, not after what he had obviously endured and what Gabriel quickly noticed he had also done to himself. This only caused his heart to break even more, the sudden realization dawning on him as he remembered the hunter saying how long he had been gone. A week in this world. That meant two and half years in theirs. Gabriel suddenly felt incredibly guilty, not being there for his brother when he needed his help the most and wanting to torture himself in the hopes that it would take away some of his pain.

Gabriel felt his own hot tears welling in the corners of his eyes, his forehead slowly falling to rest on Castiel's left shoulder as he begged him forgiveness.

He hadn't been there for him, hadn't been there to prevent all this from happening, and insisted that he was sorry for letting Castiel fall so far down. Castiel continued sobbing quietly, his body convulsing in shakes as he squeezed his hands tighter on his knees and against his eye sockets. He just wanted everyone to go away, for Gabriel to stop touching him and to simply leave him alone.

Gabriel however refused, allowing his own tears of anger to shed against Castiel's back as he cursed himself for his stupidity. He should have known that their brothers would try and pull something like this, and even with that he still chose to travel well away from them and his brother; his innocent naïve little Castiel that always held a special place in his heart, even if he didn't always show it. He instantly regretted that, as Castiel continued to whimper and sob, repeating the same word over and over under his breath. "No." Again and again he said it, repeating it constantly as if it were the only word in his vocabulary. His face remained buried in his knees, refusing to look up at Gabriel who started to stroke the back of his head, still hoping for forgiveness as he continued looking down at his little brother.

Gabriel could feel the torment inside him, the nightmares of the entire ordeal completely blocking out the pain of his physical injuries as the mental ones he endured were the only ones he could feel. Castiel was truly under a heavy weight, and even Gabriel knew that there was no easy way of getting out from under it.

The least he could do for him, was to help him see the light and get there on his own.

Gabriel simply started speaking softly, whispering to him words in Enochian until they sounded almost like a lullaby. He carefully moved his hands from Castiel's shoulders and wrapped them around his waist, carefully pulling the younger angel from the fetal position he was currently in and pressing his back against his chest. Castiel didn't even try to fight him, either too weak to try or too mentally exhausted to even care.

Gabriel could really care less which one it was as he tried to softly sing Castiel to sleep and lead him away from the nightmares that he was sure were to come, just bubbling under the surface.

Sam and Dean remained by the door, listening on and wondering what Gabriel was doing, what he was saying. Whatever he was whispering actually brought comfort to them both, even if they couldn't understand it, knowing that I was probably having the same affect on Castiel as well. The two remained standing against the door, backs pressed against it as they continued to wait.

Dean can literally feel the former angel calming down, his sobs finally quieting and body ceasing to shake. His breaths are coming out more evenly, the harsh panting at the end of each one no longer evident or obvious. Sam and Dean can only feel grateful, even Bobby is relieved as he remains sitting on the bottom of the stairwell, also waiting.

As Gabriel continued whispering to him, softly and graceful, his right hand traveled to the center of Castiel's back while the other settled over his heart, feeling the erratic beating growing slower and slower.

He then slowly but carefully moved both hands over to Castiel's wrists, cupping them both and making the bandages disappear to reveal the still all too fresh cuts staining his skin. Gabriel simply held his brothers hands in his own palms, studying them and causing an unbearable ache to weigh down heavy in his heart.

Gabriel slowly starts to heal him, the scars on his back, wrists and face slowly fading away as if they were all an illusion.

Physically they may have been gone, but mentally and spiritually Gabriel knew that he would never forget them, and neither would his little brother.

Gabriel continues holding onto him, assuring him that everything would be okay, and that he would take care of him…and take care of 'them'. He promised that. Castiel simply remained laying there, his back still pressed against his chest as the archangel wrapped both arms around his now shivering form, his eyes now slowly starting to slide shut as Gabriel continued whispering to him.

Castiel's breathing is slow, unknowingly falling in synch with Gabriel's as the archangel slowly starts easing his mind and carefully easing him into sleep.

They remain that way for what seems like an eternity, Castiel completely oblivious to his surroundings as his head falls to rest against Gabriel's shoulder. While peace finally begins to take over his thoughts and leave him to rest, rage quietly builds within the archangel. He swears to himself to return to Heaven, only to take care of what needs to be done in order to protect his brother. The young, innocent, naïve little sibling that he always felt fond towards, and who unfortunately became the victim of cruel and unspeakable acts.

Never again would he allow this to happen.

…

Finally, after the sun has set and Castiel has remained sleeping for a few hours, Gabriel zaps him over to what he knows is his room, placing him carefully on the bed to rest and draping a blanket over him.

Dean is already there, seemingly waiting for the angel to show up as he expected, having long been walked out of the basement to give the brothers their privacy. Gabriel gives him a look, one that Dean recognizes immediately and simply nods his head. Gabriel looks back down at Cas, the former angel now sleeping peacefully on his left side as Gabriel bends down to whisper in his ear.

"I'm gonna go make it right," he says, assuring not only himself but the hunter and God as his witness that there was going to be **Hell** to pay. "No one's gonna hurt you, ever again."

Gabriel then zaps away, leaving Castiel under the watchful eyes of Sam, Dean and Bobby as Castiel finally finds himself at some small form of peace.

Dean remains where he is, watching his friend sleep and having the same thought race through his mind as he does. It's really the only thing he can think of at the moment, and he finds himself almost smiling at it as he heaves out a sigh.

"Thank you Gabriel."

_The archangel never did tell the hunter what Castiel had dreamed about, and he had a feeling, that Castiel wouldn't either._

* * *

><p>Gabriel found who he was looking for soon enough, the angels who hurt Castiel gloating all over Heaven about how they taught their now measly aped little brother a lesson they were sure he would never forget. Unfortunately for them, they never expected a certain archangel to catch up to them and show them what he thought would be fun.<p>

He quickly got to teaching them why you should never screw with an archangel.

…

Gabriel had transported the first two angels to a dark corner of the universe, leaving the other six in waiting as he took out his anger on the first set of angels that would feel his wrath.

"Just so you know," Gabriel started, pulling out his angel sword and pressing the tip against his finger to draw blood, showing his first two victims just how sharp his weapon was. It was obvious that he had prepared carefully for this moment, probably more than they realized. "They don't call me The _Messenger_ for nothing."

He slowly walked over to the first, grasping his hands around the angels throat as he pleaded to Gabriel for forgiveness. Such a pathetic sap, begging for something he didn't deserve, and a right that he gratefully denied to Castiel.

"Sorry, but I have a message that needs to be delivered. And unfortunately for you, you're gonna be my message." The rage fueling in his eyes only burned brighter as he grasped the hilt of his sword around his fingers. "So, begs the question."

He carefully lifted his blade, pressing it against the left angels cheek as he remained pinned against the wall, wings spread out behind him and twitching in what he knew was bound to come. His punishment would only be just, and he was sure that by the time this was over, he would lose more than just his wings.

Gabriel would leave those for last.

"Who wants to have some fun now?"

…Needless to say, Gabriel made every single one of them pay, _dearly_.

**To Be Continued…**

**Authors End Note:** If you want to kill me right now, you can blame Jim Beaver for his latest tweet about someone dying. And he did mention that it wasn't in real life, which only had me assuming my favorite angel. *gulps* I'm completely innocent here. *slaps self* Inner thought: _Yeah right_. Anyways, I think it's pretty safe to say that this piece is definitely fitting for occurring before chapter 8 so, this story may keep seesawing between scenes, but again, these are random one shots. Next chapter will be the final part of this one shot idea. Hope to see you there, that is if you don't want to hurt me that is for putting Cas through all this torture. *hides behind laptop*


	11. Chapter 11

**Authors Note:** Just some more gory angsty thoughts and senseless humorous shenanigans. A lot less horror compared to the last couple of chapters and a little more humor. Now for the apology. I'm really sorry to anyone I may have offended or scared last chapter, but after recently learning that a good friend mine at work apparently did the same (which I **never** would have guessed had I not unintentionally seen the evidence for myself), I just felt really, really bad for writing that piece. Almost sick to my stomach. So again, I am so terribly sorry to anyone I may have offended in _any_ way and I greatly apologize. I just never thought how personal it became for me until I actually experienced a shock like that. Really gets your mind racing and making you feel like a complete ass. And of course, scaring the $#!+ out of myself, lol. Still trying to lighten the mood from it of course.

Now away with the angst and onto the hopefully happy ending.

**Written:** 28 July

**Soundtrack:** Pieces by RED (Love this song), Tears and Rain by James Blunt (A thanks again to Capitano for coming through with this song. Even though they weren't actually requested to accompany any of the chapters, she always manages to e-mail me random songs and they fit so damn perfectly with one piece or another. Woohoo! Lol.)

**Word Count:** 6000+

**Chapter 11: Chapter 9 One Shot Part 3**

Now that Gabriel was gone and Cas was asleep finally (and peacefully I might add, thank God), Sam and Bobby went back to finishing up the warding of the entire property, yard and all, while Dean remained where he had sat for several hours now.

There was really nothing to do but think.

He had already spoken with Sam and Bobby, both hunters deciding that it was ultimately all up to him to see what they could do for him, considering it was he who Cas was closest to. Even though options seemed to be available, in all actuality, they felt like they had no clue where to even begin. Cas was on the edge, more so than Sam at the moment with all his memories of Hell and Dean couldn't help but feel torn. Deep down, he was still a little upset that the angel had broken down the wall around all of those horrible memories, but Sam quickly took him out of that hole. He had long since forgiven him, because he knew that he was not the one ultimately responsible for them in the first place.

"_The only person to blame is me," Sam claimed, surprising both Dean and Bobby. "I'm the one who decided to jump into the Cage in the first place. If there's anyone to be held accountable for my memories of Hell, I have only to look at myself."_

Even when Dean's pride above all else had him looking at things blindly, it was always his little brother that made him see the light. Always. Sam always had a knack for helping Dean to see the error of his ways, both large and small, whether he wanted to or not. In the end though, Dean always dug deep within himself and always ended up seeing the truth anyways.

Needless to say, that had Dean rethinking a _lot_ of things.

Thinking about _everything_ that had happened, since the very beginning. Since _all_ of this had started.

Strangely enough, Dean kept going back to that day he was sure that caused it all. Just as Sam had pointed out, the day he jumped into the Cage. The day Castiel died for a second time, and the day he received his wings again. He was sure that this was where it had all began, the start of his downfall, as well as the former angels. To the decisions he made and the choices he picked, that led to everything now. That led to his unfortunate undoing, and ultimately to all of this suffering. Dean couldn't help but wonder, if he maybe was responsible for some of it. If not all of it.

It was he who had convinced the angel to rebel. To convince him to make a choice. Insisted on free will. It was all because of him, and Dean knew that everything Castiel had done for them, he had done because of him. Maybe, just maybe, Dean had become blind to see that after losing Sam a second time. Not caring about anything else and only focusing on his self loathe.

He didn't see what Castiel was doing, what steps he was taking, the decisions he was making, because Dean wasn't paying attention.

_He should have known better._

He should have known that something was wrong, the moment he started seeing the difference in his friend.

"_What happened to you Cas? You used to be human, or at least act like one."_

Those still fresh words stung in his chest now.

_How had he not seen it?_

Even when it was right in front of him, he never did see. Only because he refused. He stayed focused on the Cas he knew, the Castiel that pulled him from the Pit, the angel that turned his back on Heaven to walk his own path. The day Sam released Lucifer and Castiel decided to act on his own accord, without rules and without limitations, that was his undoing. Dean knew it. It was because of him. Although he still held Cas accountable for his actions, deep down, Dean knew the truth. The angel had even told him.

"_Everything I do, I do for you."_

Again, choice words of recollection that only stung his already aching chest.

Castiel had changed, both for the better but also for the worse. Now, it was his turn. Dean knew that he had slipped, that he had let go of what once was, and he was now aware of just how much of his friend he had failed. Only because he selfishly thought of himself. It was obvious now that Cas was desperate, if his most recent actions said anything.

Dean had seen some pretty horrible things in his life, the first thought being his mother burning alive on the ceiling of his baby brothers room (which he _never_ told his father he actually saw). Along with seeing Sam stabbed in the back, him going to Hell, ripping apart his first soul to break the first seal, and now watching his friend bleeding to death at his own hands. Because of his desperation. It broke him in a way he never thought he could be, even though he was already a dirty, damaged soul. And it was all because he didn't care to see, didn't care to change, didn't care to notice. Castiel had changed, broken a piece of himself as well, and Dean knew, that it was time for him to make a decision.

It was time for him to get up and help move Castiel along. So that he could save him, as the angel once did him. It was time Dean repay the favor, and this was one way he could. If there was anything worth giving up a life, it was for one you considered to be worth it. He wasn't sure when Cas had fallen into that category, but it was obvious to him now that he did. He was his brother, in every sense of the word. If he was willing to die for Sam, well, Cas was no different.

Dean had finally made a decision and considered enough was enough.

Dean could finally stop being mad at Cas, and start maybe truly forgiving him, as well as himself.

Cas had given him back his life, the least he could do was show him why his wasn't worth giving up.

…

Castiel did not wake up for two days. 48 hours of undisturbed sleep, peaceful dreams, and with it came occasional visits from their now favorite archangel. His first brought him with a more than sour attitude, his face hard and disturbed as he returned from his most recent _appointment_ with one of Cas' captors. It didn't help his mood when he tried zapping into Bobby's living room and ended up bouncing out of it like a beach ball, but after careful explanation from the hunters as to the reason why (which, in all honestly, who could blame them), Gabriel was quick to forgive and patiently waited outside while Bobby worked out a way for him to get around it. While Gabriel waited, he entertained himself with many of the scrap heaps in Bobby's yard, turning the old cars into various works of rusted, piled up art. When that got boring, he decided to simply sit around waiting, and when he had lost patience for that he started to eat his way through a countless number of chocolate bars. _Seriously, how long did it take to wiggle around a few angel proofing wards?_

In Bobby's defense, a lot apparently, once you got it right of course.

After personally tagging Gabriel with a safe pass (after several failed attempts where he still kept getting blown out like a catapult), the archangel was allowed back in (he couldn't help but flinch and cringe as he stepped through the door, _seriously, those wards hurt like a mother_) and immediately went to go check on his brother. There he remained, safe and sound where he left him with Sam now being his caretaker while Dean took some time to prepare them something to eat. Cas would be sure to get some too, as soon as he woke up that is. Until then all four of them waited, taking their time to let him recuperate and went about discussing the unfortunate events that had unfolded in the past few days.

Of course Gabriel had to confess to all three hunters that it was actually two and a half years in Cas' time instead of a week, which only had them feeling worse. However it couldn't match the dread the archangel was currently sporting around, the former Trickster starting to feel if not a little regret for his most recent actions, even if the reason behind them was just. _No doubt there would be consequences later on, once God was back in the picture of course._

As it turned out, Gabriel had learned from the most recent jackhole (who started spilling his guts pretty damn quickly in exchange for mercy, which Gabriel refused to give before actually starting to physically spill out the guys guts) that the angels knew about the hunters ties to the archangel, and made sure that he would not intervene during their little play date with Castiel. This only served to piss off Gabriel even more as the angel laughed, and finally gave him his mercy by quickly finishing him off before moving onto his next victim. This angel, being one of his sisters taunted him as well, seemingly unaffected by the fact that she was now at the hands of an extremely pissed off archangel and the bloody headless corpse of her brother now hanging beside her.

She quickly changed her mind as Gabriel swiftly took care of her as well, making sure that she got to feel every last bit of pain that she made Castiel feel before he mercilessly ended her life as well. _And humans thought angels were pure with grace and mercy. Such a pathetic naïve bunch of fools_. Gabriel almost wanted to see the face of a human who had never actually seen an angel and wondered if they would keep that opinion if they ever saw what they, and now _he_ were capable of doing. They were probably worse than demons when it came to such methods of torture. It wasn't a pretty sight to say the least, and it actually weighed heavily on Gabriel's mind. He didn't like where things had turned, but frankly, there was reason to pout when things couldn't be changed anymore. What was done was done, and was an act of sin that the archangel couldn't take back, even if he wanted to.

Surprisingly, he found that he didn't.

The atmosphere was now downright uncomfortable, and Gabriel found himself leaving shortly after checking on Castiel for one last time before returning to finish what he started. He quickly zapped away, Bobby still keeping up the wards and went about with the usual routine as the former angel continued to recover, the two brothers and he still keeping a watchful eye over him.

The morning of the third day finally brought some real peace, as Castiel finally opened his eyes.

That peace however soon turned to unexpected hilarity as Castiel stretched out all his limbs and looked over to his right side, the former angel currently sprawled out on his stomach and face pressed halfway into the pillow as he peered over at bright jade green eyes, staring right back at his just inches from his face.

"Hey Cas." Dean said casually, almost cheery as he smiled over at his friend.

Dean expected an uncomfortable silence or awkward moment of recollection from his episode, but he sure as heck didn't expect what happened next.

Castiel unexpectedly gave out a startled yelp, quickly pushing himself up on his elbows and then rolling over onto his back, which caused him to hit the edge of the mattress and fall over onto the floor, sheets and all. Two more inches and he would have cracked his head on the nightstand.

_Dean really didn't want to have to explain that to Gabriel, which only made his own head hurt._

Dean, who was now practically startled himself, immediately leaned over to the other side of the bed to check on him. Cas was now sitting upright, holding the top of his head and rubbing his palm over it while repeatedly whispering the word 'ow' over and over and over again. Now doubt he landed on it (stupid dummy) and would more than likely have a bump there later on. At least the injury wasn't as dangerous as potentially bursting his brains open, just probably hurt like hell and would more than likely give him a headache soon enough.

"Shit. Are you okay?" Dean asked, trying to hold back a laugh as Cas turned to look up at him. _Oh how he wished he could smite him right now_. He couldn't however (Thank God, he thought as he recalled his now nearly forgotten dream), and just quickly went to smacking him hard in the face with his pillow as payback for scaring him.

Clearly, he was more than just a _little_ annoyed at Dean's morning wake up call.

That actually got Dean to laugh a real laugh, as Castiel tried propping himself on his knees, gripping onto the edge of the bed as Dean recuperated and stood back up himself.

"Must you do that?" Castiel said irritatingly, clearly not amused with the microscope look Dean had been giving him. _No wonder the hunter never liked it. It was just, well, uncomfortable._

"What the Hell." Dean chuckled, still trying to keep the lightness of mood since the past few days had been anything but. "You did that to me all the time with your whole…soul searching look. It was creepy. And now you know the feeling."

"Dean," Castiel started, slamming his hand on the edge of the mattress and propping himself up to kneel against it. "I didn't have to look at you to even see your soul. You radiated it like a freakin' sun." He said bluntly, hand still reaching out to rub his head.

Apparently Dean took an extra second to process that last part. "Yeah well, wait, what?"

"Your soul." Castiel said matter of factly. "It was one of the brightest I had ever seen, so I didn't exactly have to look at you to actually see it."

_Well that was one thing Dean could check off his list of the creepiest things ever said to him. Talk about feeling overexposed._

He didn't know what to say, Dean left simply gaping as he stared at Castiel, who was now sporting his signature constipated look of irritation back at him. It was as natural as the bitch face Sam always sported and at this point in his life, mastered. Dean really didn't like it, and went about wiping it away by smacking him back with his pillow, successfully causing him to fall back first onto the rug. At least Cas didn't hit his head this time, but that didn't mean he didn't still have something to mumble from his current position of being sprawled out on the floor.

"That wasn't very nice Dean."

"Shut up Cas."

* * *

><p>After the awkward moment in the bedroom and Cas feeling like he needed to get some much needed personal space for a bit (he still felt a little awkward around Dean after what he had done), the former angel found himself heading to the bathroom to take a much needed shower.<p>

The hunters had made sure to remove all sharp objects (he noticed the moment he walked in), which meant the three day stubble he was currently sporting would have to stay for a while longer.

At least here he couldn't get himself into any trouble, _or so he thought_.

Too bad for him however, from the combined lack of food and use of his limbs the past few days, his legs decided to turn into jello the moment he tried stepping into the tub.

…

Dean first heard the crashing, then the rattle of metal, and couldn't help but worry and wonder what the heck Castiel had gotten himself into now.

"Aw man," he groaned. "_Now_ _what_?"

He quickly reached the hallway bathroom, knocking on the door and calling to the former angel as he heard shuffling inside. When he didn't get a response, he quickly picked the lock and walked in, only to be greeted with the funniest predicament he had ever found himself in, _as well as one of the most awkward_. He had no clue who was responsible for the days shenanigans, but it certainly did help in lighting the mood a little more each and every time.

He was in desperate need of that right now.

So there he stood at the door, seeing Cas with his legs hanging awkwardly off the edge of the tub and shower curtain laying just as strangely over him, covering most of his lower body (thank God) and looking so childishly embarrassing, Dean almost thought it was cute.

He started laughing, and before the hunter could go over to help him, Castiel tried shuffling his weight to pick himself up and ended up pulling on the shower rod. It bumped into the shelf and caused the only bottle of shampoo on it to fall and land directly on the top of his head, in the exact same spot where he had fallen and already had a bump forming. Castiel quickly pressed his hand down over it (again), quietly whispering quick curses in annoyance.

Considering they weren't even in English, the hunter was _sure_ he was pissed.

Dean stood there gaping for just a second, before he burst out laughing even harder, Cas giving him a death glare before grabbing the bottle and flinging it hard at Dean, the hunters hands falling from his aching ribs and over to his nose where the object hit dead on and causing him to stumble backwards onto his ass.

He still thought it was funny.

"GET OUT!"

Dean only continued laughing, even through the stinging pain currently racing up his nostrils. He quickly picked himself up and ran out, shutting the door behind him just as Castiel threatened to beat him with the shower rod, which only sounded funnier coming from him. Dean couldn't stop, his eyes now tearing at the sight of his best friends unintentional mishap. Castiel simply remained where he was, hiding himself under the curtain and covering his face with it in embarrassment as he slouched further into the tub.

_Seriously, what the hell was up today…_

* * *

><p>Castiel took longer than normal to get out of the shower, slowly making his way downstairs where Sam, Dean and Bobby were currently waiting. He continued rubbing the top of his head, hair still a bit wet from his recent shower and still glaring at Dean for his insensitivity. Dean only chuckled as he made his way into the kitchen as Cas made his way over to a chair, sulking at all the pairs of eyes currently staring back at him. No doubt why they were doing it, but he really didn't want to get into that, not when he was finally starting to gain a little bit of peace with himself, even if it wasn't much.<p>

Dean could feel it too, the tension thick in the atmosphere of the room as he made his way back with a bag of frozen vegetables and not so gracefully plopping it on Cas' head. He again gave a grunt of disapproval and glared at Dean, who simply smiled and patted him on the head like a puppy as Cas took over and held his own hand in place. Dean had been right, Cas was getting a headache, and a doozy one at that. Although he wasn't so sure as to the cause of it now. From his fall, or Dean, or maybe even both. Whichever it was, he was sure the hunter had something to do with it. Thankfully before he could say anything however, Bobby cleared his throat and spoke to him.

"You hungry?" He asked simply, already knowing the answer to the seemingly pointless question.

"Starving." Castiel answered just as simply, avoiding all their gazes as Bobby got up from his chair to get the former angel something to eat_. Even though he was still not used to keeping a schedule of his eating habits, his stomach had gracefully been reminding him for the past hour or so_.

That left him with both brothers, Dean sitting on his right and Sam across the table from him, both just staring at him as if afraid he would explode. Castiel really felt uncomfortable with it (go figure) and continued avoiding their gazes until Bobby returned with a bowl of rice, beans and barbecued pork for him to eat. Cas needed a good meal, or a few dozen to make up for all the time he had been left without eating. How the heck he had managed to lose so much weight when they first saw him was beyond them, but after learning the truth from Gabriel, it all pretty much made sense now. Cas had been gone for months, all that time without being fed or given any form of nourishment, which left him a lot lighter and his clothes a lot looser. No doubt he was using a belt right now just to hold up his jeans and his shirt practically hung off him like a bag. The dark sweater he was currently wearing wasn't exactly helping either, even with it being only zipped up halfway.

Castiel ate quietly while the three of them simply watched, wondering what was going through his head at the moment besides the fact that he was more than likely feeling like a rat in a cage. Complete lack of personal space right now, that's what it was for him currently. After finishing his second bowl of food and already starting on a third, Castiel finally couldn't take it and put the fork down with a clank. This just felt too damn awkward for him, even with knowing that they were simply being careful.

His irritation was starting to show, his shoulders slouching even more as he got ready to leave the table, until Dean's arm took a hold of his own and stopped him. Castiel didn't even bother to look at him, already knowing that Dean's face was hard with concentration and only masked his worry. Sam and Bobby looked at him as well.

They knew that Dean didn't want him feeling anymore uncomfortable than he already was, and the tension was already way past tolerable for any one of them. They didn't want to push Castiel away either, or feeling anymore alone and vulnerable than they were sure he already was. They chose to quietly get up instead, leaving Dean and Castiel alone and easing the suffocating anxiety just a little for his sake.

It only increased by tenfold when Dean slowly moved his hand from Cas' arm over to his wrist. Cas immediately felt his body tense and shiver all at once. His fingers were carefully brushing just over where he had cut himself, where his blood had spilled and Castiel felt all those feelings bubbling up once again. Dean knew this, but whispered to him the only thing he felt he needed to tell him.

It was the only words he could think of for the past couple of days since it happened.

"I don't ever want you to do that again."

He said it so carefully, so soft and quiet that he almost didn't hear it, but Castiel knew Dean. He knew what he would say, simply because he knew the type of person that the hunter was. He had literally held the man's soul in his hands, and knew him almost as well as his own family.

Castiel let out a shaky breath, closing his eyes as he tried to focus on ignoring the bubbling currently burning in his gut. It felt so much like guilt, an all too familiar emotion that he couldn't help but grasp onto these past few days. It was stupid. He already knew this, and it took him nearly taking his own life and committing the greatest act of sin in order for him to learn it. He thought about his Father, what he probably thought as he watched his son attempt to take it all into his own hands, and Castiel finally broke.

He lowered his head in shame as he balled his fists still sitting on the table, Dean's grasp only tightening against his own. He tried his hardest to fight back the tears he could feel hiding behind his eyes, but found it nearly impossible.

He just let them fall onto his lap.

His body now shook as he gritted his teeth in anger, anger towards himself and his foolishness. His childish ways. His ever mounting pride and his shame in what he had done. In _everything_ he had done.

He couldn't take it back now. No matter what he did, or how desperately he prayed, or to who he begged, he knew that every attempt would be futile and ignored. He couldn't take it. Whatever mess he had gotten himself into only seemed to get bigger with every step he took, no matter which direction he followed, and he just didn't know where to turn anymore.

He need only to look to his right.

Dean felt his friend's pain, knew that he was truly sorry for what he had done and simply moved his hand from his wrist and over to his shoulders just as he buried his face in his hands. Castiel's cries had now turned into sobs.

He was broken. A pitiful shattered thing of what he once used to be. Who was he now if not a blasphemy, a stain amongst Heaven and a disease that was only worth destroying. He didn't deserve anyone's pity, not after everything he had done. And yet, here they were. The one man that still felt he was worth it. Worth the heartache. Worth the suffering. Worth the betrayals and even the pain. Worth it all and yet still stuck around, because he was family. He was his family, their family, and only then did he realize that he had now thought the same.

He couldn't remember when he had forgotten that. Forgotten that the man before him, holding onto him and keeping him together was family. His family. More so than so many of his own brethren, and yet, he couldn't seem to care about that right now. The ache he felt for losing so many of them, many at his own hand, over a war that just didn't seem worth it anymore. Not at the moment. But if it said anything about the righteous man now embracing him, those thoughts were quickly pushed back. He had been worth it, worth it all...and worth so much more than that.

Dean Winchester had been worth saving. Maybe, just maybe, he would be worth saving too, and he couldn't imagine anyone else but him to do just that for him.

Dean had been worth it. In return, Dean felt that Castiel was worth it too.

Castiel would hold onto that peace, for as long as it took. Just as he had gripped Dean tight and raised him from perdition, he knew that Dean Winchester would grip him, and raise him from his own.

* * *

><p>Cas had eaten 12 times that day, mostly sitting down alone at the table and having second and third servings. He even woke up twice in the middle of the night to get something to eat. It was a pretty safe bet to say that his body was still trying to catch up with his lack of food, but by the fifth day his appetite had finally stabilized and he was satisfied with just three or four meals a day. Bobby couldn't be more than happy considering nearly a month's worth of groceries were gone by then.<p>

Not that he would say anything about it, at least after Sam and Dean glared at him. _Did they really need to say it?_

He wasn't going to complain, putting his hands up in surrender as both Cas' mood and weight started to improve. Bobby had started seeing Castiel as his third surrogate son, had been for some time, and wasn't willing to let past actions and grudges affect his judgment when it came to trying to help him. The three of them had seen a significant change in the former angel in the following weeks, trying to entertain him with things to do when he was in desperate need of a distraction.

Gabriel still came to see him every once in a while, finished with his own personal vendetta of serving justice on his brothers behalf and ungracefully plopping himself onto Bobby's couch. He looked dead tired and almost sickly, his slightly pale skin bearing a thin sheen of sweat as he quickly fell asleep. Sam, Dean and Bobby didn't even need to ask, knowing that the archangel had also personally gone through a lot in his ordeal to rid of the angels who had hurt his brother and their friend. Gabriel was exhausted, both physically, mentally and emotionally, and simply allowed him to stay and rest. Castiel soon joined him, taking up space at the end of the couch and propping his head on his forearm, soon joining his brother in a peaceful slumber.

The hunters merely watched, both brothers protectively beside each other as if to confirm to the other that they were right there if they were needed. Sam and Dean knew that feeling, and simply left the brothers alone.

Days past before things starting picking up to around normal, and Sam, Dean and Bobby started discussing possibly hunting again as a means to finally step out of the house. Of course they couldn't leave Castiel all by himself, God knew he would probably burn the house down or something, and considered him tagging along after a little bit of training of course. Even as a former soldier and angel of the Lord, Castiel was human now, and needed to learn how to defend himself now that he was capable of getting hurt. That would happen within the coming weeks, and all three hunters quickly found the former angel to be a fast learner, at least when it came to most things like hand to hand combat and such.

When it came to handlings weapons however, Castiel required a bit more patience and time with Bobby's artillery and he made sure to teach him from the very beginning. First lesson was also the most important, the angel quickly learning that Bobby was not someone you wanted to piss off when it came to safety and guns. After unintentionally looking down the barrel of a loaded shotgun, and being caught by the older hunter, Castiel had been verbally ass-reamed for his stupidity and had been forced to take apart every gun in the house piece by piece and clean every last bit before putting them back together. Castiel found the task tiring and somewhat pointless, but after Bobby demonstrated their power on a line of bottles on the back fence, Cas quickly got the message as Bobby forced him to imagine it being his head instead.

Castiel looked downright terrified at the thought, which only had Sam and Dean laughing. If he had already gotten the "don't be an _idiot_" speech from the old man when it came to using a God damn safety on a gun, then he was definitely already a part of the family. Castiel quickly perfected his new skills with the help of Bobby and the two brothers, and he was soon enough off to his first hunt. It wasn't hard really, just a simple ghost to start him off with and it was quickly taken care of before heading back to Bobby's.

By the time they got back just a couple of days later, Castiel was glad to be back and couldn't imagine when he had considered Bobby's house to feel like home to him. He felt safe here, happy here, and so incredibly comfortable than he had in the longest time. It wasn't just because of the wards either. That had only been a small part of it. It was simply just the atmosphere. The emotions that radiated through its walls from the three men who generally occupied it, and now him. Castiel hadn't felt that in a really long time. Probably since before Lucifer's fall, and he grasped onto it almost in desperation.

Dean picked up on that soon enough as he found Castiel late one night sitting on Bobby's couch, studying his wrists and pondering over the lack of scars. He already knew that Gabriel had healed them, had healed every scar his body bore except for the one caused by the angels sword that had pierced through his back and out through his stomach, but still saw them clearly in his head as if he had just made them. This thought still scared him, and he was actually happy for Dean breaking him out of his thoughts.

"You okay Cas?"

Castiel didn't really know what to say as he lowered his hands and let them fall onto his knees, his eyes staring back down at the floor as he pondered his question. It didn't take long for him to come up with an answer, giving Dean a typical response that he himself would use when he wasn't sure what to say. "I'll live."

Dean knew a bullshit answer when he heard one.

"That's not what I meant Cas." Dean said, expecting the angel to say something else to avoid the discussion altogether as he had done since the incident happened.

"I know what you meant Dean." He said simply, entwining his fingers together as he looked up to look over at Dean.

The hunter was staring down at him, as if trying to study his friends thoughts and trying to unlock what he so desperately tried to hide. Dean didn't buy it however, and decided that he just had to ask what had been bugging him for weeks.

"Cas," he started, trying to carefully choose his words as he thought of what to say. These thoughts had been burning in his brain for a while now, and Dean just needed some form of answer so that he could finally ease them somewhat. He didn't care what it was, but he just wanted something to tell him that everything would be okay between them. "What were you dreaming about that day they brought you back?"

Castiel knew that this conversation was long overdue, but thankfully had had more than enough time to come up with a story to cover it up. The images of that dream still haunted him, even though he barely remembered it anymore these nights. Gabriel may have been able to take them away, but the emotions he felt still remained, leaving a stain of peril written within his very soul. He would never be able to clean them away, no matter how hard he tried. His only defense unfortunately was to lie to his friend again, keep a secret that he was sure to hurt both he and the hunter had it ever been discovered. No. Castiel needed to carry this burden alone, and would not involve Dean to carry it with him. The hunter had had more than his fair share already with Sam's nightmares.

"I dreamt about the moment I took in the souls from Purgatory. The moment I became chained to them and was no longer in control of myself. I was trapped Dean, and I don't ever want to feel that again." Another lie, mostly, but a necessary one.

Dean didn't know whether to believe him, something about his friends look causing Dean to question him, but chose not to push it as he led Cas back to his room to sleep. Castiel was hiding something, this much he figured was certain, and chose to leave it in his hands to tell Dean when he felt ready. Until then, Dean had enough to worry about.

Castiel chose to keep his nightmares to himself.

**THE END**

**Authors End Note:** But of course I come up with another one shot idea when I'm finished with this damn thing. Cas darn it. Although it's completely AU to this piece, it's still somewhat relatable so I may just post it or not. It's pretty much an alternate beginning for this story where they don't save Cas but get delivered a message from Claire Novak from Castiel. Still working on it, but we shall see what will become of it. Damn it, I just thought of another one! Shoot. Man I just love watching Cas suffer don't I? *facepalm* T.T (I can blame Cerulea for this one and her piece "Ready to Fall" since I just re-read it a couple days back) As always, please read and review and I hope this ending did some justice. Thank you to everyone who has done so so far. 8)

Now onto story recommendations. My latest guilty pleasure is "Mere Words" written by Merqurius. For those of you who haven't read it, it's an absolutely wonderful story that I highly recommend you see because it is an absolute spectacular piece. It's generally an alternate ending to 6x20 and an absolute joyride. Also, for those of us who have a LiveJournal, I have an excellent post 6x22 story I would also like to recommend from author strangenessandcharm. I was introduced to it by AlreadyPainfullyGone on Twitter and I loved it! It's _very_ angsty and such but it is well worth the read. It's called "To Err is Human; to Forgive, Divine" and it's about 30,000+ words divided amongst 3 chapters. Really worth the read. I think you'll love it. Oh, and it is a slash piece, just as "Mere Words" will eventually be, but it's not mentioned until the very end if you're not into that. Just so you are aware. Now go read it, lol.


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